TESSIE59

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Without getting into long stories, in addition to my weight issues, I have dealt with panic attacks and depression for most of my life.  My panic attacks turned into agoraphobia.  There was a time when I couldn't go outside of a 7 mile radius.  As I gained more weight, it became easier and easier to just stay home.  When I decided to have gastric bypass, the biggest hurdle I had to overcome was that the surgeon was 30 miles from my house and the hospital was 35 miles away.  As some of you remember I chickened out of my pre op testing because of the distance and the fact that I had to go up 5 floors in an elevator.  I seriously wasn't as nervous about the complications of the surgery was much as I was the panic attacks I was afraid of having being that far out of my comfort zone.  God was so good to me during that time and saw me through everything. 

This last weekend I took my kids on vacation to Virginia.  We were gone from Friday morning until Monday night.  It was incredible.  I have not left New York State in 30 years.  Not only did we go, but because of the weight loss, I was actually able to enjoy myself.  I can't tell you how excited I am about this surgery and how God has used this in my life.

AS YOU KNOW I HAVE BEEN FEELING VERY DISCOURAGED ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT LOSS THAT I HAVE HAD SINCE SURGERY.  I LOST 14 POUNDS THE FIRST WEEK AND NOTHING SINCE.  WELL, SO I THOUGHT.  I FINALLY BROKE DOWN AND CALLED THE DOCTOR TODAY.  THE FIRST THING THEY TOLD ME WAS STOP STEPPING ON THE SCALE.  IT SHOULD BE A TREAT NOT AN EVERYDAY THING.  SECOND IS I AM NOT EATING ENOUGH FOOD AND HAVE PUT MYSELF IN STARVATION MODE.  I AM PRETTY SURE THAT I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANYONE TELL ME I'M NOT EATING ENOUGH.  THEY TOLD ME TO EAT A LITTLE SOMETHING EVERY TWO HOURS TO GET OUT OF STARVATION MODE, AND GO GET WEIGHED AT THE DOCTOR.  WHEN I DID INSTEAD OF ONLY BEING DOWN 14 POUNDS I AM DOWN 26 POUNDS.  I WAS WEIGHED 2 DAYS BEFORE SURGERY. 

I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR EVERYBODY GIVING ME ENCOURAGEMENT AND THE SAME INFORMATION MY DOCTOR TOLD ME TODAY.  I SHOULD HAVE JUST LISTENED TO YOU GUYS AND STOPPED WORRYING.

I AM ONE MONTH OUT.  I AM DOWN TOTAL OF 42 POUNDS BUT THAT BREAKS DOWN AT 27 POUNDS PRE-OP AND 15 POUNDS POST OP.  I HAVE TO SAY THAT I AM DISAPPOINTED AT THE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT THAT I HAVE LOST.  I LOST 14 POUNDS THE FIRST WEEK.  THE DOCTOR SAID THAT I AM RIGHT ON TRACK BUT TIME WILL TELL I GUESS.  IT SEEMS LIKE I HAVE SO FAR TO GO.  WELL I WILL JUST KEEP ON GOING.

WELL I AM 3 WEEKS AND 2 DAYS POST OP.  I AM SO DISCOURAGED I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.  I LOST 14 POUNDS THE FIRST WEEK AFTER MY SURGERY AND HAVE NOT LOST ANYTHING SINCE.  I KEEP GAINING AND LOSING THE SAME 2 POUNDS ALL THE TIME.  I WAS HAVING SOME TROUBLE GOING TO THE BATHROOM, BUT THAT SEEMS TO BE SOMEWHAT RESOLVED.  I KNOW I'M NOT OVEREATING IF ANYTHING I CAN'T POSSIBLE BE EATING MORE THAN LIKE 600 CALORIES A DAY.  I THINK I'M LOSING INCHES BUT NOT FOR SURE.  I NEEDED THIS SURGERY SO BADLY AND IT'S CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO HELP IF I DON'T LOSE ANY WEIGHT. 

I AM HOME FROM SURGERY.  PRAISE GOD.  HE HAS BEEN SO GOOD TO ME.  I AM DOING EVERYTHING I'M SUPPPOSED TO AND I AM DOWN 4 POUNDS ALREADY. 

TODAY I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE MY PRE-OP TESTING FOR MY SURGERY ON THE 18TH.  I CHICKENED OUT.  I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.  I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR THIS TO FINALLY HAPPEN AND I BLEW IT.  I DON'T KNOW IF I WILL BE ABLE TO GET THEM DONE IN TIME FOR MY SURGERY.  WHAT HAPPENS IF I DO AND THEN I CHICKEN OUT THE DAY OF THE SURGERY.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

                         18 MORE DAYS UNTIL SURGERY!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I SPENT YESTERDAY MAKING JUMPERS TO WEAR NOW AND AFTER SURGERY  I MAKE SURE TO PUT TIES ON THEM SO I CAN DECREASE THEM AS I DECREASE.  THEY ARE ALSO EASY TO TAKE IN WHEN NEEDED.  I FIGURE THIS WILL SAVE A LOT OF MONEY ON CLOTHING.   I ALSO GOT TWO NIGHTGOWNS, ONE I'M SAVING FOR THE HOSPITAL.  WENT TO WALMART TODAY AND BOUGHT MORE FABRIC TO FINISH UP.  I WANT TO HAVE IT ALL DONE BY THE TIME I GO IN FOR MY LIFE CHANGING SURGERY.

It's almost 3AM and once again I am not sleeping.  I have lost another 2 pounds pre-op bringing it down to 338.  I am trying to cut down on my portions, drinking more water, and chewing my food a lot more than I ever have.  One person related it to feeling like a goat and I have to say I agree.  I am very excited about the surgery, yet feeling anxious about it also.  I have anxiety and panic attacks and I certainly don't like spending the night in a hospital 35 miles from home.  However, I know that if I don't have this surgery, things for me would begin to start to get worse for me health wise.  I am still committed to changing my life and allowing this wonderful tool to help facilitate that.  I hope that I will be able to look back on these postings and chuckle that I was worried for nothing......lol.

Everyday I come to this forum.  It has been so good.  Everyone here has been so supportive.  As I have allowed myself to get to this weight, over the last year my health has gotten so bad that I am home so much.  It is painful to walk or stand more than 4 minutes now as I have developed osteoarthritis in my spine.  So it has been great getting to know everyone on the forum.  I read the stories of true life-changing things happening and I get so inspired.  I have really done an about face.  Never before did I even consider WLS until the last few months.  God has been so good to me that my weight up to this point has not done damage to any major organs.  I know that if I continue this way, this will not be the case.  I am very committed to this surgery and what needs to be changed in my life for the rest of my life.  I am afraid of one thing.  Is this life-change possible for me?  I don't feel that I have ever succeeded with anything in my life.  I am 47 years old with many regrets.  I am afraid that if I don't succeed at this, there is no hope left for me in my weight loss battle.  Seeing this transformation in real people makes me want it so bad for myself.  I have never lived, I have only survived for my whole life.  I want so much to be healthy.  Am I the only one that has gone through this?

Surgery is set for July 18th at 10:30 am.  I am so excited.