Transfer Addiction (written with approval from my husband)
Feb 23, 2021
I know I don't write as often as I should. Usually I write when I have something on my mind. This topic has been on my mind for awhile now. For about a week I have toy'd with the idea of writeing this blog. And even had a rough draft of it written one night when I couldnt sleep. I asked my husband if he minded that I write about this since it was mostly about him. He gave me the go ahead; So here it is. (I warn you that its a bit long)
This topic is a serious one for me and our family. Addiction comes in many forms and has hit each of us in one way or another threw family members. We never really thought that we were addicted to food but knew it was a possibility. As Im sure you saw the title, you'll know that this blog post is about transfer addiction. My guess is either you know what it is and are curious to learn more or you have no idea what it is.
So with that said here goes our story.
Transfer addiction is when you are addicted to something and when that something is taken away you become addicted to something else. I jokingly state that my transfer addiction is hiking. I drive a school vehicle and I have some views of mountains in the horizon. Looking at them I long after them, almost crave being out there. So maybe it is my transfer addiction. Not a bad one to have. Shrugs. But this isn't about that addiction. This is about a more serious one; a common addiction. One I thought was going to ruin my marriage of 23yrs. Alcohol.
My husband had his RYN July 3rd. 2017. He had his before I got mine. He was and still is doing well. At the time he had a new job that at first he loved. He worked as a 911 operator, and it paid well. However, he quickly realized that the job was causeing much stress on him. Not to mention the many long hours. He would work 3 or 4 days, 16hrs each day. And because he was low man on the totem pole, he got stuck with extra days and hours if someone called out. He had to start taking anxiety med and then started drinking at home.
I dont know exactly how much he would drink because he would buy the bottles and put it into his contego cup or gatorade to hide it. Then before coming home he would throw the bottle into the trash can at a nearby gas station. He did this to hide the evidence. After he got home he would start drinking the hidden alchol. There were times he would be plastered by afternoon. When I became aware of what was going on I would come across his bottles with the alchol in them. When I would show him the bottles he would denie knowing what it was, or claim that it was a very old bottle. Both of which I know was not true. We bought a breath tester, and even after blowing 3 times the legal limit he would denie that he'd been drinking.
We talked to his Dr about it and she expressed her concern because he goes into sugar lows and he could pass out and go into a low and not come back from it. Even with that threat, he would continue to do this. It got so bad that he had to take off work at times. Which he wasn't allowed to do because he didn't have the time built up. So then he got written up, which caused more stress. I got rid of all the alchol in the house that I knew about. I wantted to make it easier for him to give it up and not be tempted. I started getting mad about the situation because i was worried more about it then he seemed to be. This went on for several months. It was affecting his health, his work, his family, our daughter, and our marriage. We offered to go to counseling with him but once he sobbered up he would denie needing help.
The final straw was after another evening of him being drunk he was getting ready to drive to the store. This was something he would never do. I had to hide his keys and then he passed out half on the bed and half on the floor. I started writeing poems about how it was effecting me and our marriage. I believe it was these things that woke him up. He stoped drinking. He didn't go to get help (which I still think he should do in case the urge comes back, but it's his choice to make.) He lost his job, but luckily that was all that was lost. As close as we came to breaking up we managed to hold onto one small thread.
We got lucky, it's been half a year since the last time he drank. For many it's not that easy. They may not know how to get help or have the support they need. Now I'm going to sound like the awareness commercials I urge you, if you are suffering threw this or know someone who is, get yourself or them help before it's to late. Transfer addiction is a real thing and can ruin more lives than just the drinker.