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It's been awhile since I've posted an update, so I thought this would be a good time.  My 10 month surgiversary was yesterday (6/26/15) and things are going well. To date, I have lost 127 pounds and I'm feeling great. I no longer have back pain, leg pain, or shortness of breath after short walks.  In fact, I look for more opportunities to be active, whether it's parking further away from the entrance at stores or walking more at work. I work in a huge warehouse so there are many opportunities to get some walking in.  Just a few months, ago, I was so out of shape that I would use the company golf cart to go to from one end of the building to the other.  I simply couldn't walk that far due without gasping for air or stopping for rest several times along the way.  It's been months since I've used the golf cart to get around, and only then because something needed to get done right away.  

My coworkers have noticed the changes in my body and have offered some very encouraging words about my weight loss.  My family has been very supportive also and can't believe how much weight I've lost in a short period of time.  I posted my first picture since having surgery on Facebook and people were blown away at how different I look.  I'm going to a family reunion in KY in 3 weeks so it'll be great to reveal my weight loss to those that haven't seen me in a few years.

Although things are going great overall, there are some things that I'm struggling with.  I've started to let a few of my old habits creep back in and that makes me nervous. For the first few months, it was easy to stay away from the "bad" foods because I didn't have much of an appetite after WLS; however, over time my cravings have changed and I find myself wanting more of the foods I shouldn't have.  For the most part, I'm able to resist but there have been times where I've indulged.  What I've learned in my WLS journey is that surgery helped my body to change, but it doesn't change my thinking - that part is up to me.  I'm coming to terms with the fact that my mind has to control my body, not the other way around.

So there it is.  As of today, I'm 64 pounds away from my goal.  I'm fully intend to keep pushing myself until I get there and beyond!

As my surgery day approaches, I have become increasingly nervous and scared about my journey.  On top of that, my emotions continue to fluctuate constantly.  One minute, I'm excited about benefits that surgery will bring, but the next I'm scared to death about going under the knife. Over the last couple of days, I've come close to deciding not to go through with surgery because I'm afraid of something going wrong.  I know that the degree of anxiety about WLS varies with each person, but my fear and anxiety is at an all time high.  In all honesty, I believe that a lot of my emotional issues stem from caffeine and sugar withdrawal.  I'm into day 6 of my pre-op diet with consists of 3 protein shakes, one meal, and fluids.

At 363 pounds, I know that if I don't do something to lose weight and better my health I'm putting myself at risk.  I have a husband and three children that love and need me and I don't want to be away from them for something that I have control over.  Because of my BMI, I have to have an IVC filter placed on Friday (8/22) to reduce my risk of getting blood clots.  When I learned the process for inserting and removing the filter, I wasn't a happy camper.  Honestly, the IVC filter scares me more than the WLS.

I would appreciate any advice about how to stay positive during this transitional time in my life.