feeling like a failure...

Apr 04, 2012

HELLO OH FAMILY,

IT HAS CERTAINLY BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I POSTED.  A  LOT HAS HAPPENED IN MY LIFE.  MOST OF IT GOOD, SOME NOT SO GOOD.  FIRST AND FOREMOST I HAD A BABY AND NEEDLESS TO SAY HE ALONG WITH MY OTHER CHILDREN HE IS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE.  THEY ARE THE REASON I GET UP IN THE MORNING.  MY HUSBAND OF 12 YEARS IS STILL HANGING IN THERE WITH ME.  I THANK GOD FOR HIM.  HE IS SIMPLY PUT, A AWESOME MAN AND I LOVE MORE AND MORE EVERY DAY.  I NO LONGER WORK AND AM NOW  A STAY HOME WIFE AND MOTHER.  I THINK IT WAS THE BEST DECISION BECAUSE I WAS NOT MENTALLY THERE FOR MY FAMILY.  I WAS RUNNING A HUGE RAT RACE AND MY FAMILY WAS SUFFERING FOR IT. 

SINCE HAVING MY SON I HAVE GAINED A LOT OF WEIGHT AND I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.  I AM SO ASHAMED THAT I HAVENT BEEN TO CHURCH IN TWO YEARS BECAUSE I AM AFRAID OF WHAT THE COMMENTS WILL BE.  I HAVENT GAINED ALL THE WEIGHT I LOST BUT IT'S ENOUGH THAT I DON'T WANT TO BE SEEN.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.  I WATCHED CARNIE WILSON ON THE VIEW TODAY AND SHE TALKED ABOUT HAVING THE LAP OVER BYPASS SURGERY. 

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE SHE IS THE REASON I FINALLY MADE THE DECISION TO GO AHEAD WITH THE SURGERY.  NOW I AM CONSIDERING HAVING THIS PROCEDURE.  PLEASE PRAY FOR ME BECAUSE I SUSPECT THAT GETTING APPROVAL FOR THIS FROM THE INSURANCE CO. WILL BE A UPHILL BATTLE. 

AT THE END OF THE DAY I WANT TO BE HERE FOR MY FAMILY.  THEY NEED ME AND I NEED THEM.  MY HEALTH IS STARTING TO FAIL AGAIN AND I NEED TO GET BACK ON TRACK.  THERE IS STILL TIME FOR ME TO LIVE AN AUTHENTIC LIFE AND NOT BE TRAPPED IN ALL THIS FAT. 

AS ALWAYS, GOD BLESS YOU ALL IN YOUR JOURNEYS.

LOVE TABATHA.

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