tmrosenthall

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As i stare at my weight i get more and more excited. I can not believe i am on the lossing end of this battle. Every diet i ever tried has failed me or rather i have failed at them. I am now in a rehab facility because to no suprise of my own my back when out right after i had the surgery. So i have been away from home since July 12. at first i thought it was a write off for worse things to come. But it was all in my had. I have physical and occupational therapy five days a week and im finally getting stronger. i can not believe that i have lost so much in such a short time. Each day is a little different then the next and i could not be happier. I think having this surgery was the best decision i have ever made. I have finally made it and soon I will be ready for my close up Mr. Deville!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would be dishonest if I were to tell you that life is great and things are running smoothly, that isnt really so. So far I have been home for three days and things just have not been going right. I got home only to find my lights were out. I guess I was so excited and preoccupied with the surgery that i forgot to pay the bill. I still dont know how I did that. So we headed back to the car and went to my uncles house. Once I got inside i found the couches were too low twice i had to be pulled up from them. The last time I threw up and a few other things too gross to admit, lol. So I ended up sleeping in my wheelchair the rest of this time. Darning stinking light company. Celebrating the 4th with the family was not so bad. I got to see everyone including my dad. I can adimit though, that I am one of the higher risk patients so things are not going to just flow for me. I have to work twice as hard because i was not able to walk well before surgery or use my legs well so im still in the learning stages. My mornings have been filled with dry heaves and tears but all in all this morning has been my best. im starting to feel like myself again. I cant wait to go home that is for sure. I am keeping my head up and my eye on the prize.

Well, time sure flies when you are having fun. I am going to be the next Diva Dr. Evanson says. There was no need for him to pump my head of any further that is for sure. I have ordered clothes to wear in the back of my mind like I am 4 months post op but now actual purchase has been made. I am trying very hard to keep myself under control. lol, how in the world can I contain myself now. I go back to the begining when I first joined OH and the desperation that I felt in those days are long gone. I am counting down the days until I become a new me. I found out at the doctor on friday that I have lost another 24 pounds YEAH ME!!!!!!!!!!!. That makes a grand total of 64. I have lost an enitre person where my husband comes from already. I am super charged I have never lost that much weight on my own and I am loving it. BTW, i am loving my new doctor as much as I love doctor Distlaer. He has a wonderful bedside manner. He was kind and considerate. Even though he was running late ne never rushed our visit. He gave me several chances to ask all the questions I wanted. That is when he realized that I was just ready to get this done. So he said the next time you see me you will be in a green gown with your but out and a yellow cap on your head and little yellow booties on your feet (doc had a sense of humor) and we will get this thing done! I love him already. lol, now I am just waiting for the pre-approval from the insurance company. I never told you guys this before but I can sing. My doctor might be right someone will cut to stage right and I will emerge the Butterfly Diva.

 Ok, so i missed publishing a blog last month which is cool. Feb 28 is offically the best day in the world. I go a call from my program director at Clairan and I was informed that my insurance changed. Right away I was scared and unhappy. But I was just to conclusions to soon. I was told that the program is three months short with Anthem medicaid so YEAH ME i am done with supervised weight loss. I am meeting with the doctor tomorrow to find out his plan of action and get the date for my surgery. The only think that I was not expecting was changing my doctor but I was reassured that my new doctor is just a promenant as my previous doctor. So here we go tomorrow will mark my new birthday!!!!!!!!!!! I lost 38 pounds on my last visit and now this. I love Clarian Bariatric Center!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK. friends Jan. is done. I have had my psych evaluation and I have been cleared for surgery. Well pending three weeks worth of food journals. I have not been eating and sleeping much. So I was given the challenge of setting a timer that will go off when its time to eat and eating even if I have no want to. As for as sleeping goes I'm not sure how to change that around. I lay down and sleep when i am sleeping but about two hours later I am up and ready to go just as if I had eight hours of sleep. This morning I woke up with a splitting headache so I knew it was time to take my blood pressure medicine. My fiance flipped out because I had not ate anything so I grabbed my trusty bag of carrot chips and munched on about 10 and feel so sick i was going to die but they stayed down. The next three months worth of supervised visit will be done over the phone after wards I go to the doctor and go over surgery options again. Then we set the date..... A brand new day is coming and I am finally happy about it. BTW ... I have drop 38 pounds YAY!!!!

Well, supervised weight loss management is done for this month. I have a team of nurses and therapist to come and see me at home. Because my mobility is almost completely gone I was able to arrange for my supervised visits to be done at home ad well. I am in the need of so much medical equipment at the moment I don't know what to do. They are ordering a bed, bedside commode, and a walker to go along with the wheel chair that I already. I am experiencing so much itchy icky feelings from my legs because of the lymphedemia (or however its is spelled). I keep moving my legs around and wiggle giggling them around. i found that if I lay down i feel much better. However, who wants to lay in bed all day long. Not me!!!! I am an online student so I have plenty of homework to keep me busy so I cant really lay down all day long. I think soon they will increase my water pills because "m sitting here most of the day not going to the bathroom. so 40 milligrams is not doing the trick. The light is at the end of the tunnel finally I can see it.

I would first like to thank everyone who has been reading my post. I have had some amzaing time that I have shared with you all and some rough times that I wised that i could of avoided.The news about not beging able to proceed with the surgery because of insurance was devasting to me. Shorty after that news tore me down I lost my grandfather and then my grandmother. All that I can say is that it was one hell of a free fall. I feel like I have made it to the very bottom. I have had to use my twelve year old as a wet nurse and I can hardly walk on my own. But just when i wanted to quiet and give in and let GOD come for me the blessings started to flow.i left my job and went on short term disability. Those benifits ended on Nov 7. Monday (this past) I got a very unexpected man. He old me that I had been approved for Social Security Disability. One down to go I thought. On Tuesday, I opened my mail and Glory Be to God, it was my medicaid card. I back in the running ladies and gentlemen. I thought that I was surely going to die this size, but my salvation has come. I am schattered but not broken, wonded but Time will heal!!!!!!!! I am on my way officially to the losers bench.

Oh friends, my heart is troubled as I sit here and type this blog. Yesterday my grandmother passed away after being taken into the hospital. She was a Superwoman in every since of the word. She left her husband with her three youngest kids in tow because her marriage was hard and she could not stand living a life where she was told that she could not go to church and praise God. She made a life here in Indianapolis, IN as a housekeeper at the Convention Center, where she work and met the love of her life, until her oldest daughter passed on. My mother was her oldest daughter. After this amazing women raised her own kids she raised us as well I being the oldest at ten and my brother Randall being the youngest at four.I am her oldest grandchild and because of that my bond with her was the most profound. I have been treated like a delicate flower that must be protected at all cost and because of my feelings for my grandma I understand way. My very being is sensitive and when it can to my little short grandma they amplified by millions.  I had my first child in 95 and I left school to get a job, leaving her to help me raise that child as well. Generation after generation this woman carried her touch and not once did we see her shed a tear even when I knew she had. She did not cry in front of me when my oldest passed away but I know she felt weak and still she held up nice and tall for us. She was stronger than any man I have ever met and softer then a tear on your cheek. I loved her with my soul because my mom left Indiana to make a place for us she cared for me until I was five years old. For as long as I can remember she has babied and nurtured me. I will miss her so much it chokes me up to think about it. She was my start to the day. Just knowing she was sleeping quietly down the hall made me feel safe. Now, I have to rise above my paint and heartache and realize that I am not the only one suffering and that God did not launch a personal attack on me. I know it is said that he will not place more on us then we can bear and I hope with all my faith and trust in him that that is right. God is a loving and peaceful God. He moves in a way that no man can match and I am thankful that he sent his son to die for my sins so that I could be made whole again. I take comfort in knowing that for every step I take that he will take two. I want to wrap my arms around Jesus and tell he its ok because If he feels more than half of what we are going through, as God intended, his pain is a million times worse then mines. Please continue to keep my in your prayers. I have found strength that I myself cannot believe but I will not left go of these thoughts until my Grandma's earthly body is laid to rest. God Bless pair of eyes that reads this and may he keep safely in his arms. I will blog again soon. Thank you all ahead of time for you blessings.

Ok, if you have been following my story you will know how long it has taken me to get to were I am. I have had some very disturbing news about medicaid this week and its been hard for me to swallow. No pun intended. I know that I can get medicaid if I quite my job. But is that taking a step backwards or forwards. This means that I have to give up the doctor that I just found and love, my job where I make 14.98 an hour, and seeing my co-workers who I know and have worked with for over ten years on one hand. On the other hand I will get medicaid, get the surgery I need to postpone death, become more active with my kids, travel with my husband, and get a better job where I will be able to walk around more and travel is need be. I am stuck on what to do. I have one foot out the back door at work anyway because I used up all my FMLA when I was sick. We are on a point system with 6 mean termination. I am at 5.5 or maybe 5.8 now that I had to take off a day this week when my grandmother was taken to the hospital. Any thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated because I know that you guys can understand what I am going through. I am coming to you before anyone else with this decision.

Well, it have been a little while since I last posted but nothing has really changed. I have lost a little more weight. I couldn't get an accurate read from my overly priced scale so I went with the bigger number. I would appear that I have lost almost 20 lbs. I can feel the differences when I am getting in and out of my bed and my car, which is exciting. I was getting to the point where I was going to ask people to grease both of my sides and shove me into the car or yank me out of it. I am afraid that I am getting sick again so I have been glued to my inhaler. I will be devastated if I develop bronchitis again, or even worse pneumonia.

That's the good news, as promised here is the bad. I was denied medicaid. I was very down and depressed after that and I found that at times I am a depressed eater. I feel sorry for myself and tired of taken the extra to make the food that I am chained to until I drop some significant numbers. For the last two nights I have eaten whatever without a care in the world. It was last night when I realized that I may not be slimming down super fast but I am loosing weight. This is something that I can say I feel I have never done correctly, but now I am seeing and feeling results. I am going to stick with my managed weight loss plan and I am going to keep appealing every insurance company that denies me. So one is going to help me eventually I know. I feel it. God would not give me a burden that I cannot bare. I am a survivor and I am going to survivor obesity before I leave this world!