Tatem Kennedy

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To whom it may concern,

 My name is Tatem Kennedy, I am 18 years old and I currently weigh 350 pounds. That introduction sounds as if I am telling you who I am, when in reality the person I am has nothing to do with a particular number of pounds. Yet the person I am inside, and the way I am forced to live my life has everything to do with that number. My name isn’t Tatem, my name is Fat, Ugly, Obese, Monster, Huge, Disgusting, and Worthless. These are the names I answer to when viewed by society, by piers, and very often, myself.

 
            I look in the mirror and I don’t see myself, I see something I loath. I feel held captive in this body, I feel like I’m slowly dying from the outside in.

            
           Let me give you a little over view of my daily life.

I wake up in the morning, and I don’t feel rested. I feel like I haven’t slept at all. I am in so much pain, that I often have to run to the bathroom to vomit. I have to wait thirty minutes before carefully hobbling down the stairs to the living room.

           After I wake up, my day if followed by much of the same. I fight to stay awake even just hours after a “full" nights sleep. I take Advil by the handful just so I can bear to breathe. I’m able to sit for a whole five minutes before having to get up and change positions. I spend the majority of my day with my best and only friends, my animals. Sometimes I go days without even going outside.

 
            I don’t even feel like a human being anymore. I feel like a walking, talking, breathing cancer, an infectious disease that is slowly killing my spirit, hope, love, and life. I can’t even walk out the door of my house without having an anxiety attack. I can just imagine what I look like to everyone. In fact I don’t even have to imagine, their opinions of me can be clearly read on their faces.

            All day and all night I think about my life, and how I haven’t even lived yet. I think about all my medical issues, and how long I’ll live if I don’t get this surgery. I worry ALL the time, I cry ALL the time, I’m Scared ALL the time. I can’t go on like this anymore, it isn’t even living, it’s dying.

 
             I want more than anything to be healthy and thriving.  I want to be able to walk, and run, and dance. I want to be comfortable for just ONE second. I want to be able to sleep and breathe at the same time. I want to feel rested, vibrant, energized, and full of life. I want to live, and really live.

             I look forward to the day when I can say, “I’m Tatem Kennedy, I’m in college, I have friends, I have a job, and I love my life."  -I really hope you let this happen for me.

                         
            -Tatem Kennedy