Nov 25, 2009
I've struggled with my weight for so long. It seems like a war that wages inside me, even when I'm not really fighting. At 35 and with a BMI of 41 I feel like I'm not living, just existing. Even worse, when I'm struggling to breathe after climbing the stairs at my college, and my heart feels like it will burst out of my chest...I feel like I'm dying. This isn't how I want to live.
I've fought this war in several battles; Weight Watchers, Atkins, cabbage soup, bananas, low fat, low calorie, you name it. No matter how much success I've had, my celebration turns into inevitable failure. At my lowest adult weight in 2003 (160 lbs) I felt like I was on top of the world. Add some serious stress, some strange medical problems, and then losing custody of my kids, and within 6 months I had ballooned to over 200 lbs. To be honest, looking back, I was so emotionally devastated that I didn't really care, and the weight came on so fast, that by the time I was 250 pounds I was still a little shocked that my size 16 pants didn't fit.
I can't remember who planted this seed in my mind, this seed of an idea that a gastric bypass might save my life, but it's a seed that has grown, flourished even. Even when people tell me "Oh, you're not heavy enough for wls." or "You look fine as you are." I know that my health is not what it should be.
Last year I actually looked into how much it would cost to have surgery as a self-paying patient because my insurance doesn't pay for bariatric surgery. It was just absolutely out of my budget, and any complications wouldn't have been covered. So, I packed the idea away, but it's something I never stopped thinking about.
Last week my HR department sent out a memo informing us that our insurance will be changing after the 1st of the year, and bariatric surgery will now be covered!! I can't believe it! As soon as I read the memo I started imagining what life would be like as a healthy person with a normal BMI and weight. With a BMI of 41, I'm sure I qualify, and now I can only wait until the insurance changes.
I have no idea what hospitals and doctors will be on my new insurance so I've not no idea who my potential surgeon will be, but I'm already praying that God will bless him and that when I'm the patient on his table that he will be the catalyst that changes my life. In the meantime, I'm reading the forums here trying to decide if I want to have LapBand, RNY, or one of the other surgery options. I'm trying not to get too attached to any one idea, because as I said before, I'm not sure what, exactly, will be covered by my new insurance.
Anyway, don't mind me as I lurk around the forums. I'm inspired by your stories, and even when I have read some of the "horror stories" I know that I need to be fully informed. Your stories "feed my seed" and I'm sure by the time I reach my surgery date I'll feel like an old pro. I'm ready to say "Lets get this show on the road!"