7/28/05
I just got a phone call from "Benefits Verification" and much like I had thought, the procedure is covered in full, with no deductible or anything.. So that's wonderful to hear. The girl who called said I should expect a call from Scheduling shortly... So I am hoping today! I am so anxious to get my date already! I am surprised at how well this is all moving along. I would have like more communication from the Barix Clinic during the last 4 months... but I do have to say when I call and leave messages they do their best to help and call me back.. so they get kudos for that. I would have prefered to not have to call them to see how things were progressing.. but I won't hold that against anyone. I know they have got to be so busy. So I am keeping my fingers crossed and waiting patiently for my date.
  

7/29/05
I have a date!! September 20th. I wish it was sooner.... but I'm not going to split hairs... I am just so excited!
  

8/2/05
I am having a tough week. I am just SO ready to get this going. Sometimes I feel like waiting until the 20th of September is a lifetime away. Since my consultation in April I have been in such a funk. I wouldn't say I am in a depression, but something similar. I don't want to leave the house, I don't want to do the things I used to love to do. I am by nature a very very social person, I like people I like being out and about doing and going going all the time. But in the past months I have reverted into myself and don't want to leave my house. I joke about it with friends and family that I am becoming agoraphobic.... but it's becoming not so funny. I have never in my life, regardless of weight been made fun of or teased or judged by my weight. I have always had boyfriends who told me I was gorgeous and I know they meant it... I've never been told I was ugly... but lately, I feel like I have no right to be out and people are simply judging me and quietly criticizing me in their minds or to their friends. I hate feeling this way. I long to be back to my old confident, social and funny self. I used to love the attention I got from social situations and family... hopefully the old Katie will be back soon.
  

8/22/05
Well, I am about a month away from my surgery now and I just can't wait. I am tired of living this life. I am someone who is naturally very very social and friendly and I just LOVE and get so much joy from life from other people. I was always the social butterfly in school... well you get the idea, and I have just become a recluse since April when I went through my consultation. I am just ashamed of myself and feel like I have no right to be out in public. It's crazy I know. I just can't shake that feeling that people are just staring at me and thinking I am a tub of lard who should stay inside and not bother them with my presence. I tell people about how I feel and it's completely disregarded. My friends and family don't put any validity into it because they think I am beautiful. I should say in the same breathe that my friends and family COULD NOT be MORE supportive. I am SO SO SO lucky to have these people in my life. My whole family, and there are tons of them, have been beyond supportive. They have all seen my struggle through my entire life and know I need this surgery. My brother told me a few weekends ago that he thought I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.. so why do I feel like a monster? I avoid seeing friends I haven't seen in a while because I am ashamed. I work on a construction site as an Assistant Project Manager for a general contractor ... it's SO hot this summer and I wear sweatshirts everyday. I hide myself from everything and everyone. I can't wait to break free from this prison. I had just a super depressing day yesterday and it just made me really realize what I've done to myself in my 6 month pity party. I used to go to the gym 4 to 5 times a week. I worked out ALL the time for 2 years or so. I stopped and wish I hadn't because I didn't think it was doing any good. I was seeing these skinny minny girls work out half the time and intensity as me and look great and I was barely maintaining. What I didn't realize was the working out was really keeping me in good shape and toned for my weight and was definitly keeping the weight off of me. To boot, I loved working out! I didn't love it everyday but I did like it, I mean you would have to enjoy something at least a little bit to be able to do it 5 times a week for 2 years. So why did I stop?! I thought it was useless, I thought it wasn't doing any good. I was so wrong. I went for a walk yesterday and I could barely make it less then 2 miles. I was out of breath, my legs hurt and I just wanted to quit. I was SO disappointed in myself. My old gym routine consisted of 25 to 30 mins of eliptical trainer, 30 mins on the treadmill and an hour of weight training every other day... and I did it with no problem, it was challenging but in a good way. Yesterday was just miserable. What have I done! With my workouts I was hovering between 205 and 210.. and I know if I hadn't stopped I probably wouldn't have qualified for the surgery, which I know I need... but I just can't believe I have gotten SO out of shape. I guess all I can do now is slowly but surely get myself back into a workout routine. I'll start off slow and get my stamina back. I can honestly say that I SO look forward to my post-op work outs because for the first time I feel like I will be able to go to the gym and KNOW that my workouts are getting me so much closer to my goal. I look forward to doing yoga and maybe finally being able to run! I spent this weekend with my family, or most of them. I have 2 older brothers who are both married and both have baby girls who I can not get enough of. So my parents were babysitting my brother Drew's daughter Alex and y other brother Don and sister-in-law Kori and their daughter Abby were there so we had a nice dinner and played with the babies all night. Abby just turned 1 and is beginning to walk and could not be cuter, she is so spunky and loves to be tossed around by her dad, loves to dance! My brother picks her up and they dance and she just giggles and giggles and bobs her head, it is just about the cutest thing I have ever seen. Alex is 9 months, but was 6 weeks premature, and is just getting a little personality of her own.. She is so serious and easily fussy, and takes her awhile to warm up to you but so stinkin' pretty. It's funny how different these little girls are.
  

9/8/05
Yesterday was my pre-admission testing. It went well. My blood work was normal and good. My pulmonary testing was fine, as was my EKG and chest x-ray. The internal medicine doctor gave me an all clear and said I was a healthy young woman.. Which is good! The only thing which has me concerned is the weight I have gained since my consultation. The nurse said that my doctor might want to push back the surgery. I explained to her that I had been taking diet pills for 3 or 4 years and a week or so before my consult I stopped and the weight won't stop coming on. Although I have been at the same weight for over a month and lost a few pounds.. so I am hoping due to my good health my surgery date won't budge. I am getting myself worn out though. I am moving into a new apartment in the beginning of October and I just bought new furniture last night. There is just so much to do. The timing is SO bad but it was a place I just couldn't pass up. It is my cousins apartment in Mt. Airy, which is in Philly and the rent is low and the apartment is a very good size with a perfect location for work! SO even though I will only be 10 days post op I am gonna move in. I am just SO SO SO lucky I have so many wonderful friends and family members to help me move so I won't have to lift anything. I am just anxious to get everything done. I can't wait until I am settled and post-op and losing. Work has me majorly stressed as well... I am taking 3 weeks off and have to be ready to do that by next Friday the 16th.... there just seems like SO much to do and so little time. Ugh.
  

9/15/05
Well I got a phone call from Kelly at Barix this afternoon and she asked me if I would like to reschedule my surgery for Monday (as opposed to Tuesday) so I took her up on her offer... so I guess I am going in a day earlier then I had thought! I am excited. Although I am really just completely stressed out from work. I am so worried about getting everything done before my last day tomorrow. Ugh. I am so worried about coming back to work .... I just feel like it's all going to fall apart without me. hehe.. I'm not being egotistical, just realistic.. Construction men are not the most organized or clean. I think my supervisor may finally realize how much he relies on me and how much I actually do... I think he, more then anyone is in for a reality check. I'm not nervous of anxious yet.. I am expecting that to hit on Sunday night. I don't anticipate a whole lot of sleeping going on that night. Speaking of sleep.. I have a long long day ahead of me tomorrow so I best head to bed.
  

9/21/05
Well I am officially a loser. I had my surgery on the 19th. I was in the hospital for 2 nights. I was the first case of the day on Monday and everything went splendid. According to Dr. Brader I was "text book" which is exactly what I was hoping for. The operating room is not exactly where one wants surprises. The first day in the hospital was ROUGH. I was overly frustrated with the nurses waking me every 15 mins and taking my vitals and making me breathe and walk .. all I wanted to do was SLEEP! I was so tired and SO frustrated. I did not handle the moriphine well. It seems my body just couldn't tolerate it. The nurse encouraged me to hit my pain button more then I feel I needed to. So when I got up for my first try at walking my body said "I don't think so" and I proceeded to dry heave about 15 or 16 times in a row. It was miserable. The last thing you want to do when your body has been through surgery is throw up.. and that's what I did...except as we all know, there was nothing in my pouch to throw up, so I just heaved over and over and over. After a bit of time with no moriphine I was OK and could walk around a bit and got into my routine better. The staff and everyone at the clinic were amazing. I had my mom and dad there with me the whole time, friends and family calling constantly to see how I was doing. My best friend Harry brought me some beautiful roses and stayed with me until visiting hours were over at 10pm. He looked down at me and after a bunch of kisses on my forehead and tears in his eyes he told me how brave I was and how proud of me he was. I thank God I have so many wonderful people around to support me. I am at my parents house for a week or so and will update me later. I have to get up and do some walking now.
  

10/18/05
Well I am about a month post-op now and things are going OK. Somedays are better then others as far as the food and the liquid are concerned. Yesterday was a bad day. I had 25 grams of protein in the morning.. well scratch that, I dropped it so I am guessing I got like 16 grams out of that drink hehe. I tried to sip, sip, sip all day on my water, but I felt like I barely made a dent in it. I had refriend beans and cheese for lunch, but for some reason it look me in excess of an 1.5 to finish 4 oz! Usually I can take that in in about 30-40 mins, but yesterday I just had no appetite and didn't even want to eat it. Then I came home from work, yes I am back at work.. yipee!! (can you sense the sarcasim there :) and I had another protein drink at 25 grams of protein. A few hours later, even though I knew I should eat.. I thought about eating dinner for a split second but decided not too. I compensated by taking another protein drink later in the night. So I got all my protein in, but I know I didn't do it the right way. I need to eat. But in the same breathe I feel like I have NO appetite whatsoever since Saturday. Any food I have gotten into myself was laborious and I didn't want to eat it. It is an odd feeling because I used to read about people saying they had no appetite until they were months and months post-op, but until this past weekend I was hungry when I ate. I wanted to eat my meals... But now it's just a different story. I am wondering if it has anything to do with the stress I've been under from my move this weekend. I have moved from my grandmother's house into an apartment in Philadelphia.. and it was terribly stressful. So I am hoping maybe my appetite will return sometime this week. I can't live off of Protein drinks forever.. Can I?
  

1/3/06
Well it's a new year and a new Katie. I haven't updated in forever. I have been too busy with work and living life again. I am down roughly 58 or 59 pounds. Down from 271 to 211. I am finally at that point, I think everyone has one, where you aren't "happy" with your weight... but you're comfortable. I am at that point. 200-210 is where my weight tended to hover for the past few years.. (before I ballooned up to 271) so I am fitting into my old clothes and feeling so so much better. I am dating again and finally feeling a lot more social. It's amazing how well the guys I've been dating (yes, there are 2 of them) have reacted to my surgery. They are curious.. Obviously and have lots of questions.. but generally tell me they think I am beautiful the way I am... I couldn't ask for anything more. All together life is looking peachy and I finally feel back to my old self. I no longer feel the need to lock myself away in my house and not leave. Back in August/September I was so so so ashamed of myself and the way I looked that I lost interest in life. I still wanted to hang out with my friends, but I wanted them to come to me and hang out .. I didn't want to leave the house. But I am back baby! I'm out and about and as outgoing as ever. I love being social and I am finally able to be. Yay for me. This surgery was the best thing I could have possibly done for myself and I just can't help but think it's just going to get better and better.
  6/12/06
Well it sure has been awhile.... I am still having a ball. Living life, loving life and not worrying about my weight! THe one thing I wanted to achieve with this procedure was to not "obsess" over my weight and I think I've achieved that... I still obsess but not as bad. haha. I feel like I am a slow loser for sure. I am about 8.5 months out and only down 94.5 pounds. I scan the Sept. 05 surgery board and it seems like I am a little bit behind everyone else.... But I am making my way there. I work out a lot and enjoy it. I am really enjoying seeing the progress I've made since I began my workout. I just need to add weight training now... ugh. Overall I am happy, I am healthy... I don't miss food... although I don't dump and have had very few problems with any food really. Too most uninformed people I eat fairly normally.. except in portions that is. I am still only taking in 3 -4 ounces of food a day. I don't push it and I won't. It still satisfies me and I like it that way.

About Me
Philadelphia, PA
Location
30.2
BMI
RNY
Surgery
09/19/2005
Surgery Date
Jul 25, 2005
Member Since

Friends 26

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