Feel like a failure
Mar 11, 2009I know that it has been a very long time since I have been on this website. I know that part of the reason is because I have messed up really bad. It is so bad I am not even returning the calls of my surgeon. I have gained 10 pounds and am starting to fall back into my same old ways. I did not realize that this would happen again. I found myself this weekend at Krispy Kreme buying not one but two dozen dounts and I think there is about a dozen left. My husband helped of course. The strange this is that i know that I don't even be hungry it is just that when I think about a food or maybe smell something that reminds me of a food I have to have it. I was so strong in the beginning now I am just like whatever. I think that one of the reasons that I came back to OH is because my cousins boyfriend passed away two weeks ago from a stroke. He was 32 years old and had diabetes, his kidney's were not working properly. I just don't want to end up like that. I just don't even know where to begin at this point. I want to do the five day pouch test but every time I start something stresses me out and I turn to my good old friend that never lets me down FOOD.
Maybe things will change. I just got a new job so I don't have to worry about my supervisor anymore. That is one thing gone and the place is about five blocks from the metro so I will get plenty of exercise walking. I just thought that I would have been half way down by now. The funny thing is I don't even eat alot I guess that it is what I am eating THe KRispy Kreme. I know that I am talking to myself right now because I just think if I get this off my chest I can start new. At the new job no one knows me and I don't have to worry about them asking me questions about my weight. I can bring my lunch everyday because where the place is the resturants are really expensive and I am trying to build my savings back up.
Well I am going to get back to work I just want to get something off my chest.
Seat Pleasant, MD
Jun 28, 2006