TheHelly

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Well... As of today I'm down to 353.  That's like 30 less then when I started the Atkins Diet before I met Lee.  Of course I didn't have Lymphedema then... but oh well.

 

It amazes me how fast I can walk now.  I don't use the cane anymore.  I still struggle with stairs a bit but it's MUCH better. We are still sleeping downstairs but I really want to try sleeping upstairs.  It needs to be cleaned though. So we'll wait for that.  I'm gonna update my photo today on here.  

I wish I would've taken pics every month along the way.  But then I dont' really want to remember what I looked like.  It's very scary and sad.

That's about it.  My blood levels are all ok.  I have another appt this month.  

 

Well it's been 4 months and I feel great.  I'm down 86lbs. I'm moving around easier, but still find myself tired. I'm sure that will change once I get active.  Summer is coming and I'll be in my pool doing aerobics or even just running in place.

At my 3 months follow up with Dr. Pohl he said the only level that was low was B-12. Which is okay with me since I haven't really been taking the vitamins like I should.  I guess I've been eating enough things with calcium to keep my level ok.  I've been eating a lot of protein bars... they have lots of vitamins and minerals in them too so... they are a staple in my diet.

To day I can eat without hardly any issues... Shrimp, Cheese, hamburg, pasta (in sm amounts), yogurt, jellow, sf puddings, protein shakes and protein bars.  Chicken I struggle with unless it is extremely moist and I cut it up very small.  I'll be eating lost of fish this summer, I think.

I feel good overall. I have myself on a regimen of stool softeners and Senokot to keep things moving along so I don't have pain.  It seems to be really working well for me.  

I'm happy to say I haven't had any complications.  I know there's always a chance down the road but I'm seeing Dr. Pohl every 3 months and he's only a call away if something happens.

I also started counseling. Her name is Lisa Sparks and she's a social worker.  She's in North Smithfield.  I've seen her twice so far.  Last visit we did the geonagram.  Pretty much everything came out during that.  I wanted it to come out early cuz I really think that my eating habits began after fuckhead molested me.  Seems like I gained a massive amount of weight in a year or so.  I'm dealing with feelings of anger towards my parents for not protecting me.  I'm dealing with intimacy issues which affect my marriage.  Thankfully my DH doesn't have a high libido.  That could cause problems. But at this point he's okay.  He knows about fuckhead and what he did and how it's affected me.  I love my husband more than life.  He the most wonderful, loving, understanding and empathetic person I know.  Towards me he is.  

Well that's it for now.  I'm really rather tired.  I'm gonna get a popsicle and go lay down.  :)

Well I had my surgery on December 11, 2012.

It couldn't possibly have gone any better than it did.  Dr. Pohl was pleased as well as a bit surprised.  I was surprised too but super happy.  I didn't experience any pain which was really weird.  I only experienced discomfort from the gas.  The tube was still up my nose when I woke up... and I wasn't too happy about that but they took it out quickly and as soon as they figured out I was having a hard time breathing and that I wanted my inhaler... things got really great really fast.

I was sent home on Thursday.  Two days after having major surgery.  I'm scheduled for a follow up on January 3rd.  That's nearly 3 weeks after surgery.  I feel amazing. I'm getting used to the pouch.  Learning how much I can drink and how fast. And what!  Water isn't a great option for me but neither is Crystal Light, which I really enjoyed before.  I like hot tea though... that might just be a adjusting thing though.  I need more hot chocolate from Dr. Pohl's office.  If I feel up to it I might take a ride there tomorrow and pick some up.  

Lee's been awesome.  He's been an angel.  He truly loves me... there's no mistake about that.  He was pushing the fluids the first day though and I had to make him understand that I'm still getting used to it and I felt like I was going to pop if I drank another sip... he backed off.  I'm drinking enough I think.  I'm sipping all day... and the shakes count as liquid.  I'm going to do really well.

I gained 10lbs in the hospital... and weighed myself yesterday.  I had lost the 10 and this morning another 3... and then this after noon... ANOTHER 3!!!  CRAZY!!  I'm going to lose really fast.

I have to go post another review about Dr. Pohl.  He is an amazing Dr. with mad surgeon skills.  The fact that I didn't even experience any pain whatsoever?  Come on... I had even questioned if he had done anything to me at all.  That's what kind of pain I was in.  Nada... Zip... Zilch.

That's it for now.

 

Here's the link to that article.

http://www.medpagetoday.com/Endocrinology/Obesity/32986

 

I

There's this other group I belong to.  It's part of Daily Strength but there's a group on Facebook that a bunch of people from the weight loss surgery support group on daily strength put together.  Anyway... I'm not sure how I found it but I guess the computer remembers what you click on and stuff and then puts up ads or other related articles you may be interested in.  ANYWAY...... I found this article about a Dr. in Boston that did a study on people with Lymphedema.  I was always taught that Lymphedema was not a direct cause of obesity.  Being obesity certainly doesn't help but it's not like a co-morbidity of obesity.  It was believed to be something that happened after surgery to an area or some kind of injury.  

Basically in a nutshell I learned that the study proved that significant weightloss, ie... from gastric bypass, could help my Lymphedema tremendously!  That it may even reverse the condition!!  

I'm going to find the link and paste it in here.  I don't think I'm making any sense because it's 3am and I'm now just knackered, as my husband would say.

I'll find it and paste it tomorrow... just so I can have a record of it somewhere.  I got my Sarah to confirm it and she said it was true and she would know.  Miss her.

 I'm stumbling.  I'm not backing out at all but I really need to focus on keeping to the shakes during the day and a SMALL meal at night. I'm still eating more than I should at night.  I'm eating until I'm stuffed.  Must stop doing that.  I'm only hurting myself.  I'd be just as happy with half of what I'm eating.

Lee's slipping into his depression again.  I'm really kind of pissed that he puts it on me.  He thinks/says that once we start doing more things he won't be as depressed.  And maybe that's true... but I don't think it's fair that he should put it on me.  I know he's not doing it to be mean... he just needs to be able to have an answer to why he feels the way he does.  Depression is a clinical thing... He's the one that has to get up and do something.  I can't make him do it.  What's going to change when I lose 200lbs?  I'll be more active but is that magically going to make him more active too? I don't know.  His family is coming next year... I'm actually looking forward to seeing them.  Show off my new bod... lol

Have to get ready for work.  The pants I've been wearing... are starting to get too big... but I don't know if the other ones I have will suffice.  The reason I've been wearing these velour ones is because they are the only ones that stay down because of my Lymph legs. Maybe I'll try a new pair today... I have dropped 60lbs.  

Later Journal. 

Dr. Pohl's office called me today and told me I have dates scheduled!!

My pre-surgical testing date is Nov 27th and my surgery date is Dec 11th.

Wow!  It's finally here.  I can't hardly believe it.  It's been such a long road.  After I got off the phone I know it was all in my head but I was so hungry!!!  I had two hot chocolates and a healthy choice lunch meal.  After a couple of hours I caved and had some cucumbers and tomatoes with italian dressing.  Then I had another hot chocolate.  When I say hot chocolate I mean the high protein low carb chocolates I got from Dr. Pohl's office.  They are really really good.  Especially this time of year.  It's pretty cold in the house and a nice tasty hot chocolate really does the trick.  Tasty.  Yum.

So I have a month...and I'm going to really try and stay on track as much as I can. I think I can lose another 20lbs.  I've lost a total of 60 since I saw him the first time in 2010.  It's literally been 2 years.  I'm going to call Dr. Diane's office tomorrow and let her know when my date is. 

Just wanted to jot this down.  I also did another review for Dr. Pohl.  I love him.  He's the best. I thank God for showing my way to him. I swear the universe is in line.  It's my time.... my time to shine.  This time next year 200lbs will be gone. I'll be under 300lbs.  Or more.  The more you weigh... the faster you lose. I want to get down to like 200 or 180.  I'll be happy with that.

Not exactly starting again but I always seem to fall back when I see myself make a bit of progress.  Yesterday I weighed in and had documented an 8lb loss since my doctor's appointment on the 10/11/12.  In my silly head that gives me the thumbs up to go ahead and have a few extra snacks.  This morning just for giggles I stepped on the scale and it wasn't funny. Up 3lbs... I think that's what it was.  I know that it was probably just water retention from the chips (flax seed veggie tortilla and a few goldfish). I also allowed myself a couple of protein bars @ 230cal a piece. There are certain things that I just shouldn't allow myself to have in the house and those protein bars are one of them.  Nuts are another and I KNOW THIS!!! I didn't have any nuts yesterday or today I'm just making a statement.  I looked at the nut section at Trader Joes and thought for a second about getting a bag of sunflower seeds and then I just shook it right out of my head.  They are a stumbling block for me so I didn't buy them.  Today I started out with the last 2 protein bars and I had a hot chocolate protein drink at lunch.  I didn't have anything else until 3:30pm and I ate 2 rolo's and 2 lifesavers.  I didn't have my blender bottles for the shake so I blew today too.  Tomorrow I'm bringing back my blender bottle. I have to be good for the rest of this week... Saturday is my splurge day as Kim is making Thanksgiving dinner since I won't be able to eat next month. I'm going to eat on Saturday.  I'm making it my last meal... and it's going to be delicious!!!  Maybe I'll try and make popovers Saturday morning.  I have flour and milk and eggs. I think that's all I need.

I felt guilty for not including my slips in my blog earlier.  I have to own up to my downfalls just as much as I celebrate my progress.  As my mom used to tell me.... the only one I'm cheating is myself.  I remember that from the summer of 78?  I'm pretty sure it was 78 or 79.  Anyway... I just have to remember that sugar makes me want more sugar.  Protein doesn't make me want more protein.  Protein is my friend and sugar is NOT!!!

That's a saying from England.  From the war.  I guess it was televised and posted everywhere when Lee was growing up.  Now it's just like a saying from here... like... "Sometimes you feel like a nut... sometimes you don't"

I had my appointment with Dr. Pohl on 10/11/12.  I weighed in exactly at my 50lb goal weight mark.  I was worried about that but it's ok.. we are moving forward.  He answered my questions and in hindsight I probably should have asked more but I've done a lot of research and I'm ready.  Lee came with me.  I think I'm going to have to send him some information on what my life is going to be like after this surgery.  He was sitting right there with me when the doctor told me he wants me to stay on the shake diet with a small meal at night and on the weekends Lee is asking me if I want to go out for breakfast.  I have to constantly remind him that I can't eat like I used to.  I mean... at some point, yes, I'll be able to go out for breakfast but It won't be until the spring probably and right now I should be focusing on losing as much as I can so my liver isn't fatty when he operates.

I met this awesome girl online.  Her name is Noel.  She had the sleeve done two years ago and has lost 212 lbs.  She looks amazing. She told me that I'll be losing weight so fast that my mind won't be able to keep up with my body and will definitely need counseling.  I reassured her that I work at a therapy office and get all the therapy I need.  So... this is it!

After all I've been through.  A young girl molested.  Taken advantage of.  Parents worked all the time... never knew what was happening. I didn't know it was wrong.  By the time I learned it was he was gone.  Moved away.  Still deleveloped all these bad eating habits.  Self esteem tanked.  High School sucked.  Then after high school... ugghhhhhh!  I can't think of a time I ever really liked myself except when I started talking to people online. David... real but not real.  Steve... a great friend and confidant.  Kees... will always hold a special place in my heart and I will never forget him.  And then came Lee.  I don't know what it was about Lee but he was always more real than anyone else.  It wasn't because we talked on the phone, cuz I talked to Steve and David...AND Kees!  But Lee... was different.  I don't know why but he was.  

Now it's 13 years later.  I'm married, a homeowner... we have 2 kitties.  He loves me like I've never been loved by anyone in the world.  He taught me what love is. I weighed 300lbs when I met him.  At my heaviest I was probably 550.  He never ever once said anything to me about my weight.  It's like he doesn't see it.  

He's happy that I'm having this surgery.  Mainly I think he's looking forward to doing more things together because  we've been pretty much confined to the inside of my house.  I have issues with being seen the way I am as well as mobility issues and I know when I lose weight I'll have more self confidence and more energery and more mobility.  I'm an energetic person by nature.  In my head I want to do all these things and jump and dance and move but my body stops me.  I honestly believe that will all change once I lose weight.  He just has to learn how to undo the automatic eating pattern. We learned it.... we can unlearn it.

I'm closing for now.  Except I'll end with this.  Today I weighed 477.  55lbs lost from the first day I walked into Dr. Phols office in Oct of 2010.  

I forgot to mention an update on Courtney.
I mentioned that boy she'd been dating... Turns out he really actually has been abusing her.  He tried killing her a few weeks ago. Long story short... there are Felony DV charges against him and a NCO.  She is doing okay now but it was a bad first couple of weeks.  She started therapy with Missy in my office. She's closing off the circle of his friends. She's actually dating this really nice guy who she's been friends with for a while now.  He'll be a nice distraction for her.  Ian is/was an addiction... she needs to stay away from him and everyone and everything that has anything to do with him.

I guess that's it for now.