tara-b

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

ok , so it's been relatively easy to get back on track with the glucerna 2 x day and the low cal meal at night. but since going onto evening shift , im finding that im really tired late afternoon and into the evening.is this lack of potein??
tonight i did things a bit different. i had the glucerna  late in the morning when i got up , then had the meal as soon as i got to work or with in an hour anyway, and then tonight around 9 i had the other glucerna. it wasnt bad . i didnt feel as tired , but didnt feel real great either , but then i only took in about 650 cal of the 800 im supposed to eat , so i had a a piece of string cheese and a hard boiled egg to add to the protein and up the calories. i know i went over a bit , but i did do the tread mill for a few minutes when i got home. now its time for me to go to bed as i have to be back at work at 7 am. will be tired if i dont get t o bed soon. its 1230 now.
tara-out

well , today is christmas , i did fairly well. i ate a few things i probly wont be able to once banded like peroghy's but i only had 3 where as in the past i would probly have eaten twice that and then picked a bit more at some.
i didnt have any of the sour cream to go with them , nor did i eat the sticky buns . i did have a couple chocolates but in the past i would have eaten more than 2 and they werre diabetic ones anyway.

when i got home from my brothers after opening gifts and the brunch , i did a few minutes on the treadmill . then around4 or so i was a it hungry so i had a cheese string and some carrot with a lil bit o ranch dressing to dip. i think i may have been hungrier than i thought tho as after that i couldnt wait to have dinner , had a michelenas with some added vegies , then an apple with a lil peanut butter. now i am so full. but not uncomfortably so.

tomorrow i will hit the pre-op hard core till i cook the turkey for newyears day family thing i want to do.

i also did a total of 35 min on treadmil today/tonight

tomorrow as i said hard core on the pre-op  , will also do the treadmill . if my shoulder feels better than it does right now , ill go on the ab thingy too.

so thats about it. count down is on....YAYYYYYYYY

ok here goes

been quietly dieting pre-op for about a week . not strictly but have been following about 3/4 or the pre - op diet. cheated a bit on friday i had 1 butter tart , not the pastry tho im not a pastrry fan , just ate mostly the filling.
i have been doccumenting everything i eat in a book.being very honnest and not lying to myself or anyone else who might see it.
yesterday i got on the scale was down 5 lbs.
was like yipeeeee.
have decided no getting on scale till jan 9th now or maybe just a few days earlier like the 5th. yesterday went to pot.
i had my glucerna meal replacement shake at 8 am , then was making breakie for my clients at work ,pancake and sausage. had 1 bite of sasage (icky i not like them but felt i needed protein was dragging a bit) then i ate 1 4 inch pancake I HATE PANCAKES!!!! havent had one in like 30 years. what is up with that?? then had 1 slice of ww toast with2 tbsp of egg salad in it (not bad) then off to movie theatre with client.
had small pop and popcorn there. which isnt the best to do when have to dp pre-op diet but i ordered small not medium or large like i would have in the past.
when i got home i had a weight watcher dinner , then proceeded to have a bit more popcorn later that i hadnt finished at the show.


so i have come to conclusion i cant look at scale. if i do and i see a loss , i freak out and i guess feel like i need to gain it bck beofre some one sees or something i dont know.......i feel so bad.

i guess the only plus is that i didnt eat allnight , that i didnt pig out but i cant figure out why i ate stuff like the pancake when i hate them in the first place.

the pop i can deal with. i have been so good. no pop in like 6 or 7 weeks  except for the diet one i tried to drink last week and it made me sick.

what do u think?????

FIRST OF ALL , I WISH I COULD FIGURE OUT HOW TO KEEP FONT COLOR AND SIZE THE SAME SO I DONT HAVE TO SET EVERYTIME I POST IN HERE OR ON THE MESSAGE BOARD......THATS MY VENT.

So family christmas dinner is tonight up at my sil's. will be great to see the niece and  nephew. im a bit nervous about supper as i am going to be "practicing" for when i get banded in january. i have been loosely following my pre-op diet and doing pretty well. saturday was a hard day though .i will cut and paste my note to christina about accountability and how i feel off the wagon that day.i must say though i got lots of housework done that day , had lots of energy in the evening , and i had been feeling like i was dragging my azz before that , so maybe it was my body saying i can handle the decrease in calories as im not really hungy , how ever you need to give me protein or something , and not rely on the meal replacement drinks so much. So since that dreadfull saturday i have been alternating on shake days . 1 day i have 2 and a low cal meal and the next i have 1 and 2 low cal meals. i know i dont have much of a basis to go on since today is monday , but i have to say i havent feeling so tired or dragging as i was. maybe this is what i need to do to get the weight off and keep myself feeling good.
the one thing i am noticing is that between the pre-op diet (no matter how loosely i follow it or dont follow it) and the having to test my blood levels so often , i am eating on a more regular basis and sometimes think i might actually feel as though im hungry.
anyway, so today i made a trip to the grocery store , picked up a wack of low cal tv dinners for the pre-op diet , more meal replacement drinks , lemons for my water , a few vegies for tonights dinner and some flowers for sil for tonights supper , not that we are going to be eatting them. I also looked for some foods that i will be wanting when i ge home after surgery , like tomatoe juice , nectars , fruit , ect. still cannot find any sugar free fat free carnation instand breakfast of any puddings and such so i wll have to purchase some of this stuff in the states and bring it home with me on the plane. after new years i plan to make a trip down to costco and load up case lot stuff of tomatoe juice , thinsations , tomatoe soup , veg soup and some light laffing cow chesse if i can get a big container , and of course yogurt and maybeeven a flat of eggs although id rather get them from an organic farmer , im just not sure that this time of year i will find any. 
while i was at the store , i decided that i was going to cook one of my organic turkeys before im banded and package up the turkey into small packages , some sliced and some ground in the chopper i bought.
then while i was doing so , i  had a thought that i am currently determined to follow through on. I am going to get in touch with the slavation army and ask for them to give me a small family 2-3 people that are in need and have them over for dinner as well. this will be the start of my new yearly tradition since my dad died.
maybe ill post it on the message board and see what others do to help out the less fortunate although i dont want people to think im looking for praise or anything, so i will take a bit of time to think about that.
but for now , i need to get my butt in gear and get the vegies ready that i am taking for tonights supper adn the kitten is demanding some attention as well.
tara-out

OK , well today , i did pretty good up until supper time.

altho i dont have to start the pre-op diet until january 1 i thought it would be a good idea to perhaps kind of loosely begin it now. so for the past few days i have been doing gluderna protein meal replacements , and then a reg meal at supper , how ever being careful not to over eat or eat bad foods. up until tonight i was doing well. 

then i got lazy , didnt feel like making anything , the roads were icy and it has been snowing all day. soooooooooo
like a dummy i ordered take out. at the time i started eating i was also reading my emails and came accros one that i found quite disturbing and it  upset me so i began to respond to it while i ate. ah ha so maybe this is it, maybe cuz i wasnt reall paying much attention i over ate as the next thing i knew i ate it all , where normally i can only eat 1/2 before feeling full.
now it is 4 hours after eating and i feel like crap. totally bloated , uncomfortable and blahhh.
wow even just typing this i have figured out , so psuchologically i feel better. was thingking i should maybe make myself vomit to get the over full feeling out of body , but i so hate when i puke as for me it is like projectile vomiting and harsh. so id rather not.

ok so enough of that as i think i figured out why i did it. no more beating myself up over it. learn from it and,,,,,,,DONT DO IT AGAIN!!!!

so onto other news ,
went to family doctor this am. got letter for emplyer about needing time off for surgery. was easy to get , he is so understanding and i think very interested. i will be his first patient that has had weight loss surgery let alond the lap band. i also got the results from the sleep ap test i did before going for consults and while it does show a problem doc did not feel it was a serious enough issue to warrent the c-pap machine. he feels it will correct itself as i lose the weight. then we talked about the pain meds and since i am not able to get the lortab here (canada) i will fill it in u.s. and if i should need something more than tylenol when it is gone he will rx something for me here. so that too was a relief. i cannot believe how on oard he has been with this. i thought for sure he would be against it and be of the attitude to eat less , exercise and his fav old saying stay out 7-11 , mcdonalds  , dq ect.
so tommorrow back towork and the letter goes to the manager, i have begun not to expect her to comment on things as i have not really given her the chance to do so as i have gone to  her with all appointments and such with dr note in hand so she cant really comment. how ever im not holding my breath that she will not make a comment. anyway it is 1130 and i have to be up at 530 so its off to bed for me. hopefully this over full feeling will subside and iwill get to sleep shortly. as for tomrrow , i willnot make this mistake again. tomorrow i will stick to the shakes and the 300 cal meal and see how i do.wishing myself luck

tara out

well i have a date. jan 16 is the day i get banded.

i flew down to everett on tuesday and had consults all day yesterday then turned around and flew home after they were finished.

i fergot how big the sea tac airport is. i didnt get lost but my mom did.

anyway all the consults went fine. got to meet the gal who has relatives near where i live and stuff. its great to put a face to the name.

we had a good chat for a few minutes. she works there so we coldnt really talk too much but im sure we will keep in touch

anyway , the consults went fine and as i said we have set a date.
so i will fly back in january on the 15th
have the surgery on the 16th
and then fly home on the sat or sunday
doc says about 3-4 days of pretty good pain is average so i will stick around for those days instead of hanging around in airport and sittin on plane and such as im assuming that that will be hard to do.

now to tell the boss im gonna be off 2 weeks
she not gonna like it
so im gonna go to family doc and get a letter from him.
i didnt want to get it from the surgeon cuz all his letter h ead will tell what type of surgery he is having and i dont want her to know. so getting letter from family doc is best.

i also have to find out from him about liquid vicadin , whether or not i can get it from him or if i need to fill rx in the u.s.

also wanna see about getting the nausea patch i have heard about. might be better than gravol.

anway im quite pleased although not jumping up and down with excitement. im sure that will come as will the nerves of actually having it done. im so greatful for this site and those i have met on here. with out them all , im sure id be stuck and probly still pondering what to do.

anyway the sheets are calling so im heading to bed.

tara- out

ok , well the nreves are playing with my head. the paper work is freaking me out. getting on plane no issue there ,
i love flying , and no my arms dont get sore , i learned a new way to fly . instead of using my own energy i let alaska air flap their wings.

sofar today i have tried 3x to fill out the paper work , and still have not done so. what have i done?? well lets see , i have tested my blood a few times since i am now in the pre-diabetic stage , i went to get the results from sleep apnea test , but they werent in or something i dont know dumb doctors. what else , oh got prezies wrapped for my oh buddies on here that missed out on secret santa so we doing our own. then i watched a video , now im watching another but inbetween the one i watched earlier and this one , i went to the movie theatre and watched the golden compass , i liked it , no references to god at all so where thy get off saying that it is teaching kids not to believe in god is beyone me.
i have kind of packed for trip , kind of not but thats not unsual for me , im a throw it all in at last minute person anyway when it comes to packing , but with paper work im usually way done b4 needed..ha ha not this time.ok , so shower done , legs shaved , pits shaved , now what???? oh yeah the paper work. take a deep breath tara and just go do it. one page at a time. remember you have the determination to get this done and be successful , u quit smoking in 3 days , never looked back , when you read in here , no pop , you stopped drinking it except for the very rare occasion , what has it been 3 drinks of pop in 3 weeks? remember what it used to be 3 litres a day. you are on the way , your blood levels are looking good since doing that as well.

okies there's my self talk , now go to the paper work!!!!!

tara-out

Well , this time next week i will be getting packed up and flying off to Sea Tac
 for my lap band consults. I know that this is what i  want to have done , i know i need this tool to proceed and get to and maintain a healthy weight.
but it is still scarey. one of the scariest things i guess is the unknown of course.
im worried about after care cause i live in b.c. and the surgeon is in everette. fills will be a bit of an issue as well in bad weather as it is a 7 hour drive for me to get there.then of course there is the band itself , and is the one that nwwl uses the best? or is this new reliance or what ever its called that dr. curry has just started using the better one and how do you know whichis better really. at times i feel so confused.
what i am clear on is  i want the band
and and not any other surgical technique , i will use it as a tool and make it work , i wnat to be healthy , i want to wear normal sized clothes and have more energy , i want to enjoy life and try new things that i know im not able to enjoy to its fullest because of my weight.
ok now that i have vented , im ready to leave my blog and go make supper.
tara -out

WELL GOT THE UPDATED NEW PATIENT INFO PACKAGE THAT I HAVE TO FILL OUT AND BRING WITH ME WHEN I GO FOR CONSULTS.
WOW SO THOROUGH: 2 DIFF TYPES OF DEPRESSION QUESTIONAIRS , AN ANXIETY LEVEL QUESTIONAIRE ,
THEN THE MEDICAL STUFF , PROBLEMS U HAVE OR DONT HAVE
EATING HABBITS , EXERCISE HABBITS , RELEASE INFO FORMS FOR DOCS.

THANK GOODNESS I HAVE A SUPPORTIVE GP AS HE MAY GET TIRED OF FILLING OUT FORMS AND ANSWERING QUESTIONS AND START CHARGING ME A FEE HAHAHA. HE ASLO PHOTOCOPIED ALL MY RECENT LABS SO THAT I MAY NOT HAVE TO HAVE SOME OF THE TESTS DONE AGAIN.



PAGES AND PAGES OF INFO NEEDED.
GOOD THING I GET IN SO EARLY (3 WEEKS TILL APPOINTMENTS) IT WILL TAKE ME THAT LONG TO FILL EVERYTHING OUT.

WELL TIME FOR ME TO GO RELAX IN HOTTUB AND GET THINGS READY FOR WORK TOMORROW.

 november 19 2007
ok this is second time now for this blog entry. lost internet connection  

first time wiriting it , and lost it. here we go again

booking flights , hotel , car ect for my consults next month.
got dr's note yo give to emplyer for the needed time off for the appointments since i have to leave the country for them. she not gonna be h appy and going to want to know what is going on , but i have chosen not to tell her what my plans are especially after her comments last week when i thought i might tell her.

i have told a few friends and family how ever not all know. it isnt that im worried i wont get the suppport from them as i know i will, but that i h ave not been told yes tara we at northwest will do the surgery and this is when we will do it.
once that happens , then i will tell the rest of those who need to know.
this has not been an easy choice to make , but with my dr.s finally coming on board and supporting my choices and in leu of the fact i have recently been told i am boaderline diabetic , i know i need help and this is it. all the dieting and exercising in the past hasnt done it for the long term and im so tired of the merry  go ground , i want to get off , it truely is no longer fun and hasnt been for years.

im wondering about the diabetes thing as my dr. has opted to wait in both my testing regulatly and meds. while i agree with meds as i have read and dr has said with the weight loss , i may not need them , so lets wait to see when surgery date will be , im not so sure i should not bother with more than every 4 month testing. id be courious if anyone is reading my blog entries to see what they think. opinions only i know , not expert advice here and thats just fine

soon to be a loser 
and being off the merry go round for good

t