Goal. 46 weeks Post-Op, 137 pounds

Oct 08, 2010

FINALLY!  The scale said 137 this morning.  I had originally set my goal at 138, so I'm one pound below goal.  116 pounds lost, over 100 inches lost, in 46 weeks.  I spent the morning trying to get pictures together for you guys, so now I'm going to be late for work, so I can't say everything I want to say about what this means to me.  

Obesity has been my life long prison, and today, I finally feel free!  Love you guys, will give more details later!  

Now, the pics! 
ETA: Oh, size 6 jeans, size L top, 34D bra.  I started at size 24 jeans, size 4XL tops, 46DD bra.


 I literally ran out of the house to make my train this morning.  I was so excited that I finally (finally is relative, but I had been stuck at 139 for 3 weeks-I'm NOT complaining!) hit that elusive number that I HAD to get pics up because I know how much you guys love a photo-whoring, bleary eyed, Tassia!

But because the DS is not just about being thinner, I had to come back and post all the OTHER stuff besides the outside that have changed for me in the last 10 1/2 months.

The Good:
-My blood pressure is n-o-r-m-a-l!  106/62.  Pre-op, I was running 150/100-Stroke territory
-I can breathe.  Because of my previous tummy tuck, I carried my weight in my upper abdomen.  That bulk compressed my lungs and any kind of exertion left me breathless.  This limited my activity so much that I was practically a hermit.
-I can eat now.. lol. The first 6 months, eating was VERY frustrating.  Two bites and done.  Carbs wreaked havoc on my gut.  Any kind of carbs.  Bread, fruit, veggies, rice, potatoes, sugar.. you name it, it was a MESS!  Now, not so much.  Only sugar gives me awful diarrhea.  I can eat carbs if I have room left after my protein, and I don't really worry about gas or potty issues
-My measurements have changed as follows:
          Chest Before-51 inches                        Chest After: 36 inches
          Waist Before-  49 inches                       Waist After:  30 inches
          Hips Before-     52 inches                      Hips After:   35 inches (translation:  NO ass!)
          Thigh Before-   28 inches                      Thigh After: 18 inches
          Arm Before-     18 inches                       Arm After:   12.5 inches 
          Calf Before-     19 inches                        Calf After:   13.25 inches
          Neck Before-    16.5 inches                    Neck After:   12.25 inches

The Bad:
-Shopping is expensive!

I've never reached a weight goal I have set for myself.  Always 20-30 pounds short.  Having made it here is unreal to me.  Pinch me, seriously.  I've been obese since I was 7.  I uploaded a bunch of pictures of me at various times of my life-at times I should be ecstatic, but I know that there's that little asterisk in my mind.  "Yeah, so?  Look at how fat you are".

I was diagnosed with an eating disorder at the age of 38.  A grown woman with a nursing degree and two children to care for and I was determined that I would rather die than regain the weight I had lost.  It took the tough loving of my best friend and my sister to get me to help that I needed.   It was truly a prison.  My therapist has been with my through this whole thing.  And we're monitoring things, but let me tell you, this is NOTHING like that was.  I eat.  I eat whatever I want.  I eat nachos and steak, and pistachios, and even candy.  I eat because I LIKE FOOD, dammit.  And that's not a sin.  And I workout when I can.  I don't feel the absolute compulsion to workout until I passed out.  

I'm thinner than my always skinny sister.  My friend tells me not to lose anymore weight.  My mom says its like she has a new daughter.  My kids are proud of me.  My daughter is giddy that we're sharing clothes!

My Belly
A few people have commented on how good my belly looks.  No sagging skin.  Well, been there, done that, and have the scars to prove it.  I had an anchor cut tummy tuck in 1999, after I had lost from 293 pounds to 163 pounds.  Although its not as tight as it was back then, its held up pretty damn good for what I've put it through.  I've also posted pictures of before my tummy tuck, after the weigh gain, and current, on my profile, but they're semi-nudies, so only if you're my friend.. lol.

Well, that's it.  I'm still not rich, I still have other problems, but let me tell you, the absence of the constant "fat-track" in my head is liberating!

I heart my DS, big time!

And how can I thank all the wonderful people who led me here. I can't name them all, because I know I'll forget some.  But a special thank you to Diana-her surgery wars posts piqued my interest and I never looked back.  Larra, who held my hand, virtually, last summer through some struggles I was having reconciling if I should have any kind of WLS.  And to Nicolle.  (Did you all know that me and Nicolle's sister went to the same high school?  Yeah, we didn't either until we met irl over a year ago.  Its a small world!)  She's amazing, a dynamo, an incredible living, walking testament to all that is good.  Oh, Nicolle, my mom thinks we look alike too!.. lol.  And to my angel Stephanie, I'll never forget your kindness!

That's all.  Thanks for indulging me ;)

Freedom~5 months post op

Apr 18, 2010

Its been 5 months since my DS with Dr Stewart.  I weighed in this morning at 175, that's 78 pounds lost.  I haven't been exercising regularly.  In fact, my only exercise has been increased daily activities.  Which, for now, is reasonable.  I walk more.  I go up and down the stairs more.  I park farther away from the store.  I've been dealing with some hemorrhoid issues for a while.  I'm ready to give in and go to a doc.  Its affecting my activity, and my vitamins, and my overall level of happiness!  Calcium and iron constipate me something fierce.  I can't afford that.  I take stool softeners, they make my belly cramp up.  I have to find a happy medium.

The last time I was at this weight it was so hard.  There was so much obsessing.  So much unhappiness.  Everything was a struggle.  Afraid of food, afraid of not working out, afraid of being in a social situation that included food.  There was so much hunger, and mental punishment.  I would recall all particularly painful memories about being overweight.  The teasing at school, the embarrassment, the taunting, the tears that started when I started to realize that being overweight DID matter to people I interacted with.  I would purposely cause myself mental anguish to stay on track.  And that made me generally depressed.  

And laxatives.  There's something I never thought I'd admit to.  I couldn't stand the thought of not being empty, so the laxatives were the answer.  A grown woman, working as a nurse, for goodness sake, and I was abusing laxatives!  Of course, the need to be near a bathroom cut my social activities even more.  But I was getting smaller, so nothing else mattered.  Nothing.  I had the timing down so I could binge and be assured the laxatives were taking effect, and increasing peristaltic movement and thus, the binge would come right out.  I discovered this the first Thanksgiving.  And it was wonderful.  I could plan a day when I would be home, and have anything and everything I had deprived myself.  But needless to say, it left me weak, and I would be dehydrated, and sleepy.  What a weekend!

I would journal my feelings, but it was really more a matter of getting my ugly thoughts on paper so they would be reinforcing.  

And the exercising.  Two hours of cardio.  I still remember the pattern.  12 minutes on the bike, 18 minutes on the stepper, 30 minutes on the elliptical, 30 minutes on the treadmill, 18 more minutes on the stepper, and finally, 12 more minutes on the bike.  Every. Single. Day.  On a diet of 1/2 a bagel and chewing gum.  The gum because if I didn't, my blood sugar would dip during my workout and I would feel like passing out. Then I would hit the weights.  A woman possessed.  It occupied the time I had to think about food.  It burned the calories I so desperately didn't want to eat.  I was 31 or 32 at the time.  With two kids.  A full time job, and this obsession that took SO much time. Oh, and part of the compulsion was that everything had to be divisible by three.  Why?  Who the hell knows.  It was hell.  That thought was simple and CONSUMED me. Everything was counted, divided by three.  If it divided evenly, I was ok.  If not, something felt off.  Even the number of laxatives (usually 6 at a time) had to be divisible.  The ounces of water.  The steps I took. The specific chunks of my workout times. Thank goodness there's 12 stairs in my house...lol.  The miles.  The number of letters in people's names.  Gah!  That was so awful.  I think it was a habit to take my mind off other things.  Fill your mind with clutter, there's no room for real problems.

Its so easy now.  I don't have those thoughts.  I thought I might slip back into the compulsion/obsession, but I haven't, yet.  This feels so different than back then.  Even though I'm the same weight.  This is the freedom my DS has given me!


Month One

Dec 17, 2009

Its been one month since my DS.  I'm down 28 pounds and I generally feel good.  I've gone back to work, and I am getting into a good routine with the stuff I'm bringing to eat at work.  The temptation of all the Holiday celebrations would have been overwhelming this week, but with the help of my tiny tummy, they're really pretty ignorable.

-I can breathe a lot better
-My clothes are getting loose
-I can see the weight loss in my face
-The volume I can eat is sometimes a hurdle since one bite too many is a crisis
-No bathroom issues.  Once, MAYBE twice in the morning.  That's it.  More regular than pre-op!
-Vitamins are pretty easy too

All in all, a positive first month, and I'm looking forward to the months to come!


About Me
Surgery Date
May 12, 2009
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