Tausha P.
One month post-op. :-)
Apr 09, 2011
Welp... This month flew by! I can't believe how easy this has been.
Physically: I often forget I have even recenty been sleeved. It's a breeze. The only physical change I have experienced is that I can only eat a tiny bit of food. Thats the point right? Haha! And the thing is: pre-op my problem was I was ALWAYS hungry, and hated the feeling of an empty stomach. Now post-op, I am NEVER hungry and full after a few bites. Ummmmm.... sweet! I pray the "hunger" never returns. Life is good without it.
Emotionally: I can't tell you if the ups and downs I am experiencing have anything to do with the sleeve. I highly doubt it actually. I am going through a divorce, and have to say that most of my emotional ups and downs are due to that, and I am actually dealing with my problems for once instead of eating them away. So.... emotionally- GOOD! Somdays I am stressed, somedays lonely, somedays I am on top of the world. All in all: I think the sleeve has helped me in this department too.
The stats: I started my pre-op diet at 344.5. Day of surgery I was 312. Today: I am 291. I have lost 21 pounds in the first month since surgery, and 54 pounds since Feb 1st. Can't complain. :-)
Peace and Love, folks.
Quote from @brownblonde that I love-
Mar 19, 2011
After a while...
Mar 05, 2011
After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security.
And you begin to accept your defeats with
your head up and your eyes wide open
with the grace of an adult, not the
grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much.
So plant your garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure
That you really are strong
And that you really do have worth.
The Love of Thyself
Mar 04, 2011
No longer a slave. No longer in chains. No longer a victim of self hatred and pain.
No longer doubting the beauty I see. For I love who I am,
Yes, I love all of me.
Once you love self, pain dies when you sing. Then your soul dances with the butterflies that fly in your dreams. Your laughter and joy will smother all doubt. And though
demons still scream true love drowns them out.
It's about wisdom. It's about choices. Peeping out demons and smothering their voices. It's about faith, and putting all fears to death. It's the murder of self pity,
through the love of thyself.
One week Pre-op:
Mar 04, 2011
Anger: I went to my pre-op appointment livid. So mad. I wanted to believe that it was my surgeons nurse that fueled my anger but deep down inside, I knew something was going on with me.
Rebellion: I found myself wanting to rebel against everything I should be doing for surgery. I found myself fighting the rules.
Loneliness: I am going through a divorce, a single mother and I am home, alone every night with my son. Since my husband left, I have not felt an ounce of sadness, he was abusive and controlling and I was happy the cycle had been broken. This week, it didn't want him back, but I longed for companionship. I long for someone to be here with me. I was broken hearted, not about my husband but about being alone.
Sadness: Crying at the drop of a dime. I couldn't figure out why...
I requested the services of Frisco to help me get to the bottom of my issues before surgery, and he helped me realize: I am saying goodbye to all of my comforts.
When I am lonely: I eat, and smoke and ignore it
When I am bored: I eat and smoke and ignore it
When I am stressed: I eat, smoke and drink and ignore it
And I realized, this week I was angry at my pre-op because in a way I felt like they were taking away my comforts. I finally felt the loneliness because I didn't have food, cigs, or wine to distract me...
I am so happy I figured this out (Fricso did, really). But I need to say goodbye to this destructive lifestyle. I need to say goodbye to these things that have become a part of my identity and have gotten me through... they haven't blessed me- they have just helped me ignore it all.
I am afraid that this is going to be very, very hard on me. I have always chosen to self-destruct. A sadist by nature. But I have to overcome it. This surgery can not just be a band aid, I have to deal with the real issues.
Goodbye Tausha. Goodbye to the girl who couldn't love herself enough to love herself. Goodbye to the girl who puts everyone and everything before herself and her own needs. Goodbye to self-denial. Goodbye to ignorance. Goodbye to self-destruction. Goodbye to giving myself away. Goodbye co-dependency.
Goodbye to the "comforts" that hurt me...
