Grade---F for FAILURE

May 09, 2010

I am now at 203. I dropped down to 195 for a breif Time. I am embarressed and so mad at myself. Becouse I can stop smoking but can't seem to stop eating things I KNOW I shouldnt eat. That keeps me at the same weight for over a year now.......I don't take my vitamins like I should and I KNOW it will affect me negativly.....My best friend is like a size NOTHING.a.nd she had the surgery about the same time. ....I do not know whats wrong with me...I have avoided this website becouse of my failure and all the people that where on here going through it with me...are so successful I avoided having to tell them....IM NOT FOLLOWING THE rules and I dont know why. I say all this and you ask yourself well you know it so change it.......I will go into change with a determined sprit and somehow I end up right back where I started from.....I have the lowest Iron level 7, I eat GRAPE ice like seriouse and no exsageration 1 galion a day. Freeze it in ice cube trays and eat it like Im a mad women.That is like 1200 all bye itself. I dont drink anything...(remember when that was my biggest issue)..I couldnt STOP drinking with food) Now I cant bring myself to drink anything....if it isnt Ice I dont drink it. Aside from my 2 cups of coffee in the Am. I drink nothing. I still only can eat about 7-9 oz for dinner. and thats pushing it so i have managed NOT to stretch my pouch. But BOI do i make sure its not empty ALLLL DAMN DAY... I need help and I dont know where to start. I need to take care of myself befor my body says the hell with you. IM just going to shut it down.....and I say that and stillll don't know why I cant (DO RIGHT) I have had a Historectomy-Gallbaldder removal--Hemmroid Surgerys and I just keep making sure I add to it.....I don't know how to get back on track or even attempt to  I dont want to be a failure at this...I don't want to be fat again.

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