tangi69
Well, Im unsure where to begin, there is so much to say. My story begins with the birth of my first child, Dustin. My high school sweetheart and I were very much in love or so i believed. He left when i was 7 months pregnant and was never seen again. In the last year Ive spoken to him and have forgiven him for leaving. I met James in 1990 and married him in 1993. He was the man that could make me breathless with a look and could destroy me with a single word. I gave birth to five more kids from 1994 til 1999, including a set of twins. We were the perfect family, always receiving tons of compliments wherever we went with our kids. Somewhere along the way James and I both lost our way. He began drinking and thats when the abuse started. He never hurt me sober and when he was drinking he just took his frustrations out on me. He never remembered and somehow I always saw my way thru the hurt to forgive him. Years and years passed, I would quietly take the abuse in the dead of the night and never faltered from loving my husband. The kids grew and I thought I did a great job hiding all my pain from family and friends. I never told a single person just how bad my life had become when he would drink. I loved him so deeply, it was like I couldnt get enough of him.. like i was addicted to him. Along with the abuse came the weight gain. I just kept eating. My weight kept going up. In July of 2006, I came home from a town celebration with all the kids. My husband had decided to drink while we were out and when we came in...he went into a rage, determined to drive... I was trying to stop him. He was knocking me down, I was oblivious that our children were watching and as he got into the car and reved out of our garage,,, the headlights caught my daughters frozen face... i yelled..she moved.. he almost hit her. In that moment i knew this was the end. The next day I called my parents and told them everything. My Dad (my rock) helped me plan when and how to leave. I had to find a full time job which i did within 4 weeks and then in January of 2007 I moved out with all my kids. It was the hardest and scariest thing Ive ever done. I left loving my husband and I still do to to this moment. Now I realize that him and I cant be. He was always my first choice yet alcohol was always his choice. He still drinks to this day. My leaving stopped him for about a year, then he began again. I divorced him in June of 2009. The year of 2009 I made some big decisions. I chose the divorce and I chose to really devote myself to this process for surgery. My weight is a wall between me and living life. Im choosing to live. I wont let anything keep me from reaching my goals. I want to show my children that its never too late to turn any situation around. Im excited about my new beginning.
