Onward and Downward

Optifast-induced agoraphobia?

Oct 21, 2012

According to Wikipedia, agoraphobia "is an anxiety disorder characterized by anxiety in situations where the sufferer perceives the environment as being difficult to escape or get help. These situations include, but are not limited to, wide-open spaces, as well as uncontrollable social situations such as may be met in shopping malls, airports, and on bridges."

I know there are lots of people who have serious anxiety disorders, and I don't actually have agoraphobia, or any other anxiety disorder.  And I'm not making light of those who do.  But this weekend, my first weekend of Optifast, I've noticed that I'm kind of afraid to leave the house.  I want to leave the house, I want to go and do something.  Yesterday I did go to my physiotherapist without any problem.

But I was nervous doing that, because I knew that I'd had my breakfast Optifast shake at about 7:30 a.m., my appointment was at 9:30, and I knew I'd probably be feeling hungry by then and want a snack, but that I wouldn't be home until around 11ish, which is just before lunch time.  I was really scared at the thought of being in a situation where I couldn't control what food would be at hand.  And nothing that I've been eating as snacks is easily transported, and needs either refrigeration or a microwave to heat it up!

I got hold of myself and just had some Jello before I left - it wasn't a hard problem to solve.  And of course I survived it just fine.  But it was a very real fear.  It kept me inside the rest of the day yesterday (along with the rain).  Well, that and I napped yesterday afternoon because it's hard to have a lot of energy on 900 calories a day!

And now I'm feeling it this morning.  My physiotherapist asked me what my plans were for the weekend, and I told her I wasn't sure - probably sticking close to home on my first weekend of Optifast, because I don't want to be anywhere that I'm going to be tempted by food I can't have, or not have my calorie-free snacks close by in case I get hungry between shakes.  She said, "Hey, you could always go to the movies!"  We looked at each other for a split second after she said that and we both started laughing, realizing at the same time that there was no way I'd survive the buttery popcorn smells for three hours at a movie theatre!

Today, I'm going to ask hubby to go for a walk with me to a cafe that's near TEGH (it's about a 10-15 minute walk from our place, at my pace).  I'll have a tea with sweetener there, chat with him for a while there, and then turn around and go back home.  It'll be a bit of exercise, we'll enjoy the lovely sunshine, and I'll beat this fear of losing control if I leave the house.

Fifth day today - only 16 days to go after this!

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