Tausha P.
One week Pre-op:
Mar 04, 2011
I've been on an emotional roller coaster this week.Anger: I went to my pre-op appointment livid. So mad. I wanted to believe that it was my surgeons nurse that fueled my anger but deep down inside, I knew something was going on with me.
Rebellion: I found myself wanting to rebel against everything I should be doing for surgery. I found myself fighting the rules.
Loneliness: I am going through a divorce, a single mother and I am home, alone every night with my son. Since my husband left, I have not felt an ounce of sadness, he was abusive and controlling and I was happy the cycle had been broken. This week, it didn't want him back, but I longed for companionship. I long for someone to be here with me. I was broken hearted, not about my husband but about being alone.
Sadness: Crying at the drop of a dime. I couldn't figure out why...
I requested the services of Frisco to help me get to the bottom of my issues before surgery, and he helped me realize: I am saying goodbye to all of my comforts.
When I am lonely: I eat, and smoke and ignore it
When I am bored: I eat and smoke and ignore it
When I am stressed: I eat, smoke and drink and ignore it
And I realized, this week I was angry at my pre-op because in a way I felt like they were taking away my comforts. I finally felt the loneliness because I didn't have food, cigs, or wine to distract me...
I am so happy I figured this out (Fricso did, really). But I need to say goodbye to this destructive lifestyle. I need to say goodbye to these things that have become a part of my identity and have gotten me through... they haven't blessed me- they have just helped me ignore it all.
I am afraid that this is going to be very, very hard on me. I have always chosen to self-destruct. A sadist by nature. But I have to overcome it. This surgery can not just be a band aid, I have to deal with the real issues.
Goodbye Tausha. Goodbye to the girl who couldn't love herself enough to love herself. Goodbye to the girl who puts everyone and everything before herself and her own needs. Goodbye to self-denial. Goodbye to ignorance. Goodbye to self-destruction. Goodbye to giving myself away. Goodbye co-dependency.
Goodbye to the "comforts" that hurt me...
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About Me
Fergus Falls, MN
Location
40.4
BMI
Surgery
03/10/2011
Surgery Date
Jan 26, 2011
Member Since
