Tanya A.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

So, on that note, I have decided to share a little more of my life with those of you on OH. I really find the information shared on here to be of tremendous help, and so with that mentality, I hope that what I can/will share can help someone down the road. I really want to give a lot of credit to Dame Tooter, and Amy W, for all the help and support that is provided on the message boards, and to all the OH members that have responded to me through emails and/or posts with information I have asked about or for. The energy and enthusiasm, along with the stories, the “soapbox” episodes and such, are extremely helpful! Please don’t change that!!!

I grew up with a dysfunctional family, but who hasn't right? It wasn’t always the best family/childhood life, but it also wasn’t the worst. My dad was Military (Army for almost 25 yrs) and I was able to spend a lot of my child hood growing up in Germany, and various other stations in Texas, Louisiana (I was a baby then), and then in Kentucky. Mom was a stay at home mom. I have 1 younger sister, and 2 brothers. Unfortunately, my youngest brother passed away at the age of 18 in 1999. So I now have my sister, who I am extremely close to, who lives in Indiana, and a brother I am just starting to renew a relationship with, living in Missouri.

Growing up, I was lucky enough to be fairly problem free from weight issues. At the age of 14, I did sort of balloon up for a short time, then I grew about 3 inches, and thinned out. When I graduated high school, I was around 150lbs, in a size 8/10. The tops depended on the manufacturer, as I had/have a large umm… bust area. (Can’t seem to get rid of that!) Unfortunately, a year after I graduated, I ended up in emergency surgery for a ruptured ovarian cyst, which caused a large amount of internal bleeding, and an appendix that was about to rupture. Because I was still at home, and “sort of” in college, I was able to be under my father’s military coverage. Unfortunately, almost 20 yrs ago, that meant ONLY military surgeons and doctors. There were no civilians you had the option of seeing. So, here I go into surgery, with the doc promising “a small incision just under the bellybutton, nothing to worry about”. Yeah right! Ended up being cut from bellybutton to the top of, well, you know where! LOL Lots of staples, HUGE incision. To say the least, I was devastated!!! After the surgery, I was following up with a GYN doctor, and was told that massive amounts of endometriosis was discovered, and would require a long treatment timeframe. I was also told to limit the amount of activity I was doing (at that point in life, I was very active, with hiking and camping and lots and lots of bike riding). So, the next 6 months was spent taking birth control EVERY day, and weekly GYN exams. FUN FUN!!! After all that, the comment was made that I would never be able to have kids, and it was recommended that I have a hysterectomy. At 18?!?!?!?! What the hell?? Thank God for my mom. She was with me, and stood up for me while I was in shock. Needless to say, that surgery NEVER happened! And I have 3 wonderful kids now! THANK YOU MOM!!!!!!! Unfortunately, during this time is when I started my battle with weight.

At the age of 19, I met the man I was to marry later down the road. I met him shortly after an unfortunate incident in my life. I had moved out into my own place with a roommate from work, and as luck would have it, was raped in my own home about a month later. Fortunately, he IS in jail for this, among other things he had done. But, because of that traumatic experience, the man I met and then later married, should NOT have been in my life. However, and I will finally put this in writing, I was terrified with life and men in general. Insomnia kicked in at that time, and here almost 20 yrs later, I am ALMOST kicking the insomnia problem. So, long story short, we moved to Denver, about a year after we met, from Ft. Campbell, KY, and married about 7 months later. I was 4 months pregnant at that point, and I joke that it was a “reverse shotgun wedding” in the judges’ chambers. Let me explain: it took place at around 7:30am, on a Tuesday (I think), and we were “accompanied” by 4 of his brothers, the significant other of one brother, and his mother. I of course, wore black. Isn’t that appropriate? Anyway, my soon to be husband was holding one hand, his mother was holding my other hand, one brother was behind along with his SO, and 2 brothers were INSIDE the chamber blocking the door, while one stood OUTSIDE the chambers blocking that door. Did I mention, getting married was NOT my idea?  So, the judge asks me why all these people, and I of course reply sarcastically (my mistake) that I did not want to get married. Everyone laughed (except me) and the judge apparently thought it was just a joke. At that point, I figured why not? Just get it over with so I can leave. Boy was THAT a mistake on my part! But, I did it, and I lived to tell my tale.

A little about my marriage, because this is VERY important!! We married when I was 5 months pregnant, Jan 31, 1991. My son was born on June 9th. Up until that point, although I knew I had made a mistake in getting married (sorry kids, I have to be honest) I was trying to make things work. After all, this was the man I had married, for better or for worse. Unfortunately, during the last 2 months of my pregnancy, his 2 teenage sons moved in with us. I was off work due to high risk pregnancy, he was working day labor jobs (when he actually got up), and his sons were just plain slobs (their ages I know) and expected me to wait hand and foot on them. Needless to say, NOT a good environment. SO, the time comes, I go into labor and we head off to the hospital. It was a long delivery, not as smooth as we would have hoped, but came through with little trauma. Home in less than 24 hours later. Problems with nursing, sleeping, you know typical new mom and new baby stuff that happens with no experience. This was when I found out what I had married. 10 days after I am home, trying to nurse my son, take a nap, recover, I get knocked off the bed with a backhand slap because I had not gotten up off my fat a$$ and cleaned the house or taken care of the boys (his). This pattern continued for another 5 yrs, and 2 more kids (my daughters), before things finally came to a head, and he tried to kill me and my son, who was 5 at the time. Yes, I said kill. Isn’t that a way to live?

As to why this is SO important: before my son, I was a semi-normal weight, around 160lbs. Pregnancy, gained about 21 lbs, and lost 40 after giving birth. Got pregnant again when he was 4 months old, gained a lot of weight, and this time, didn’t lose very much. This put me at around oh, I would say about 225lbs, give or take about 10lbs. Pregnant again a 1 ½ later, but had to end that pregnancy due to complications. Gained a bit more weight with that, as I was about four months along. Pregnant AGAIN 1 yr later, and my last child (daughter) was born. By this point, I had ballooned up to 331 lbs. Life was WONDERFUL! NOT! Well, it was with the kids. I would not trade a single minute or experience in my life for what I have with them! They are what keeps me sane, while at the same time, they cause my insanity!

Not so great marriage, but I do want to put a disclaimer here: I married a man that was 15 yrs my senior, that unfortunately had 2 diseases he could not control: Alcohol and drugs. When he was clean and sober, he was an absolutely AMAZING man! Unfortunately, it just was too much for him to fight his addictions for a life time, and he would inevitably fall back into that pattern. I want to make sure that is understood clearly, for both my kid’s sakes, my family’s sake, and for my friendships that have seen me through some of my toughest times. “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger” I live by that credo daily. It’s what has made me a survivor, and helped during the rough days of raising 3 kids alone for the past 10 yrs. Unfortunately, I also have to add that the man I had married, passed away about 18 months ago from a heart attack. So it truly is just me and the kids from here on out.

So, that’s how my weight problems started. Depression kicked in, isolation was normal, and food became my comfort, although for years I denied that I ate that much. I still deny NOW that I eat that much, but I have a food diary that I keep that shows me I really do not eat that much. My problem now, I don’t want to eat. And apparently, when your body is in starvation mode, it is NOT such a good thing. Weight just seems to pour on that way as well. Doesn’t that just suck? LOL

So, now I am still in my Consultation phase, following the medical groups’ standards of 6 months physician weigh-ins and all the tests and classes required. I was able to talk to my case manager last week, and I’m on the right path. Anticipating, crossing my fingers, surgery sometime around April or May 2007 at the latest.

I wanted to say thank you to Denise B, who lives close to me and had her surgery a few weeks ago. She gave me the information on a great PCP, the dietician, case manager, everyone that I would need to follow and lead me to the final destination: WLS!!!!

YEAH! I can’t wait to become a “Loser” like everyone else that has had WLS!

Thanks for reading such a LONG story, and being so patient!