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I JUST WANT TO SAY HELLO TO ALL OF MY FRIENDS.. I AM STILL HERE LIVING STRUGGLING TRYING TO MAKE IT THREW AND REACH MY GOAL... WHICH SEEMS SO OUT OF WAY BUT I KNW I WILL... I HOPE ALL IS WELL.. BEEN BUSY WI TH WORK... AND MY LIL SIS... AND PREPARING FOR MY SOLIDER TO COME HOME IN OCTOBER... LORD KNOWS I CANT WAIT... BUT ANY WHO... MY WEIGH TI SHOLDING STEADY AND I WILL ADMIT I HAVE NOT BEEN WORKING OUT.. NEW CHEDULE AT WORK TRYING TI WORK IN TIME FOR MY WORK OUT... WHICH MY BODY IS MISSING SOOOOO BAD..... SADILY MY SISTER WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER YESTERDAY... SO I HOPE IT ALL TURNS OUT WELL... PLEASE SEND SOME PRAYERS MY FAMILY WAY BC WE ARE GOING OT NEED AS MANY AS POSSIBLE... BUT I HOPE ALL IS WELL... AND EVERYONE IS TILL ON THE SUCCESS TRAIN...LOVE YOU ALLL... STAY BLESSED AND SMILE

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW ME I AM NOT A MOMMA SO LET ME GET THIS CLEAR SO THAT THOSE WHO DONT KNOW OFF THE BACK...LOL NOW BACK TO THE SUBJECT AT HAND.... TODAY I WENT TO MY SURGEONS OFFICE HAD A APPT WITH HIS GREAT NURSE... SHE IS A GOD SEND LOL.... AND I MET A OH FRIEND FOR THE FIRST TIME ....SHE TRIED TO COME AND SEE ME WHN I HAD SURGERY AND DIDNT KNOW MY REAL NAME LOL WHICH TO BE HONEST JUST THE FACT THAT SHE THOUGHT TO COME AT THAT TIME WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.... BUT WE WERE SITTING THERE TALKING AND SHE ASKED IF I HA ANY BEFORE PICS... AND I SHOWED HER MY LINE BACKER PIC AND SHE KNEW WHO I WAS INSTANTLY IT MADE ME FEEL GOOD.. AND THE FACT THAT SHE SAID I DIDNT LOOK HOW I USE TO MADE ME SMILE EVEN MORE.... WE TALKED ALONE WITH TWO OTHER WOMEN IN THE OFFCIE WHO WERE WAITING... ITFELT WONDERFUL . TO ONE MET SOMEONE FROM HERE AND TWO TO MEET SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERSON..... WE CAN TELL IF SOMEONE IS PLEASANT WHEN WE SPK WITH THEM.. MELTINGMOMMA... HAS A WONDERFUL GLOW ABOUT HER THAT MAKES IT PLEASANT TO SPK WTH... THANK YOU FOR PUTTING THE BIGGEST SMILE ON MY FACE FOR THE DAY.... I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST OF LUCK AND I KNOW U WILL COMPLETE YOUR JOURNEY .... I AM ALWAYS HERE.... STAY BLESSED PEOPLE.....MWAH

I am beautiful. I am attractive. I am a woman. I never said I didn’t love myself. But I did tell myslef I was not worthy of life. I did tell myself that I was the ugliest thing on this Earth. I wen tot my surgeons office on Tuesday. And I was able to look at myself in a full length mirror. I was finally able to see the beautiful women that everyone else had seen. The woman that I had become. I may not be at my goal weight but damn it look at me. I am so beautiful. I sat in the doctors office and had tears streaming from my eyes because finally I could see what everyone else could see. Needless to say I walked out of the office with my head heal high instead of low as I always do. You see I went for so long thinking I was so hidious even when people were attracte dto me I pushed and pushed them away and even now I am exremely guarded because in the back of my head is that fat girl that says hey 17 months ago they wouldn’t have looked at you twice. But I also need to think 17 months ago I probably wouldn’t have been in that place I am in at that time. Rather it is the mall a store or any where else. The hardest part about weight loss for me has not been the eating. It has been the self acceptance. It has been learning me and who I am. Learning what really truly makes me happy and what really puts a smile on my face. I have learned to fall in love with myself without self love I can not have love for anyone else. I have had plenty of nights that I have cried myself to sleep. I have had plenty of days that I have cried as well. But I feel if I never would have cried I would have never tried to find me so I thank God for making me cry. This week I discovered that I am a beautiful woman on both the inside and the outside. I seen the person that I was told was there and had always been there. I also learned that I have continued to grow as a person mentally spirtiaully and emotionally and I am grateful for that. I am still the same person I have another shell but I still have the same heart and I hurt the same. However now I have more confidence and can hold my head up high. You know some times we don’t take the time out to thank those who stood by us no matter what. I am one of the lucky ones. I had family, friends, my dr’s office, and co workers who stood by me threw the whole process. I had friends and family members who went to classes with me and researched when they didn’t understand theprocess that I was going threw. My best friend Penny went to classes with me as well as exercised with me. She kept me at my dr.’s appt on time and wwas there the day I had surgery she has been my rock and I love her so much for that. My best male friend and no matter what still my love has been there for it all althought he was preparing to go to Iraq and actually in Iraq when I had surgery he called each time he could chatted online with me and kept his self active in the process. He was the first one who told me that it would all be okay and that I was a beautiful person both inside and out. He taught me what it really was to be and to be treated like a woman. (Smile for me D) He is the one who managed to keep a smile on my face when times were hard and still does. I will forever be grateful for him no matter where paths separate. The love and undersanding that you have showed me I could never forget or repay you for. I would  never give back one moment not good or bad. You better be taking care of yourself over there and I will see you when you get home. My friends Phyllis and Jayden not only listend to my ranting and raving but listend to me when I was just down and out. They gave me encouragemtn threw the phone eventhough they could nto physically be here with me. Jayden kept me smiling and was my voice of reason. And kept me company on my late night and those many of nights I have spent in the hospital. Phyllis served as my medical advisor LOL if I had some unusal ache or pain I would call her and still can. I love all of you guys and yall just don’t know there is nothing in this world that I could ever give or do for you to pay back the amount of support that I have reeived from you guys. I could never repay you for all of the time belief that you have given to me and showed me. My co-workers all the calls and stopping by to see me chking on me let me know that I had people who cared for me I apperciate that and I am forever grateful. Wow stacey what can I say. That was my personal nurse she nursed me in the hospital on three different stays from 2006 until 2008… she took the time out of her life to come and take care of me she was wonderful and nothing I can do will ever replay her for what she did and what she put up with on my behalf. I will always  feel I owe you something you helped to keep me alive.  My friends out in Arkansas She’Mikia and Tonya first off I miss yall and second I am glad that I was able to call and speka with both of you on occasion and share my life and received suppor to from both of you. I wish all the best and I will be there to see yall soon even if it is just for a weekend. My family what can I say. They may have been in illinois but they were there each and every step of the way calling and researching for their own knowledge. My Mommy and my lil sis Dijah… wow what can I say my lil sis for her age was so understanding and have been my personal maker over queen… lol my mom has been herself supportive in her own way sending up those prayers for me… each and every step… my bother Tony and his wife… wow… I love yall thanks for listening.. and growning with me. My brother Tomy and Magic.. helped take care of me when I had surgery.. there is no amout of thanks I could ever give that could amount to what yall did for me I am for ever grateful .  Anyone I forget please charge it to my head and not my heart. I am grateful for each and every single person who has been here rather they were positive or negative towards me  I still thank you… God Bless…..

HELLO EVERYONE I HOPE THAT THIS FINDS ALL OF MY FRIENDS IN GOOD HEALTH.. IT HAS BEEN SO LONG.. I RUINED MY LAPTOP AND FINALLY GOT A NEW ONE... YEAAAAA. SO I PROMISE TO BLOG MORE OFTEN AS OF TODAY I AM 175 LBS.. I WEAR A 11/12 IN CLOTHES AND PEOPLE I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY.... YOU JUST DONT KNOW.... I AM SO HAPPY.... I HAD A 18 DAY STAY AT THE HOSPITAL FOR NO SURGICAL RELATED ISSUES BUT IT IT OKAY... I CAN NOT COMPLAIN.... I DO NOT HAVE TO MUCH TO SAY RIGHT NOW..... BUT I WILL LOL IM COOKING DINNER... GOD BLESSS EVERYONE

LONG TIME NO SEE LOL LONG TIME NO HEAR FROM LOL HEY TO ALL OF MY OH FRIENDS... SORRY.... MY COMPUTERS ALL THREW ARE LIKE ON THE FRITZ... IM SO SAD... SO I TOOK THE TIME TO SAY HELLO TO EVERYONE.... I NEED TO SEND SOME UPDATED PICS OF ME ... ME .. ME SIZE 13/14 AN XL M3... YEAH I NEVER THOUGHT I WLD HAVE GOTTEN THIS FAR... I PRAY THAT I MAKE IT TO MY DOCTORS GOAL WEIGHT... YEAH I KNOW I WILL LOL HE SAID 6 MORE MONTHS TO GET THERE... WHEN I HAD MY ONE YEAR WHICH BY THE WAY I HAD MY APPENDEX AND FOUND OUT THAT I HAD A SWOLEN COLON ON MY ONE YR  I WAS IN SURGERY ONCE AGAIN... AINT THAT A BITCH... BUT IT IS OKAY NOW I RETUNRED TO WORK ON NOVEMBER 8TH......BUT ONE YR OUT.... OH MY GOD IT HAS BEEN SUCH AN ADVENTURE... SADILY I LOST ANOTHER BABY... BUT IT IS OKAY... HOPE IS NOT GONE YET... HOPE IS NOT GONE... MY BEST FRIEND IS GONE TO KUWIAT... WILL BE GONE FOR ONE OR TWO YRS..... IT DEPENDS....I HAVE SO MUCH EXCESSIVE SKIN IT S SAD.. BUT HEY I CALL THEM MY BATTLE WOUNDS... HA HA .. I CANT WAIT FOR THE GOVERNMENT TO PAY FOR MY TOUCH UPS LOL.. LET ME STOP I GOTTA SAY I DO FIRST.... BUT ANY WAY I HOPE THT EVERYONE IS WELL I REALLY DO... I HAVE TONS OF PICS IN MY CELL PHONE... I MAY OR MAY NOT POST THEM YOU KNOW HOW THAT GOES....

ITS BEEN SO OHHHHHHHHH SO LONG FOR ME.......BUT I AM BACK FOR NOW........ I HAVENT BEEN UP FOR MORE THEN A  MONTH AND LORD KNOWS I HAVE MISSED YOU GUYS......... I STEPPED ON MY LAPTOP SCREEN AND IT IS RUINED FOR NOW UNTIL I GET IT FIXD...... MY SOLDERI S HOME UMMMM HE GOT HOME IN APRIL AND OH I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY THANK GOD.....YOU GUYS KNOW HOW IT GOES WHEN THE SOLDIERS COME HOME OK IMMA KEEP IT CLEAN. I AM KINDA STUCK IN A 18RIGHT NOW I HAVENET BEEN ABLE TO EXERCISE FOR 3 WKS FEMALE PROBLEMS. I HAD A MISCARRAGE IN MARCH AND FOR SOME REASON I KEEP HAVING EXCESSIVE BLEEDING ISSUES THAT THE DOCS CANT SEEM TO CLEAR UP FROM WHAT THEY SAY IT WAS CAUSED BY THE DEPO SHOT UMM SO NO MORE OFTHAT THEY AHVE ME ON TWO TYPES OF BC TO STOP THE BLEEDING...... AND I TOLDTHEM NOTHING AFTER I GET OFF OF THESE..... I CANT TAKE IT.... GUY WANTS TO TRY TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY BC I L OST TH FIRST ONE YOU KNOW ME IM LIK EUMMMM... AFTER LOSING ALL THIS WEIGHT AND STILL LOOSING LOL IM NOT TRYIGN TO GO THERE... I AM GOING TO SEE MY FAMILY OR AS I SHDL SAY WE ARE GOINGTO SEE MY FAMIL NEXT MONTH IT WILL BE THE FIRST TIME THEY HAVE EVER MET HIM AND WE HAVE BEEN MESSIGN AROUND FOR 3 YRS... THIS IS GOING TO BE A GREAT BIG SHOW LOL ....I CANT WAIT THOUGH I KINDA MISS MY PPL BUT NOT ENOUGHT TO STAY LONGER THEN A WEEKEND LOL UMMMMMANYWAY PPL I HOPE ALL OF MY FRIENDS ON HERE ARE WELL AND EVERYTHING IS GOING GOOD FOR YOU ALL.... I WILL TRY MY BEST TO KEEP CHEKING IN I HAVE NO REAL REASON NOT TO

THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF THE FORMER ME…….. THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF THE FORMER ME…….. A SHADOW THAT IS STILL TRYING TO HANG OVER ME BUT IS NOW BEGINNING TO COVER ME TO BLANKET ME….. THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF THE FORMER  ME LEARNIN TO PUSH HER TOUGHTS OUT OF MY MIND TO LET HER KNOW THAT THIS  LIFE IS  NOW MINE LEARNING HOW TO STAY OUT OF THE SHADOWS AND GAIN CONFIDNECE THAT CAN BE SEEN DEEP WITHIN MY EYES……… BRINGING MY WAY SLOWLY BACK TO LIFE AWAKENING AND FEELING NEW BREATH IN MY LIFE….. WALKING WITH MY HEAD HELD HIGH…… SEEING LIFE IN A NEW EYE SITE… THANKING GOD FOR SAVING MY LIFE FOR SHOWING ME THAT I DESERVED ONE MORE TIME……. LOVING THE NEW ME AND LETTING EVERYONE SEE….. THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF THE FORMER ME…. SEEING HER SLOWLY FADE AWAY WILL I EVENTAULLY MISS HER YEAH I MAY….. SHE HAS BROUGHT ME THREW 26 LONG YEARS FILLED WITH MORE SORROW THEN HAPPINESS FILLED WITH SO MUCH SADNESS AND TEARS……. SHE HAS TRIED TO PROTECT ME FROM ALL THAT I WAS SCARED TO KNOW AND THE THINGS THAT I WAS AFRAID TO FEAR……. THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF THE FORMER ME….. SO LONG PRETENDING THAT I WAS SIMPLE AND THAT HOME WAS NOT REALLY WHERE I WANTED TO BE BUT HAD TO BE FOR THE FEAR OF HOW PEOPLE WOULD RECEIVE ME…… LEARNING TO LIVE AND EXPOSE MYSELF THE TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD LIKE A CHILD TAKING THEIR STEPS FOR THE FIRST TIME LEARNING TO READ FOR THE FIRST TIME THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF THE FORMER ME SHOWING HER THE PRIDE THAT I HAVE BEGAN TO HAVE NO LONGER IN THE SHADOWS BUT RUNNING FOR ALL THE LIGHTS OUT OF THE DARK LORD KNOWS IM NOT FINISHED YET THE NEW ME BLOOMING AND TAKING OVER HER FLOWERS PUSHING OUT ALL OF THE WEEDS IN MY HOME ALL OF THE SEEDS THAT HAD NOT GROWN THE NW BEGINNING OF THE NEW ME SHOWING MORE CONFIDENCE THEN I COULD EVER HAVE FORSEEN MORE SMILES THEN I KNEW I HAD WITHIN ME THE NEW ME MAKING HER WAY AND HER MARK ON THIS WORLD SHOWING HERSELF FOR ALL OF THE DISADVANTAGED BOYS AND GIRLS WHO THOUGHT THERE WAS NO WAY TO FIND THEIR WAYS OUT OF THEIR HOME NO POSSIBILIES TO FIND SELF LOVE OR THE RIGHTS TO HAVE THEN GROWN THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF THE FORMER ME THE NEW ME SHOWING ME WHO I BE THAT MY LIFE IS MENT TO BE ABOUT ME THAT IT IS OKAY BE SELFFISH AND ACCEPT ALL OF THE POSSIBILITIES THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF THE FORMER ME AND THE BEGINNING OF THE START OF THE NEW ME

©2008 CHIARA KIRBY

HELLO ALL I HOPE ALL IS WELL I PRAY THAT MY WORDS FIND YOU ALL IN GOOD HEALTH.....I HAVENT BEEN WRITING ANTHING ON HERE BUT I HAVE BEEN HERE READING AND WRITING..... I WAS TRYING TO KEEP FROM BEING NEGATIVE ON MY BLOG BUT YOU  KNOW HOW THAT GOES.... IM STILL COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS UNTIL MY SOLDIER COMES HOME AND LORD I FOUND OUT HE WILL BE HERE FOR 56 DAYS... 56 DAYS.... UMM ON LEAVE...... I CANT WAIT... WE ARE NOT GOING TO GO THERE RIGHT NOW THOUGH.....UMMM HE WILL BE HERE ON MAY... LORD AND I PRAY HE DOES NOT HAVE TO SERVE MORE TIME IN IRAQ....... OH WELL ANYWAY THE WEIGHT LOSS IS STILL COMIGN ALONG PRETTY GOOD.. I WS TOLD TO STP GOING TO THE GYM BECAUSE IM HAVING SOME OTHER ISSUES.... LIKE A CYCLE FOR THE FIRST TIME BUT IT LASTED A MONTH.... CRAZY  SHIT LADIES ALL I CAN SAY IS NEVE EVER LET THEM GIVE YOU A PELVIC ULTRASOUND .... JUST SAY HELL NO....UMMMMMM BT THE WORST THING IS THE NUMBNESS AND TINGLING MY HANDS AND FEET..... IT IS NOT A LACK OF NEUTRIANTS..... NOT AT ALL... ALL MY LABS ARE UP TO PARE.. AND MY SURGEON FEELS THAT IT IS DUE TO SOMETHING WITH MY NERVES... I AM SO SCARED.... IT WAKES ME UP ATNIGHT I CANT SIT ON THE TOLIET CROSS MY LEGS OR ANYTHING WTH MY ARMS AND IT GOES NUMB I CAN FEEL NOTHING AND IT TAKES FOREVER FOR THEM TO WAKE UP.... THEY FEEL IT IS MY NERVES DUE TO THE WEIGHT LOSS AND THE EMPTY NESS OF THE SKIN THE NERVES ARE GEIN CRUSHED WHENI MOVE IN DIFFERNT POSITIONS.....SO I HAVE A APPOINTMENT WITH A NEUROLOGIST... ON MONDAY.... UMMM ALL I WANT IS FOR THEM TO FIND OUT WHAT IS WRONG AND TREAT IT BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY........

hello all.... i love to write poetry..... you can read more on my yahoo 360 page the name is cey_cey513.... I just wanted to share this..... it is about well you will see once you read.... and no it is not weight realted at all..... enjoy your day and smile for me........
AGAIN

 

I GRABBED MY HEART AND HELD IT IN MY HAND.... OPENDED MY EYES AND HELD YOUR HAND.... TRUSTED YOUR WORDS AND FLET YOUR SMILE.... I ALLOWED MYSELF FOR ONCE TO FEEL THE JOY THAT YOU HAD TO OFFER.... TO FEEL THE LOVE THAT YOU HAD TO GIVE... I ALLOWED MYSELF FOR ONCE TO FEEL A SMILE TO FELL HAPPINESS.... I HELD IT IN MY HEART AND IN MY HANDS.... I SLEPT WITH IT AT NIGHT NEXT TO MY PILLOW... I KNEW THAT IT ALL WOULD BE ALRIGHT..... NEVER DID I THINK OF ANY PAIN THAT COULD COME AND I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT I COULD HOLD YOU FOREVER..... REGUARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENS.... I KNOW THAT..... AND I FEEL THAT..... YOU WILL NOT DISAPPOINT ME...... THAT YOU WILL NOT HARM ME.... THAT YOU CAN NOT HURT ME....THE SMILE THAT IS ON MY FACE WHEN I GO TO SLEEP AND AWAKEN HAS BEEN BECAUSE OF YOU.... HAD BEEN THREW YOU….I THOUGHT THAT I COULD NOT FEEL AGAIN.... THAT I COULD NOT HOLD AGAIN.... THAT I COULD NOT BE LOVED AGAIN.... THEN  CAME YOU.... AN ARRANGEMENT.... SOMETHING FOR ME TO DO....NEVER DID I THINK I COULD FINDA FRIEND IN YOU.... THAT I COULD SEE THE MAN IN YOU.... THAT I WOULD WANT TO HOLD YOU....NEVER DID I THINK THAT I WOULD HATE YOU SEE YOU GO.... TO SEE YOU LEAVE OUT THE DOOR....NEVER DID I THINK THAT YOU WOULD BE SUCH A BIG PART OF ME....SUCH A LARGE PIECE OF ME.... THAT I COULD WANT YOU TO BE A PART OF ME....CRYING AT NIGHT BECAUSE OF MISSING PIECES.... MISSING PARTS OF YOU.....WANTING AND FEELING YOU.... KISSING AND TOUCHING YOU....HOLDING AND PLEASING YOU.... ALWAYS WANTING TO SERVE YOU....TRYING TO MAKE ALL OF YOUR WANTS AND DREAMS COME TRUE....I RELEASED MY MIND AND LET YOU SHOW ME....THAT IT NEVER HURTS TO BE APART OF ME.... THAT IF NEVER HURTS TO BE AROUND ME....FOR ONCE I WAS FREE TO BE ME.... NOT COMPROMISES.... NEVER DID YOU TRY TO CHANGE ME ..... YOU TOOK ME FOR ME.... THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME....YOU EASED MY PAIN AND TOOK ALL OF MY FEARS AWAY....YOU MADE ME SEE THE BEST PARTS OF ME.... THE THINGS THAT I HAD BECOME TO BLIND TO SEE....HOW I CAN THANK YOU I DO NOT KNOW... HOW I CAN SHOW YOU I DO NOT KNOW.... I CAN TELL YOU I DO NOT KNOW....YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE I HAVE EVER HAD THE PLEASURE OF MEETING.... YOU ARE ONE OF THE GREATEST PEOPLE I HAVE EVER MET.... RATHER YOU BELIEVE IT OR NOT.... I CAN NOT SEE MY LIFE WITH OUT YOU AND I CAN NOT SEE HOW I LIVED BEFORE YOU....MAYBE I WAS NOT LIVING TO BEGIN WITH..... I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE SO REAL IN  MY LIFE....IN MY MIND YOU ARE MINES....YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE.... IN MY HEART YOU ARE MINES....IN MY LIFE YOU ALWAYS WILL BE MY NUMBER ONE....I HAVE GIVEN MYSELF TO YOU....I BELONG SOLEY TO YOU....100% WITH NO EXCEPTION.... NO EXCUSES....MY HEART AND SOUL BELONGS TO YOU.... MIND AND BODY LIES NEXT TO YOU....NO ONE CAN TAKE YOU PLACE....AND I THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE AND ALL THAT YOU WILL EVER DO....I WAS DEAD AND YOU REVIVED ME....I FELT LESS THEN AND YOU MADE ME MORE....YOU TOUGHT ME MORE....YOU MADE ME FEEL MORE....YOU TOUGHT ME TO LIVE AGAIN.... YOU SHOWED ME HOW TO BE A WOMAN AGAIN....YOU MADE MY HEART START TO BEAT AGAIN....MY THANKS TO YOU WILL NEVER END....I LOVE YOU MY DADDY....YOU ARE A GREAT AND YOU HAVE BEEN A GREAT MAN....

 

IT FEELS SOOOO GOOD AND IT HURTS SO DMAN BAD... MY SOLDIER HAS GONE BACK TO IRAQ UNTIL MAY... I WOULD LIKE TO ASK EVERYONE WHO READS THIS TO PRAY FOR ALL OF THEM WHO AREOVER THERE... AND THEIR FAMILY'S IT IS HARD SO SO SO SO HARD... I THANK GOD FOR THE TIME THAT WE HAD... LORD KNOWS I NEEDED IT AND IM NOT JUST TALKIGN ABOUT THE SEX... WE WIL NOT GO THERE RIGHT NOW.. ALL IMMA SAY IS UMM... THANK YOU.....FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DONT KNO WME ... I AM SO GAY LOL I LOVE WOMEN TO DEATH AND ONLY HAVE DATED THEM.. BUT HIS MAN IS SOMETHIGN SPECIAL.. HEIS MY BEST FRIEND AND MY MAN... HEMAKES MY WORLD GO AROUND.. AND WITH HIM GONE IT FEELS LIKE EVERYTHING HAS STOPPED.... I KNOW THAT MAY IS NOT THAT FAR OFF BUT LORD KNOWS IT HURTS EACH TIME HE HAS TO LEAVE.... AND IT FEELS LIKE APART OF ME IS GONE........ MISSING AND UMMM YEAH I HAVE BEEN CRYING MY ASS OFF FROM THE MOMENT HE GOT HERE UNTIL HE LEFT ON MONDAY IT HAS BEEN AN JOURNEY.....LADIES HE HELD ME SO TIGHT.... HE WAS ABLE TO PUT HIS ARMS AROUND ME... AND IT FELT SO GOOD.. THAT SOMEONE FINALLY COULD HOLD ME ALL OF ME.... LOL MY BUTT SITTING HER CRYING... I THANK GOD FOR EACH AND EVERY SINGEL MOMENT THAT LED ME UP TO NOW .... ANDI KNOW THAT IT CAN ONLY GET BETTER.... I KNOW I HAVE COME SO FAR AND BEEN THREW SO MUCH.... I THANK GOD I THANK HIM SO MUCH I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR EACH DAY THAT I CAN BREATHE WITHOUT CHOKING FOR EACH NIGHT THAT I LSEEP WITHOUT WAKING UP GASPING FOR AIR... FOR EACH MILE THAT I WALK AND RIDE EACH DAY... I AM SO GRATEFUL.... FOR AHIVN GTO PULL UP MY CLOTHES ON MY BUTT... FOR BEING AABLE TO SMILE FOR HAINVGHE ABILITY LOOK IN MYSELF IN THE MIRROR AND KNOW THAT I AM BEAUTIFUL.. IT FEEL SO GOOD..... TO HEAR PEOPLE TELL ME HOW GOOD MY PROGRESSIS LOOKIGN TO BE ABLE TO SHARE MY STORY... TO HAVE ALLT HE SUPPORT THAT I HAVE I AM SO GRATEFUL..... I LOVE EACH AND EVERY MOMENT IN MY LIFE.. I LOVE MY LIFE... I VALUE MY LIFE..... I THANK GOD THAT I AM ALIVE.... I LOVE SHARING AND SHOWING MY STORY MY WORK IN PROGRESS....