1 Year Anniversary, how should I feel??

Feb 18, 2011

Today is my 1 year surgiversary.  I remember this day like it was yesterday.  Up early @ 5am.  Arriving at the hospital @ 9am surrounded by my mom, grandmother and sister. Excited, not scared or nervous - wanting to get this thing over with (hated the waiting time between checking in and prepping for surgery).  I walked in to Memorial Hospital that morning weighing 308lbs. not knowing what to expect....

Fast forward 1 year exactly and I'm 172lbs (down 136). I lost a person.  I woke up this morning and felt like something was missing.  Why wasn't I excited for where I've started to where I am now?  It's not that I'm sad or disappointed that I'm not where I'd expected to be at 1 year out or that gone is the firmness of my breasts, thighs arms and stomach.  I just don't feel anything. 

My mother called me this morning, excited and practically singing into the phone about how "proud she is to have me as a daughter" and that I've done an amazing job, look good and every other affirmation that you can think of.  And when she asked me how do I feel, I couldn't give an answer because there wasn't one that would fit.