theJigglyDiariesRNY

ANXIETY BINGING & SELF LOATHING! : (

Nov 26, 2011

 Well this whole process has been a little more difficult that i expected, i will say that. I thought i would just have my evaluations, see a therapist a couple times get my blood work and surgery approved and be sliced and diced and thats all. OH MAMA NOOOO that wasnt how it is at all. when you get your surgery date it dawns on you; this is it. goodbye comfort food, goodbye anxiety food, breakup food, depression food, i could go on, we ALL run to foo for something besides hunger/survival. I thought i wasnt like those people - 'Emotional eaters' i thought, are these people for real, we're fat cause we love food and while that is part of it, there so much more. I can't believe i even said it a loud.

 Ever since my surgery date was cancelled i've been fighting every single day to keep up with the pre op diet. i know the diet is for our benefit and to reduce the chance of liver damage and even with all this, i continue to have a cheat here and there and thats a good day! the last week i have been on a up and down binge fest. all carbs. potato salad, baked ham,macaroni cheese bread bread and more bread. I HATE IT! not havin money to but some veggies/greens isnt helping either. i wish i was stronger but i can't change my 24 year bad habits. i feel so down, i feel like no one besides some folks on this site can understand. i haate the whole self pitying thing ugh. my surgery date is around the corner *4 days* and im scared i havent lost the sufficient weight. i feel like when i weigh in for surgery day and they see my lack of progress, they will judge me. i will judge me.  i can't wait for this whole process to be over and done with. 

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