Sara R.

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I am working hard but i can never seem to stay on plan for more than 3 days, sometimes up to a week but when i am home on the weekends, i am having one seriously hard time. It was like this early on right after surgery and even before. I need to continue to try new things to combat this issue. One other issue ive been trying to figure out is why i am burpins so much. waaay more than originally. Im also feeling like there is a lump in my esophagus when i eat yogurt or gulp water. a surgeon from the same office i went for surgery said i likely have a hiatal hernia again :( big boohoo!!! But the burping is getting sooo bad i dont even want to eat. While out with my mom the other day i noticed when she got heartburn she would burp. SO i thought, i should try taking my omeprazole and see if that takes away some of the symptoms. I have never had the pain from heartburn except for very rare occasions. Ill check back in a couple weeks or months to see if it helps with the burping and decreasing my appetite.

On an activity note, I am using my fit bit and working very hard to get 8k steps on my days off and 10k+ on my work days. This is not too hard if i exercise. I am trying to incorporate some at home strength training like squats, planks 5lb dumbell arm exercises. I finally got over my fear of the weight machines at this new gym (ive used them at my old gym but not familiar with the different style or like being around all the teeny boppers playing nearby). I did not consistently go to the gym for the last 2 weeks. I have stayed around 212 for 2 weeks. A coworker sell Advocare, and i love their spark, so this last order i picked up some stuff to do the 24 day challange. im really excited for this :) i am going to start next week so i can use up some of the stuff i have made at home first. i will do what i should have done before surgery, measure and take pictures and keep track on my inspiration board. im not sure why i didnt do this for surgery. i think i was worried i would fail or that i would never forget how big i actually was. Well, i forgot. and i wish i would have those big number differences to easily compare. I cant wait to get to goal for 2014. I have to make some headway soon because before i know it... it will be december and i will only have maintained :( another big fear! i need to keep positive thoughts in the forefront of my mind and stop worrying and letting fear get in the way!! I need to stay consistent, determined, mindful and positive.

I have been gone for sooo long. I felt like i was on top of the world for the first year. I could eat whatever i wanted and still lost weight. i didnt have to exercise unless i wanted to. after i hit my 1 year anniversary in 12/2012 i basically went back to my old habits, not on purpose but i think i got tired. i still thought i could do whatever i wanted and still get results. well... not the case at all. i ended 2012  at 194lbs. i ended 2013 at 210lbs (not bad according to my nutritionist for weight regain). As i try over and over again to get back on the wagon i have gained another 8 pounds (although i dont know how much of that is menstrual bloating). in any case, i did not honor my sleeve or myself by sticking with the program. I cheated throughout my entire first year. i have alot of regret with my choices, my negligence, my cockiness. It has been hard to forgive myself, again, for gaining weight again. I still have this resolve in my head that 2014 will be the year i meet my goal of 170. Right now i am fighting to get back to my lowest post op weight of 194, I am hoping by 3/31/14, thats 9.5 weeks. Itll take a strict consistent regimen with food, water and exercise. I have started the couch to 10k program, i am on week 2 day 2 as of Wednesday. It is hard not to get so discouraged and depressed that this is happening all over again. I am trying to remind myself that i am not the victim. food is not doing this to me. I can make the choice to stick with the program. i can make the choice to put me first and it WILL work for me. Itll be a lot slower than it was during the honey moon year. It wont come off if i cheat. but the extra pounds will come off. I so wish i would have done better through my first year and experienced the excitement of reaching GOAL! of meeting a goal for once in my life. I am trying so hard not to become miserable, not to throw a pity party every day, it is hard but i continue to work at it. I came back to OH so that i could be more accountable. I hoped that i would be reminded by an outside party of what i needed to do, because we all know what we have to do but our brain tries to trick us. I definitely think my set weight is 220. once i got back to 210 it was so easy to gain the last 8 pounds. it was like my body rejoiced while my mind perished. I want to reset my set weight to 170. Its supposed to be difficult, its supposed to take a severe calorie deficit and daily intense exercise. I am so nervous to have an injury, because i know i cannot mentally work through injuries that i half ass it or push myself 3 days a week instead of 5-7 days. In the back of my head i wonder if its even possible to get down to 170. But i see people do it all the time without surgery. So it can be done. I can do it. I feel lame sometimes because i am doing things i should have done during the first year but i didnt. Like, I got a fitbit zip and workout clothes and im changing out meals with protein shakes. I finally learned to cook and can make some pretty delicious meat and veggie meals with no rice, potato or pasta. I like plain water or water with a slice of lemon, no more Mio or crystal light to choke down water. I feel like i have a good chance of hitting goal, i just have to remember that every decision counts. I have to forgive myself for not following plan very well the first year. I will try to post a few pics of me now. my face is not too much bigger and i can still see my collarbones. the biggest difference is my butt and hips, abdomen and back is where all the fat went. which is a huge indicator that i havent just been eating too much, i have been eating too much JUNK!!! :( :( :(

 

Anyways, Cheers to 2014 and a fantastic, exciting, goal meeting 3rd year.

To stay extra accountable, besides just writing out all the mistakes i made and that i will be working harder this year, i have an open fitbit account, so if you do also, friend me, im not exactly sure how to do that or what my user name is though, so message me here. Also check out myfitnesspal, user name tigergem86, where i have an open journal and have been trying to track consistently for 4 weeks now.

What i am doing:

Drinking 16 glasses of water per day

Meeting 8-10,000+ steps per day, & 3-5 miles per my fitbit zip

      In addition to 30 minutes of intense cardio 3days minimum per week. (id like to incorporate strength training but havent yet).

Eat protein first, veggie second

Eat 1000 +/- 100 Calories per day.

100 or less Carbs per day

 

Hi All

I am officially 50 lbs down from my weight at my last nutrition visit. it feels good to see this number, like a small achievement. And it was. Every pound was difficult to lose. I will drop 3 lbs then up 2 then down 1 and up 2 and down 1 and so on and so on. eventually, over the course of 2 weeks ill lose a total of 5 lbs and go down from there. But man its frustrating. I know stalls happen and the scale will go up and down but geez its frustrating and sometimes defeating to see that number up, especially if you think that the previous day went well. no matter how frustrating it is i am so happy to be down 50 lbs. it reminds me that i will never be out of the clear. its easy to gain it all back and i will forever have to pay attention to what i eat and how much activity i am doing.

I have cleared out my entire closet. All i have left are some xl tshirts and shorts and tanks that i wore 3 years ago. for some reason i hung on to them, before surgery i never thought i would get back in to them regardless of 'trying'. I am happy to announce that the shorts i wore to Las Vegas 3 years ago now fit and are loose! I like to wear shorts now. sooo crazy! I am enjoying carnivals and fairs and being out and about. i flake on my friends less and dont get anxiety when invited to social events.

Eating. The big topic. I can eat about 800 calories per day and be satisfied. I always have to remind myself to drink water and eat protein first. I struggle with cleaning my plate and even though i have significantly decreased the size of my portions i still can eat too much. or get full (not bursting), pause for 10 minutes and eat again. basically eating a second helping. weight loss was slow and stalled more than it is now and very frustrating. I have since recognized the issue and stopped it, for the most part. in month 3 i was struggling with giving in to habits and letting them control me. On Easter i put my foot down and decided to not give in to habits and let them drag me down. The surgery gave me power and i have to preserve that power. In general i have alot of control over my life, as a single mom i have to be. But this area, eating, is such a weak area. I continue to practice control and learn more about myself, triggers and better answers to deal with the triggers.

I starting doing the C25K but was unable to complete it. I injured my foot, i tried to keep working through it and was able to keep going but my energy level was going down, down, down. to the point where i could not make it through a single day. I would sleep for 12 hrs and need more. It was really awful. So i stopped exercising until i lost more weight. Which is today. Today marks the day that i return to the gym. I will be riding the recumbant bike 30 minutes per day and work my way up. Depending on how i tolerate the increase of activity i will hopefull do bike and walking for 60  minutes per day but i need to take it slow because my energy level is fragile. I do need to be more active and want to start doing Callanetics. its a mix of yoga and pilates that completely reshapes your body. I just need a vcr and im good to go.

I cannot wait to go shopping. Sometimes i go to the store and see something that i totally love and want but then remember it wont fit next year. its so hard to pass up cute clothes.

Check out my current pics that i just uploaded :) at first i couldnt see the difference, just feel it in my clothes (even my new clothes) but seeing it online here instead of just on my phone i can really see the difference. i look alot less bloated and possibly happier :) 

Go Sleeve Go

Today marks 2 months post sleeve. I have lost 30 lbs exactly. A little bit slower than i expected but better than the typical 0lb loss. I also have been going up and down the last two weeks, struggling with the same two pounds. Last week i started back at the gym, the gym is 40 minutes from my house so i was seriously procrastinating and making excuses about going back but its free for me through my dad. I even tried to make a gym in my garage and then my spare room and then the living room but even having it stare me in the face i was making excuses. So the gym it is. I started the couch to 5k program, today is the start of week 2. Boy was i sore last week. I really enjoy running and the rush it gives during and after the session but my hips were killing me. i was walking around like an old lady with hip replacement lol.

My clothes are getting pretty baggy. My waistline is starting to show itself again and my two pairs of jeans are almost too baggy to wear. I am to stubborn to buy new clothes though. and maybe even a little scared too. i dont want to go try new clothes and be disappointed that im only 1 size down. So i am going to wait another month to go shopping and pray i am down to an 18 or 16 so i can shop Old Navy! :) No more Lane Bryant! yee haw.

Eating is a struggle. Some days i want to say effe it. I dont even want to eat. Its almost overwhelming sometimes. I dont want to be on a diet. I dont want to feel deprived. For the most part i eat what i want and its not junk but its also not low carb. This probably is a major partner in the slow weight loss. Eating out is hard also. Why are portions so big? Even if i cut it in half and save a good portion of it i still cannot eat very much of it. Im at about 1/2 cup size portions still. My son can eat more than me.  My boyfriend is always wondering if i dont like the food. I could probably a slightly larger portion if i ate slower maybe??? That is also very difficult, eating slow. im hungry, i want to eat but then after 2 bites im full. its a little irritating. Its much more difficult than i anticipated it to be. I have not been able to take my multivitamins, every time i try they make me vomit. vit b12 and iron i am a little more regular with. I get about 48-64 ounces of water each day and about 40-50 gms protein each day. i dont deliberatly track the other numbers except i regularly see about 700 cals per day.

i am losing my hair, its pretty slow but more noticable than before. My skin is incredibly dry also. I was never a lotion person, not even on my face. But now i am a lotion carrier and put it on regularly everywhere on my body. and sometimes i still have dry scaly skin on my legs. I also have a scratch on my leg that is not healing and i think it has to do with the dry skin. I am cold all the time. I used to sweat like a maniac just walking up and down the hall at work but now i have to wear a sweater. I went hiking sunday and did a very difficult trail up here in washington. it was a pretty cold day, i was wearing 3 coats. i started sweating after 1 hour of intense physical activity. Sooo unusual for me. I dont know if i could attribute this new fact to the 30 lb weight loss or to a slow metabolism or even to dehydration?

I still deal with a fair amount of head hunger. Last night i dreamt of ruffles and french onion dip. When i get stressed out i tend to turn straight to food or think of it at least. sometimes i am able to work through it. I also have the best boyfriend, i can talk to him about anything. its great. i want to read the book 50 ways to soothe yourself without food. i think that will help me alot. An unusual book that has helped me is Dont Sweat the small stuff in love. Alot of the tips can be used in everyday life as well.  In May i am hoping to start back at the counselors to help work through the residual issues.

In 3 weeks i am going to learn to ski. Something i have never done before in my life, mostly due to my weight and fear of breaking something or being able to find the right clothes to wear. I am very excited to be breaking out of my own restrictions.

Overall i have made really good progress after surgery and have goals to make bigger changes in my life. Eventhough the weight loss is slower than i was expecting i am still happy i chose surgery and im sure each month i will have more and more victories to tell everyone. I have also uploaded some recent pictures. maybe ya'll can see the difference but i cannot see the difference yet. sometimes i can in my clothes but not in my face.

I am much more chipper when i am online here.

Today is my first day back at work and i am so happy. I had to admit that the last month has been on and off difficult. I went through all the grieving stages in the last 4.5 weeks. Wednesday will be 5 weeks post op and i cant wait to weigh in. As of 1/25/12 i was down 19.6lbs. Most of that was lost in the first two weeks, 17.8lbs. and the last 2 wks i lost 1.8lbs due to all the experimentation i did. I ate desserts, breads, chips, soda... anything i could eat i tried. Not all of it sat well and i did some throwing up.

Some items that dont like me....  White bread - stomach upset. Goldfish crackers - stomach upset. Cheez-its - stomach upset. Chips - cause headaches. Soda - im a fart machine. Desserts - have to be extremely limited or it makes me dizzy and nauseated.

I have started walking 30 minutes daily and doing Callanetics. Its a mix of pilates and yoga from the 80's and works miracles. Tightens and tones your muscles and is extremely low impact. You still sweat and feel it the next day.

I have made it almost an entire work day without falling asleep or getting a slump in my energy. I ate my protein first and have not snacked on junk. and i have sipped water all day. I am happy to be back at work. Tomorrow i will be crazy busy with my physician so i am going to have a timer on my desk to help keep me on track. So far my body has given me the proper cues. I start to wonder off in my concentration and feel a little twinge of hunger, i glance at the clock and its been two hours since my last meal/snack.

What i have gained from this procedure so far.... hunger and full cues. ive lost 19.6lbs and fit back into my fat clothes comfortably. (i never bought fat, fat clothes). an appreciation for water. an ability to listen to my body, every single part (i never listened before, i just ate). i found my smile.

I hope to gain more and more as i go through this journey.

My coworkers have noticed i am happier. I dont look dull or sick. my face is slimmer and i am taller ( i tried to tell them its the shoes but they didnt believe me).

I am still me though. that i didnt lose. But one thing i plan to do is identify the things i dont like about myself. like being socially claustrophobic. and change it! not hide behind the fat, or some excuse.

I am still human though. Since only losing 1.8 lbs in the last two weeks i felt like a failure. I was so distraught that i didnt follow the program right and ill be the only one to not lose. but then remembered... its only been 1 month. 1 month!!! and ive lost 20 pounds. My nutritionist reminded me that the glycogen is back in the liver now and that will attribute to low numbers. I decided to take charge. I have lots of low carb, protein choices. Exercise plans. and a better outlook. Just because i had weight loss surgery does not mean i can eat whatever i want. i have to pay attention and make better food choices. Its just a tool. i have to use the tool the right way. i will check in 2/22/12 on my two month progress :)

some nsv's... My belt fits again (wasnt able to use it for the last 2-3 yrs). My scrubs are loose and my dansko's fit (no more baked bread feet or adjusting scrubs to cover fat rolls hanging out). and im in a very tight 1X shirt (the 3x shirts were way too loose for comfort and no 2x's).

I hope all my friends are doing well and seeing better numbers than i am! :) Happy Losing

Sara

What a week! I am so glad that i have 6 weeks off work to take care of myself. there is no way i would be close to capable of taking care of all my needs if i was planning on going back to work next wednesday. Even at home i am having difficulty getting all my water and protein in one day.

this is what yesterday looked liked.
40 oz water total
30 oz protein total
i threw up for the first time after taking my multivitamin... that was an experience.
i walked for maybe 5 minutes and i am still taking antibiotics.

Today i go on to Pureed Foods. This i am very excited about. i am tired of the unjury chicken broth flavored protein powder and all the shakes and blah, blah. I know i will still have to have those but i will be able to include a few bites of chili with melted cheese on top!!! CHEESE!!! hahaha.... yes i miss eating cheese, its my all time favorite snack.

Yesterday i tried a bite of sour cream with shredded cheese on top, it went down nice and smooth but about 5-10 minutes after i finished i got hot flashes and a little lightheaded. that was an experience to remember. next time i will eat it slower and maybe, just maybe i am not ready to go on to pureeds or i will be lactose intolerant with the new sleeve. i sure hope not.

Ive heard of people naming their sleeve, i wasnt sure if i was going to do this or not. anyone reading this... have you named your sleeve or plan to name it? if so what do you plan to call it? i woke up one night with a twinge in my pouch, i was laying on it. i rolled over and said.... sorry betsy. that woke me up from my groggy state. what did i just call my stomach pouch??? BETSY???!!! hahaha.. really?! I have gone through scenarios when i am out at a restaurant or gathering. Betsy is full or Betsy said to pace yourself. I dont know? its so weird that i thought of Betsy in my sleep. I hope you are laughing right now! not too hard though, dont want  you to pop a stitch.

Sleeping. I love to sleep, before and after the sleeve. the hardest part was sleeping on my back the first few days. when i was pregnant with my son, 5 years ago, i turned into a belly sleeper. i am slowly getting back to my stomach but it still gives me twinges in my incisions and 'betsy' lol. I am grateful i am able to comfortably sleep on both of my sides at night. otherwise i would be a real grouch having to sleep on my back.

My infection in my belly button incision is gone. The antibiotics are nasty! no wonder kids fight it. luckily kids dont get cephalexin liquid too often. it makes me vomit in my throat every time i take it. i have a full week left of that crap. so sad. the surgeon was impressed that i caught it so quickly and did all the right steps. saw an urgent care physician, called the on call surgeon and followed all instructions to a T. too bad im not always so good at following directions (i.e. fulfilling water and protein goals). I am a medical assistant and wound care and infection was my specialty for a while when i worked in urgent care. i actually went to see one of the physicians i used to work with. he mocked me a little by asking how often he should plan on me coming in... ha ha ha... im not a hypercondriac (sp). it truly was infected lol.

anyways.... i have a date tonight. im trying to decide if i am well enough to wear heals or if i should stick to flats? im worried i will make too much work on my abdomen and then i will be tired or sore and not able to participate in the evenings activities (wink, wink) lol. that brings up the question of sex. i read through everything i have from the surgeon and there is nothing about restrictions on sex. im sure its a 'do when you feel comfortable' type of activity. My surgeon has very little rules actually, he only asks that i use two forms of birth control. that is a ok with me because even if i didnt just have surgery i would be ready for more kids, and neither is this guy. did anyone else receive guidelines about sex after surgery? a particular time to wait post op and so forth?

i have got to get out of bed and start my water and protein ritual. Oh... one last thing... i am off the pain medication. My last dose was 2 days ago and i only took it out of fear that i would have pain while i slept because i was so tired.

I hope everyone else is doing well!
Lots of Love! Cheers to the Sleeve!

P.S. My goal is to weigh 240 lbs or less before i go back to work on Feb 9th. That is 34 days and 28 lbs from today! i hope i keep up the pound a day or more pattern! :) wish me luck

I am doing really well considering everything that just happened. I am on full liquids (protein shakes, jello, pudding, soup with no chunks, broth). I have been taking maalox and gas x strips like its the end of the world. It really helps with the gas pain that is still stuck in my collarbone area. I have started Omeprazole 20mg in the  morning and evening and my multivitamins as well. The past few days since surgery i was only able to walk a little bit, i did go to the mall (a friend drove), parked by the entrance closest to the store i wanted to go to. there was a consignment store that was closing down, you could fill a bag full of clothes for $10. amazing deal right?! i got 5 bags filled with various sized clothes.

incisions.... 4/6 incisions are healing properly. the lowest incision is really bruised and the belly button incision is infected :( yesterday it was incredibly sore. i saw a local walk in clinic doc who prescribed liquid Cephalexin, my surgeon is going to have me come in on monday so he can also look at it. it is still sore today but alot better than yesterday.

Exercise... I have been walking 30 mins total between little jaunts around the neighborhood, the mall and in my house. This morning i Went outside for a full 30 min walk. it made my collarbone hurt more causing me to stop a few times but overall it was a good walk. I think im going to pick up one of those baby belly bands at target to keep a little bit of pressure on my stomach. i am doing some serious guarding of my belly button port, it also feels better when there is pressure on it.

Weight loss... on my scale at home i weighed 283.6lb on friday morning. 278.4 saturday morning and today, sunday morning i weight 275.6. I cant wait to see what the weight will be at the surgeons office, I was 274.6 the morning of surgery, and our scales have always been totally different.

Nausea and Vomiting... I had some serious nausea in the ASC and then again when i came home on thursday. I have been fine ever since. i removed my scop patch last night, about 2 hours later felt nauseated so i just drank some water and layed down. I didnt do anything for the new year because of the nausea, i just layed in bed and read a book. My roommate helped me welcome in the new year instead of going out to party.

I miss my son so much, i just want to cuddle with him, but i know he would accidentally kick my tummy or cuddle too hard.  and then i would get upset, so i am glad that my family has stepped up and agreed to watch him until 1/8/12 so i can heal as much as possible before he comes home.

Some things i am doing to stay busy and not just sleep the days away. watching movies, cross stitching and reading. Also my friends are taking me with them when they run errands so i can get out of the house. im hoping to make it to michaels today or tomorrow so i can make some rice warmers. Because my stomach is still distended and sore from the infection, i am sitting funny causing my neck and lower back to ache and the heated up towel and blankets are not lasting long enough.

This is all the details of everything i am going through.

Here are my emotions. I never thought to myself... what have i done! It still feel surreal. and i am happy! I am excited to be succesfull for once in my life re: losing weight and being healthy. i didnt make a new years resolution because i dont need to. i know what i need to do, i know what is going to happen. I do not have to come up with some snazzy line to remind me every day that i want to lose weight this year and then in 1 month quit and feel icky, then spend the rest of the year dealing with the failure. no, no no! This year, its going to happen! This is my year to become healthy and active!!! :)

Happy New Year Everyone!!! 2012!!!!!

Hey ya'll,

I succesfully had the vsg done. my liver looked healthy and was out of the way and there were not complications. I still have pain and havent figured out how to move without extreme pain in my abdomen. They fixed a hiatel hernia which is causing me collarbone, neck and shoulder pain.

Right now i am so grumpy. I am nauseated and my tummy is so sore. i dont know if anyone else  experiences this, but even though people know i am not feeling well, they talk in normal voices but to me it seems like they are screaming which drives my absolutely nuts.

I was released around 615am today, my bff jessica helped me get all settled in and i slept in my bed for 3.5 hours or so. it was great. getting out of bed hurt like no other. i later fell asleep on the couch which was pretty good. much better than those darn recliners they had us sleep in at the ASC which is supposed to help but it really didnt help much.

I am taking my pain meds every 3-4 hours and maalox every 4 hours as well. I have gotten in about 10 oz of water and about i spoonful of jello. my tummy cramped alot when i ate that, so i never finished the container. I had to get Compazine suppositories called in to my pharmacy because the nausea was too much to deal with.

Overall i think the procedure went well. i am healing relatively quickly and the pain isnt unbearable if i guard my abdomen. i got to touch my stomach this morning :). I also am able to walk around.  these will help me heal quicker i hope.

my son misses me alot, but he is such a trooper to be away for 2 weeks. i love that lil man :) 

The exact moment i am writing this blog.

My house is clean, and the laundry is done. My son is packed and ready to go to great grandmas for the week. He told me last night that when he misses me then he is going to leave and come find me. I told him that leaving isnt safe and will scare everyone. he could get so lost and i will cry. I told him to call me! every time he misses me he can call me. i am always a phone call away. i dont think i will make it a full 1.5 weeks away from him. Christmas i was so emotional, he was such a trooper, i just held him tight and cried and cried and cried. It was pathetic. i thought all the crying was nerves due to such a huge life change, but it wasnt all due to the surgery, TOM came last yesterday! BOO HOO! i didnt have a period last month so i am extra heavy... just in time for surgery! yay lol jk.  I am going to take my son to a movie and to his favorite restaurant (red robin) for dinner before i drop him off at great grandmas. He is going to have good memories if anything happens... GOD FORBID!!!

I still have to fill my prescriptions... darn procrastination! i am going to do that on my lunch though. i found a pharmacy that has all the meds in stock. yay!  I have yet to pack a bag. luckily i dont need alot. I am bringing chapstick, phone charger and slippers. thats it! i am only staying one night and will likely go home the next morning so i will just sleep and walk. use my phone as entertainment. When i get home is when the fun will begin. I have knitting, needle point, books, laptop, everything is ready. My parents will be picking up my vitamins and protein stuff at the nutritionist when i am in surgery.

so i think thats it :) everything will be taken care of, everything is falling into place. :) it definitely helps to write everything down. i was able to get rid of so many lists this weekend :) it was wonderful!

19hrs 11mins 30secs at the end of this post

thats right... 5 days until surgery! :) i can count the days on 1 hand!!! wooohoooo

What comes along with the excitement of surgery, the nervousness of having incisions made in your belly, concern about complications? Stress, anxiety, negative attitudes, grumpy, short tempers. Thats me right now. there is so much to do in so little time.

I bought a charger at goodwill that appeared to be a good fit but when i got home it did not charge the laptop, it did give it power to work while on the charger. i just ordered a laptop charger online that should be here shortly after i have surgery :) 

Things i still need to do:
~ wrap christmas presents
~ Do laundry
~ pack my sons overnight bag
~ pack my own hospital bag
~ clean, clean, clean! vacuum, sweep, mop, dust, wash windows, change sheets, clean car (inside and out).
~ Put christmas decorations away
~ Bake Santa Cookies
~ buy brothers christmas and birthday present
~ buy best friends christmas present
~ get stocking stuffers for my lil man

Thats quite a list... lists make me stressed but im even more stressed if i dont write things down.

I went a little crazy at goodwill last night. i got supplies to learn to knit, a cool looking book (to the already large list), and needle point supplies. I am not going to run out of things to do while i am stuck in bed. I also got a cool bed tray, its wicker and pretty tall, so im going to set it next to my bed and keep my eating list, books, craft supplies and laptop on it :) Its going to be wonderful.

I am very positive about this whole thing. I am also very nervous and scared. But overall i have wanted to have wls for over 10 years. i was 13 when i first heard of the lapband (that was 12 years ago). Now my dream is finally coming true. I am very excited to have the opportunity to be a normal size. not be trapped or a victim to my weight. I have never, and i mean NEVER been skinny or a normal weight. i was nearly 200 pounds when i was in 5th grade. Yes, i was active and happy and had friends but i knew i didnt look like other kids. i got made fun of but i also had an amazing family and friends who didnt care about my weight so in that way i lucked out. It is going to redefine my life. i can choose my style, instead of only being able to wear whatever fits. i will be able to shop and goodwill and forever 21. i will not have to worry about the seat size or crowds. i will be able to run around with my son and squeeze through the crowds when he runs off. i am very excited about that. i WANT to remember every NSV, forget to complain about the pain and the difficulty and remember to think of something positive every day! lets see if i can do it. I will be back on tuesday with a holiday update and only 1 day left until surgery. not a full day, but a day i have to live until i lay down and get put to sleep, cut open and wake up in pain, walk in pain and drink in pain, but still smile through all the pain and drugs because i did it! i have a forever tool that will help me live a forever happy, fulfilling life :) :) :) 

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!


Addendum: I just read this on the failed wls forum

No form of weight loss surgery is magic.

YOU have to change your lifestyle, PERMANENTLY. 

YOU have to choose to eat a healthy diet.

YOU have to choose to exercise moderately, on a regular basis.