tattitude
I find it especially ironic that I ended up with "severe morbid obesity". When I was a young woman in my 20's, (I was thin and shapely) I actually made fun of and talked badly about other women that were overweight. 30 years, 3 bad marriages later and not a shred of self-esteem left in me.... here I am beginning this journey. I actually thought that perhaps God saw what an evil, shallow person I used to be and gaining all this weight was my punishment. I became what I loathed.
A year or so ago, all that changed. After many, many years lost - I rededicated my heart, soul and life to worshiping and serving God. Now I am trying to improve myself and rebuild my broken life so that I can finally be happy in whatever capacity God has planned for me. I want.. no I NEED to lose this weight so I can enjoy life once again.
I will be doing my journey alone. My family cannot help support me. I don't feel I would be getting the support and encouragement for "taking the lazy way out". In fact, quite the opposite. If I would "just get up and go exercise".... if I would "just stop eating so much".... if I could "just use some self-control" and "take some pride in myself" ..... blah blah blah. Not every family is functional and emotionally healthy. During my last marriage, I lost what few friends I had as I became 1.) Born again 2.) Sober/clean 3.) severely depressed and stressed out and 4.) less social, completely physically sedentary and more reclusive and withdrawn while I packed on the pounds.
So now, I am left with just my dogs and I. I have acquaintances, I have people I have known for decades, but no one I would call a friend. My latest ex-husband and I have an amicable but sometimes strained kinship. Ironically, he's probably the closest thing I have to a friend. For now, this is my life - it is what it is and is much less stressful for me.
I retired in May 2014 after 32 years as a Registered Nurse with the Department of Veterans Affairs. Also got divorced December 23, 2014. Too many stressors threw me into a very deep depression which lasted far too long. I finally got some help with psychotherapy and medication and am feeling so much better and hopeful for my future now.
