Tazzlover8

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OK.   9 weeks out.   Down a total of 50 from the start of the pre-op diet.   I am pleased enough.   Anyway  I was kinda shocked.  I went to Mc Donalds to get my favorite thing they serve.   A McRib.   Well, I got a regular tea and so... it was cheaper to get the meal.   Well, I know i am not supposed to  have  fries, but I decided to try one.   I thought about how wonderful they tasted and I actually almost looked forward to eating it.  

Well, I got my meal and the first thing I did (since i was driving) was take a fry out of the bag and put it in my mouth.   Now.... I admit, I did not gag on it, but you know..... it was not as wonderful as I remember them.   In fact, I was very dissapointed.   Now, I did eat about 1/4 of the McRib, sans the bun.  I made sure to scrape off most of the sauce too.   So pretty much it was the meat pickles and onions.   I know... not the best choice of foods, but I had to do it once.   But you know... I dont think I need to do it again.  I think I could make it the WHOLE rest of the year without having another.  It was ok... but not great.   Maybe the sour dough bread kinda tied it all together... but...I am good without it.  

Now... back to my high protien low carb diet.  

 

OK.   I hae not posted for a while.  Partially because I got slammed a few times and I was still reeling from the beating.  Also, I have found myself feeling a HUGE buyers remorse so far.   I have cut back my protien shakes from 3 to 1 per day.  I did this because I find them disgusting.   I tried putting them in milk... mixing them with sf syrups.... adding fruit.... adding spice... mixing them with juice.   Nothing seems to make them more palletable.  So, I figured... I can get my protien the way I am supposed to.... through real protien rich foods.  Ok.... well... I was pretty close to hitting my docs requirement of 60 grams per day.   I was getting nauseated every time I ate.  It has only gotten worse.

Drinking has become a challenge too.   I love milk, and was drinking a lot of it to help me hit my protien requirements.   I found myself having bowel issues... and not wanting to...well... not wanting to pass.   I hate water..... but was doing my best to get in at least 32 ounces per day.  Well when I cut back on the milk.... I did not  increase my water intake.   I am not dealing with dehydration.... but I still need to increase my fluids.     This weekend, I noticed how even drinking water made me sick too.  

It has gotten to the point that I dont want to eat or drink at all.   I am fine if I dont eat or drink... but as soon as something passes my lips..... I am sick.   Today I am trying to go back to basics.   I got up.... got to work.... I made a protien shake.... and have gotten down one ounce.   Of course... I was dry heaving in my trash can to do it... but I got it down and it is staying down. To chase the taste... I am chewing on a peice of turkey lunch meat.  Since the flavor is not very strong.... it is not helping much. I have a 23.7 ounce water sitting here next to me.   My goal is to have it down the hatch by 12.  Does not look like i am going to hit my goal though.  If I get it down by 2 I will be ok.  That still leaves me about 7 hours to get down another bottle.  

I guess the thing that I am confused about is my eating and drinking schedule.   You are not supposed to drink for 1 hour before eating... and one hour after eating... but you are supposed to have 5 small meals a day which should take you an hour each....... when do you have time to drink?  Does the protien shake count as a drink or a meal?  

Right now I am thinking...what in the world did I do to myself.  I hope it gets better.   Maybe if I was seeing a difference on the scale....I would feel better about this....but since the scale has not really moved in 12 days..... not really impressed.   I am really thinking I spent 2000 to lose 30 lbs.   sigh.

Besides this.... stress is really been crazy high levels lately.   My cat passed away last Thursday.   My dad is having surgery on Tuesday of next week.   Just about everyone else in my family is having some issues.  I have to remember that this too shall pass... but I would really like to look at God and ask him.... "Can you please have mercy and make this over soon?"

I am doing wonderful.   I was released the next day.   I have been doing great on my walking.   While I felt gas pressure the 2 days after surgery.... I dont feel any now unless i have just "eaten".   I felt a lot of lactic acid in my legs on Friday, but I have been doing a lot of walking and I think that might be part of the reason.  

I have not been adding much to my food list at all.   I am doing the horrid protien shakes.   I dont really like the taste of them no matter what I have done to jazz them up.  So I drink an ounce.... and a take a small lick of yogurt or peanut butter.   I cut the milk in half so it was easier to get down the whole shake.  It is much faster for me to do four ounces of liquids than 8.  

I worry that I may have already stretched my pouch though.   While it takes me a while to drink the 4 ounces.... I AM getting in about 80 grams of protien in a day.   I am also managing to get in half of the water too.   I see so many people struggle to get in the protien, and I wonder, did I do something to my pouch already?  I have only had liquids.

I have a little discomfort on the insicion that was made in my belly button, but otherwise, as long as I keep loose clothing on I am not really in any discomfort at all.   I was out shopping with my mom yesterday.   Only at Sam's but still.   I am very happy with my progress back to being normal.   In fact, I thought I was only going to be returning to work half time on Monday.  I think I will be ready to go full time.   I am feeling that close to normal.  

The worst part for me is still the head hunger.   I dont feel physically hungry.  I dont even know if I could tell you what that feels like.   But yesterday was a bad day for me emotionally.   Dad cooked hot dogs on the grill and oh how I wanted one.  They smelled so good.   I knew I couldnt actually eat it.   I knew that if I did try to eat it now it would probably hurt going down.   But they smelled so good.  Again, I cried thinking, what did I do to myself?  Again, I think that is because I am so sick of only having the protien shakes and water.  I think the lack of variety of flavor is really just getting old.    And I wont allow myself to have anything other than the protien shakes and water(not including the lick of yogurt to make the taste go away) until I have hit my 80 gram mark for the day.  So far, by the time I get there, it is almost time for bed. 

The up side is the scale now reads 273.6 as of last night.  So since I started the liquid diet for preop, I have lost a total of 16.4 lbs.  I am curious to see how much it reads this morning.   I admit I have become a scale junkie since I started the whole process.   I know I shouldn't, but  I just have to know.   Sometimes weighing myself as much as three times a day. 

Ok.  It is 11 am on Sunday.  I have surgery on Wednesday... so only 3 days left to go.   2.5 if you consider the fact that today is half over.   Last few days primarily head hunger.   The desire to taste something else and have the texture in my mouth.  I gave myself a treat yesterday.  I had a small shake.   Since I have made my caloric intake for the past 11 days... I figured it was about time to give myself a little treat.   And my doctor said, anything I could drink through a straw, I could have on the liquid diet.   If that put me past my caloric allotment yesterday... it could not have been much... because i got the kiddie size.  

The BIGGEST irratant right now is the fact that my monthly gift has arrived... sort of.   Mainly just spotting, but that should mean I should be right in the middle of the worst time when I go into the hospital.   That and I am already cramping pretty good from it... so I hope it does not distract me from noticing other things that are going on in my belly after surgery.  I guess the thing that annoys me about it the most is the fact that..... I have not had one since April.... did it really have to come NOW???? sigh.  

Ok.   I am 7 days down in the liquid diet.   Yesterday was REALLY hard for me.   Today, not so much.   I was at work and i was "busy" so I think that helps.  I noticed the weekend was harder for me to behave than it is when i work.  I can manage the head hunger for a few hours at home.... I can NOT handle it when I am home for long periods of time.  I find that it is much harder to resist at home for some reason.   Luckily I have to work all but 2 more days.

Crying over food.  I have been ok.   This is day 6 in the liquid diet.   I have been careful not to be around people when they are fixing food that I know will be a tempation.   But tonight was a first.   I came over to mom's house and I helped them make some baked potatoes.  They are going to have steak which is my very favorite food of all time.   A nicely grilled rare steak is unbeatable.   Well... I knew I was going to hide in the bedroom when they were eating.   But, they put the potatoes in the toaster oven and they smelled SO good.   We put butter, garlic powder, season salt on and in them (sliced them first).  Then a little salt and pepper on the outside..... OMG!!!!  In the oven, they smelled so wonderful.  I immediately got up and left the room to the farthest room in the house.   But I could not escape that smell.   I went into my moms room and laid on the bed and cried.   I want SO much to have just a little bite of anything.   Something to chew.... something that I could enjoy the spices of as I chewed it up.   I will never take for granted the flavor of anything ever again.  I feel so stupid.  I made mom feel guilty when she came in and saw I was crying... OVER FOOD!!!! REALLY???   I dont know if this is the emotional train wreck that everyone goes on or if it is happening for me earlier than everyone else... but I am really mourning food.   God I hope this gets easier. 

I went to GNC to get some protien powder.    While I was there I found some "kool aid" type protien drinks by isopure.   I was not sure I would like them... and I do/dont.    I DEFINITELY taste what ever it is that they put in it to make it "sweet"".   It tastes like sugar free raspberry Koolaid.   It has a whopping 40 grams of protien in it.    It is 20 ounces. It has only 160 calories.  

They had raspberry, apple, mango, fruit punch, lemon tea ( both black and green).   I might start trying to do one of these a day.  It is half of my goal protien requirement. 

It is sweet... but not foamy like the protien drinks can be after it has been in the blender.  And I think if you like sugar free things.... you would proably enjoy this.   They are  1.87 if you catch them on a buy one get one free special as I did.  if you have a gold card at GNC... it is even less during the first 7 days of the month when you get 20 % off of everything.   

I got on the scale this morning right after waking up... and it said I am down 8 lbs total.!!!!  YEAH ME!

Ok.   I decided it has been 3 days since I started the liquid diet and I am down 5 lbs already.  6 lbs if you go by my surgeons scale.   I wonder if this means I am going to be a fast loser.  

I could not resist.   I had to look at the scale.  

I had just gotten back from Girls Night Out.    We went out to dinner.   It was hard not getting a regular entree... and when my friend got hers... I so wanted to have a bite.   I behaved though.   I had wonton soup and left all of the wontons.   Just had the broth.  I really wanted one and I was feeling a little discouraged when I left.   But this makes up for it.   I know 5 lbs is not a lot of weight to lose.... but in three days... I think that is pretty good.  For me at least.

I also got a plain ice tea.   I cant drink water out unless it is from a bottle.   So I was pleased that I made a good choice with the tea... even though it was not decaffinated.   But if that is my only "cheat"  I am doing ok. 

*I know it mught just be partially normal weight fluctuations...but I am please with myself.*

I arrived a little late at the office this morning because I had to stop and get some milk for my shakes.  I also heard someone say that they put some pumpkin pie spice in it to add some flavor.   I thought it was a great idea.  

I get immediately to work.   But before I realize it, I look up and it is 9 oclock.  Well, if I am going to get in 5 protien shakes as recommended... I need to get on it.  So, I go into the kitchen to get everything mixed together.... and what do I see on the table?


DONUTS!!!

What a cruel world!!!!

I behaved and stood there and made my shake.... but it was so tempting to grab one when no one was looking.   But.... I was good.   Eyes on the prize, Cindy..... Eyes on the prize.