Giving myself permission

Nov 26, 2010

With this investigation into WLS, I have basically given myself permission to finally admit I'm MO and in desperate need for help.  In doing that, however, my brain is now accepting messages from my body that HOLY CRAP I hurt a lot.  I went out shopping with my sister today on Black Friday, and while it wasn't too bad out there, it was hell for my feet, knees, and ankles.  Never mind the fact that I accidentally broke a toe yesterday just getting up out of a chair.  My socked foot slipped on the hardwood floor and I stubbed my toe against a wooden chair leg.   This morning it was purple, red and black.  OW!

So imagine 237-240 lbs on that poor broken toe, walking for 4 hours in a shopping mall.  Between the screws in my heels from foot surgery two years ago digging into my flesh from the inside out, the broken toe, and my swelling legs, I have a whole new set of pain signals coming in and with each one, I am more certain of my decision to move forward with WLS.

I told my sister about it last night over drinks.  She, too, is at least obese if not MO as well. She won't tell me her weight, but at 5' 2", she is carrying way too much extra.  Of course she didn't mean to sound mean, but when I asked her if she'd ever considered WLS as an option, she said, "I am going work hard to lose my weight.  I just need to get motivated and stick with it."  Like having surgery is easy.  Blecccch.  Wow, how many times I've been in that same spot, thinking the same way.  I am grateful for the counseling I've received and the research I've done to know that for me, I have to act on and resolve my health crisis I'm in from several angles ...  


WLS - to get myself on the way to a healthy BMI ASAP and relieve some of the direct physical issues as quickly as practical
Counseling - to work through the "why" of turning to food for coping
A support group (or 2) - to work through the "what to do" and taking it one step, ODAAT
My doctor(s) - who agree in principle (although one wishes I wouldn't do this - he's a naturopath) that this is a great idea for me
OH - for the wisdom of people who have gone before me
Exercise - I've been working out 3-4x/week since June 14, and have been making great progress, just not losing weight
Nutritionist - I will work with the one from the hospital near our home, even if I get surgery elsewhere

There's an amazing YouTube video I saw where a woman says into the camera, "Do you still think this is the easy way out?"  I trust that my sister will come to her own understanding of the what & why of my decision someday, and I have no control over that.  I'm grateful that my Dad & Stepmom accepted the news very gracefully and gave me their full support.  

Now I just need to continue to move forward.

Thanks for listening!

Theresa

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