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Last night I got home from work, turned on the TV and nothing was on so I scanned through the channels and Dr. Phil said he was going to be talking to a woman who had lost 100+ pounds after weight loss surgery...so I cued in and watched it.

It was amazing...it was as though I was sitting there talking to him...I could SOOOO relate to what she was saying. She said she felt she had "lost her identity"...and that's what I have been telling my husband for about 6 months now.

It's sorta like an orange once you've taken off the rind...the rind protects the "inner self" but once it's removed the "inner self" is exposed....and it takes on a new look (this is my analogy here). Vunerability is a definite...not sure of what to expect...and then the separating of the orange segments...and the individuality begins. Each segment of that orange represents something in us...fear of rejection, fear of "what if", who am I, what am I supposed to be doing, where do I go from here, failure, set-backs, etc.

However if we take those segments and turn them over to God, He will take care of them...He has a plan for each of us and His ways are higher than our ways...He loves us and protects us...He IS, He WAS, He ALWAYS WILL BE. We have to trust Him wholly, knowing that whatever we are going through He is our Guide, our Protector and our Father.

I struggle with handing it all over to Him and leaving it there..."Here God, take this...and this...oh, wait a minute I can do that one." I need to learn to leave it at the foot of the cross and rely on God to see me through.

Father, I come to you today, bearing this open flesh, giving it over to you to heal, to guide, to protect. I know that I must rely on You to see me through no matter what. Help me to leave my "stuff" at the foot of the cross and live the life you have set out for me. Show me where You want me to go, how You want me to serve. Give me Your peace that only You can provide. Amen!

I thought I would come on today and update my tracker.  Total is now 97.4 from my heaviest and 75.4 since my surgery.  I am SOOOO close to that 100 pound mark I am dying!    I wanted to be there by my b-day but didn't make it...maybe by the end of the month though!

My future DIL and I joined with a weight loss challenge at our FitZone...only after we talked to the manager about my surgery.  She said since I have plateaued a couple of times she doesn't see any reason that I can't participate...and I am so disgusted with their scales!  It said last week I lost .4 pounds and .2 pounds this week!  According to my scales this morning I lost 3!  They did tell me I can go in the morning and weigh in even though it says not until after 7...so I am gonna start that next week.

I also need to do a change up in my eating and working out schedule.  I have been going on Tuesday/Thursday with my future DIL...and one Saturday.  I am going tonight for cardio only, then Tuesday/Thursday for cardio/circuit.  If we get there on time we are gonna try Zumba...not sure how much of that my knee will take but I am willing to try it!  Need to make a change up and that would be a definite change up!  The whole month of July is booked on Saturdays BUT if I get up and go in at 7 I should be okay!

We have been working four or five days a week at the church on VBS stuff so the gym has become a 2nd priority for the time being.  Hopefully after this week and next 90% of the work will be done and I can back out of that position and start back concentrating on me!

Ya know...I am happy with what I have accomplished and it's okay NOT to meet the goal I had in mind. After all, I have not been RELIGIOUS to myself with working out. That is a key to continued and successful weight loss with bariatric surgery. Granted I have been walking a lot but I need to use the gym three to four days a week. This will get my body into the weight burning mode even more.

So what am I gonna do? Well this week was easy...I changed my work hours for two days and started going to FitZone again. Wednesday I did 15 mins of the treadmill, full curcuit of machines and a cool down of 5 minutes. Today I am going right after work too (hubby works until 4:30 so I have 1 1/2 hours do get 'er done)! I felt ABSOLUTELY MARVELOUS after my workout on Wednesday. I forgot just how good it feels. So that's also an incentative to be TRUE to me and just do it.

What am I going to do in the future? My son's g/f is going to be joining FitZone so we will be going in the evening after we have supper. This will make us both accountable. I am hoping that once we get in the habit the pounds will begin to shed more consistently!

This weekend is busy...tonight we set up for the FPU graduate garage sale, tomorrow is the garage sale and then we have the Borgess Third Annual Bariatric Reunion in Kazoo tomorrow evening. Looking forward to it all: getting in a good workout, filling my emergency fund and seeing some awesome stories of weight loss!

Had my 6 month appointment today with my surgeon.  67.5 down from surgery, 89.5 down from heaviest.  I was so wanting to break that 100 # mark for my b-day which is two weeks, one day from today...looks like I am not gonna make it.  But I look at it this way...I have lost my GRANDSON!  Actually more than him...he tips the scales at 81. 

No more appointments until August (PCP), September (pulmanary dr.), October (surgeon/nutritionist).  Thank goodness!  I am so tired of appointments and burning vacation days for them.  Now I know that I will be able to spend some of them for ME and not for appointments.

Tonight I will be working in the stamp room, sorting through DVD's and pricing for the FPU graduate garage sale.  Hopefully we will rake in some BIG bucks and get our emergency fund funded! 

I did get our taxes done last night...got some $$$ coming back but not as much as I would like.  :(

I am so happy! Today and Friday I will be working 6-3 as my son is laid off. Hubby has to be to work at 6 so my manager said he was fine with me changing my hours for those two days. Tomorrow I have my 6-month follow up with my surgeon so will work until 4:30.

Anyhoo...since hubby is working until 4:30 this gives me a chance to get to the gym twice this week. :) I am SOOOO looking forward to it! It's been probably close to two months since I've been due to our schedules. Glad Crystal is going this weekend to sign up. Then we can go together in the evenings. She said she is going to see if she can change her work hours and if she can I will meet her there after work instead of having to drive back in after dinner.

1. 60 ounces water, 24 ounces coffee, 20 ounces decaf tea
2. 6 hours...not very much
3. 1174
4. Walking at work.

Sun is shining today and I am feeling good! Been busy this morning at work which makes the day go alot faster.

What's for lunch? Ham salad, crackers and cottage cheese.

What's on tap for tonight? Sort through DVDs and books for FPU graduate garage sale this weekend and watch Biggest Loser. Really excited to see Dan from last season!

1. 60 ounces of water
2. 7.5 hrs sleep
3. 1097 calories :(
4. Lots of walking at work. Son's g/f is gonna sign up at the gym this weekend and we will go after supper during the week...leaving the guys to baby sit! ;o)

Hugs to all and have a wonderful day!

Yesterday we had a memorial for my cousin Ricky who would have been 48 in June. It was a time of celebration though.

He was born with Hydrocephalus and his parents were told he would not live to be 6. He had many seizures in his life. He had a gand mal when he was 14. They (the doctors) wanted to put him in a state hospital but instead his family moved in with his grandma and grandpa. My cousin Cheryl was living with them at the time. He was paralysised and was told that he would die. However, he fooled them AGAIN. He regained his strength, started talking and walking again. Granted he had a severe gate but he didn't let that stop him! He had to go through school again and he did graduate! He would try everything he could. He would not be left behind. When we were all caught smoking he was right there with us! LOL Oh, to think of the things he was capable of. His laughter was one that no one could mimic! He found joy in the simpliest of things. He loved life and everyone in it. When I see a handicapped person I can accept them for who they are because of Ricky. He brought a smile on your face and he loved life!

He was placed in a nursing home at the age of 18 or 19 because he had another grand mal and my uncle was just unable to care for him. However not a night went by when Uncle Jerry didn't visit him. He took him on road trips, out to eat (his fav a sandwich and onion rings). He earned an award in bowling. Like I said, he loved life and lived it to the fullest!

So now he has a new body...and he is probably running and laughing, sitting at the feet of our Jesus. And I can still hear his laughter! Thank you God for granting us having Ricky in our lives, for showing us that the simpliest things are joyful and how just to laugh at life.

The pastor compared to death and rebirth in a new home (heaven) as to a baby in the womb. We were created in our mother's womb and that's all we knew. When the birthing process started what does a baby think? Are they scared of what is coming? They are in that warm and secure place and then thrust into another world that is so foreign to them. That is the same with death. We know this life and become comfortable in it when we were created for more. This place is like a womb, a place of preparation and growth. Our true home is Heaven with the Father and His Son. Are you prepared for your new home?

Today is a good day. I am feeling great and confident! That is so hard to believe with the way I have felt for years. I am a VERY visual person and in my mind I am still that 300+ gal!

However, when I look at the pictures we took last night I can see the "thinner" me coming to the surface. The changes are amazing!

Am I glad I did it? You bet! Did I HAVE regrets? You bet! When I was so sick a month out with flu and sinusitis my depression got the best of me. I cried and fretted and stewed. I told my DH that I think I had made the wrong choice. I know that it was because of not feeling good and the struggle to even eat or drink on a daily basis that was making me feel so bad.

God healed me of my sickness. He has touched my life in so many ways this past six months. I feel renewed and alive...and it's because of Him! What an awesome God we serve. He takes the sick and heals them. He holds the depressed and oppressed close in His arms, giving them the strength to go on. Today I give Him all the praise and glory!
 

It was 6 months ago today that I began my new life. I think of the trials and triumphs over those six months: from flu and illness to feeling great!


As of this morning I am down 87.4 from my heaviest, 65.4 since the surgery and 46". Today I am wearing a 1X outfit that a friend gave me. That's awesome considering six months ago I was wearing 4-5X. I know this outfit is made of cotton and has some give but the legs are a little baggie which makes me feel great!


I am amazed at the energy that I have now. I have been on a cleaning spritz for almost a week now. Oh, there is so much more to do but every day it's becoming clearer and cleaner. :) We are also getting ready for an FPU graduate garage sale on the 17th of this month....all the more reason to clean, clean, clean!


So what have I learned?

That bariatric surgery is NOT a WAY OUT. It's a tool that has to be used properly.

That a "skinny" me is lurking in the background that is slowly coming out and with that is a whole new attitude toward life.

It's okay to fail...just as long as you get up, brush yourself off and keep on keeping on.

No one is perfect, no one is the same. Everyone loses at a different rate. I cannot EXPECT what this person did and that person did. I can expect what I am doing...making sure I am doing the RIGHT things, eating the RIGHT things and just being me!

I am who God made me to be and I am becoming who God has graced/blessed me to be. The depression is lessening every day and my mood is becoming like the sunshine, rays beaming. I love my God...I love who He made me to be...I love that He made me wonderfully and beautifully....I love that He has always knoe me...I love that He supports me....I love that He healed me! Thank you God for all You have done and for all You are going to do in me and through me!

I hit my first plateau since my surgery and feeling down and out.  I lost 54#s since my surgery and have been stagnet at 260-262 for three weeks!  Yikes!  Time to examine my food and my exercising and get something new going. 

I have noticed I been doing a lot of carbs.  Not a good thing.  Need to move away from that and start taking in the good carbs...fruits and veggies!

I also have not been faithful about the gym thing.  Need to work it into my scheudle and just do it.  Even if I have to come back into town in the evening! JUST DO IT!