Feel like a failure

Mar 11, 2009

I know that it has been a very long time since I have been on this website. I know that part of the reason is because I have messed up really bad. It is so bad I am not even returning the calls of my surgeon. I have gained 10 pounds and am starting to fall back into my same old ways. I did not realize that this would happen again. I found myself this weekend at Krispy Kreme buying not one but two dozen dounts and I think there is about a dozen left. My husband helped of course. The strange this is that i know that I don't even be hungry it is just that when I think about a food or maybe smell something that reminds me of a food I have to have it. I was so strong in the beginning now I am just like whatever. I think that one of the reasons that I came back to OH is because my cousins boyfriend passed away two weeks ago from a stroke. He was 32 years old and had diabetes, his kidney's were not working properly. I just don't want to end up like that. I just don't even know where to begin at this point. I want to do the five day pouch test but every time I start something stresses me out and I turn to my good old friend that never lets me down FOOD.
Maybe things will change. I just got a new job so I don't have to worry about my supervisor anymore. That is one thing gone and the place is about five blocks from the metro so I will get plenty of exercise walking. I just thought that I would have been half way down by now. The funny thing is I don't even eat alot I guess that it is what I am eating THe KRispy Kreme. I know that I am talking to myself right now because I just think if I get this off my chest I can start new. At the new job no one knows me and I don't have to worry about them asking me questions about my weight. I can bring my lunch everyday because where the place is the resturants are really expensive and I am trying to build my savings back up.

Well I am going to get back to work I just want to get something off my chest.

1 Comment

About Me
Seat Pleasant, MD
Surgery Date
Jun 28, 2006
Member Since

Friends 39

Latest Blog 20
Doctors appointment
Falling back into same habits
Just getting some stuff off my mind
It is just one of those days
Back at work