New Year New Me
Jan 09, 2009
It’s been almost 5 months since my surgery and a year since I started seeing the WLS doc, nutritionists, etc. As of this morning’s scale, I have lost 67 pounds.
I made it through the holidays without gaining and in fact lost. I hit another goal of weighing less than my husband, finally, again. Yeah! And, I really think I’m to the point where I don’t need to go in for anymore “fills” with the WLS doc anymore. For right now anyway, I am at my sweet spot. I’m got over my plateau and am losing effectively and consistently, still getting my protein in, but can still take all my meds without a problem. I also am more than half way to my goal which now does not seem as daunting. At least now I only have 45 to 50 pounds to go and not over 100 pounds. Yikes!
It’s been and will continue to be quite a journey. I’ve learned a lot about nutrition, myself and my emotions. Even now as we’ve brought these holidays to a close and my family is going through some trials I have learned that food was not my comfort. It is a source of nutrition.
I have learned that since I have lost 67 pounds, my BMI is finally almost just “overweight” rather than “extremely obese”, “morbidly obese” or even “obese”. As if being tagged obese isn’t bad enough, they have to add extra words in front of it.
I have learned that even losing 67 pounds and having a BMI of exactly 34, I am still considered OBESE. O-Bese and Fat should be dirty words. Just the way O-Bese sounds when you say it is ugly. And people are ugly about it. Not just behind your back; to your face. It’s the one thing left in society that is not “protected” is not “PC” and people are very open and blunt about making rude comments, like it’s their business or okay to make jokes. “Your Mama’s so fat she went to work in high heels and came home in flip flops”. And every one laughs. No matter how much weight I lose. I will still cry on the inside at comments like that and worse.
I have learned that I much as I enjoyed and loved food, it did not and does not love me. Food-fried food, sweet food, high calorie food, high carb processed food does not love my body even as much as my mouth or my mind may have loved it. It made my body sick and unhealthy which in the end made my mind unhappy about me and thus a vicious circle. I still enjoy cooking for loved ones, enjoying meals times and good food. But in a different way now. I cook healthy foods, in a healthy way, in healthy portions. I SMELL the food as I cook, before I eat it when it’s on the plate before me. I set the fork down between each bite and savor what I do have. I savor the company that I am with of loved ones around me.
I have learned that food cannot substitute emotions. Food is more like a toxic friend. Like the commercial that is out right now of the hamburger/snack cakes outside in the yard begging to be let back in but the girl is now in love with the carrots instead. Those goodies are so good at first but it’s so bad when that’s all you have, over and over again. Even as I’ve had to deal with the stress of the holidays, my daughter’s surgery, my mother’s health, family finances and other issues I cannot bury these feelings and emotions with food any more than an addict can with drugs or alcohol.
I have learned to put my trust in God more not in food as I have deal with issues at hand. I need a healthy mind and body to help my family. Food is not going to help that when it destroys my health.
I have learned I need to eat more slowly. Take small bites. Chew Chew Chew. Put the fork down between each bite and just savor. I had a rough month of “sliming” and get stuck. This was mostly due to my own fault of not taking small enough bites and not chewing well enough. I don’t like feeling like a bulimic at meal time. It’s very painful.
I have learned that protein is my friend. Proteins first, veggies and fruits next. Carbs will come in by default. There are so many hidden carbs in our foods today. You don’t have to “try” to get carbs. If you read labels, you will be shocked at what and where you find carbs. Also sodium. Be careful with sodium.
I have learned that people make more comments to you when you’re heavy-“fat” than when you are actually losing the weight. Society is interesting. They do feel obligated to inform you of things when it’s none of their business. But start losing a lot of weight and they just start looking at you all strange. It’s really kind of odd. Is this because they are not sure what to say now that they can’t insult you or is it out of our (my) own self awareness or need?
I have learned that I still have a lot to learn and I’ve always known that. I’ve always felt that life is ever changing, progress. Each and every waking day is a new day to learn something new. The day that you no longer have the desire to learn anything new and grow from those learning experiences and other people is the day you should be ready to die. I’m not ready to die. I have too much to live for. After all, I have a new body to live in.
So live, learn, grow. Have a wonderful New Year.
-Great joy can be experience in living each day rather than dwelling on the past