It's Almost Time!

Apr 21, 2011

Sitting here at my desk on my last day of work before my surgery, I have found myself being completely out of control with my thoughts, anxious feelings, and fear of what is to come...both the good and the bad.  The surgery. The recovery. The joy of watching the scale go down.  The unknown of what is to come in the next 2 weeks.  Fighting back tears is an understatement. 

I want this for me more than anything.  I want my daughter to grow up with a mother that is healthy.  She is 10 and watching her now breaks my heart.  When she squeezes her tummy and says I'm fat or when she weighs herself in the bathroom and then complains about what it says...I'm setting her up to be exactly like me.  I tell her everyday how beautiful she is and that it's just a number.  Boy, wish I believed that but I don't and I know it's not.  That number dictates how I feel about myself.  It should not but it does.  I want to be a healthy person and feel good in my skin as well as my clothes.  Does that make me selfish?  Maybe but maybe it's time I was for once.  I give so much to my kids...now it's my turn.

The surgery will be tough and recovery will probably be painful and exhausting but IT WILL BE WORTH IT.  I will be a new me, a new mom, and a new wife.  Now if someone could just tell my nerves all of this.  I won't post anymore before Monday but the next time I'm here, I will be a great big LOSER!

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