Countdown

Nov 28, 2009

Four days til surgery......Ive gotten as close as two days before surgery before the hammer fell.....I guess it just wont feel "real" until I wake up in recovery.....

I don't feel any panic or anxiety about the surgery, I have a very strong faith in God and my surgeon....

The only real concern is my husband being at the hospital, he doesn't have a spleen, and hospitals are so germy....he says he will be okay, but I'm not gonna be able to be there to wipe everything down with a Clorox wipe.

My kiddos will be at their Dad's house, he is going to see to them....which is good for him, he needs to be more involved in their lives....

I still feel like I have a million things to do, but I don't really....I just need to pack the boys and our stuff on the day before as we will need everything up until then.....

I look at all the before and after photos, and wonder, will i ever really be thin, can this surgery work for me....like I'm some abnormal being that's meant to be overweight and miserable their whole life...I'm not...I'm worthy!!!!!

I met a lady from OH who lives in a town on the way to the hospital, she told me she wrote letters to her kids and felt "if" she didn't make it she wanted them to know how much she really loves them....I think I may do the same,  but if i did,  I'm afraid it would show weakness in my faith.

I came across a post on the boards that said " my hubby is becoming intolerant" that is what a lady said about her situation...excuse me....what?   Where is it written and who the heck told these men, that they can become "intolerant" of anything.....I'd like to see a woman say that.....I don't think so....Men need to go buy a big ol bag of tolerance every week....I be dang if a man is ever gonna say that crap to me....that burns my butt!!!

I'm just puttin out there everything that is crossing my mind....its 12:42 am and I should be in bed....but I'm here...blogging...im out... 

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