Tracy D.

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Yesterday was my 4-month surgiversary.  I got on the scale and was at 162.4 for a total of 56 lbs. lost since surgery; 73 lbs. since I started this process back in January.  I need to weigh 135 lbs. to be at a "normal" BMI.  That's only 27 lbs. to go - crazy!! 

There's 14 weeks until the end of the year and I've been averaging about 2 lbs. loss per week.  So I'm really, REALLY hoping that I can be at goal by New Year's Eve

I find myself getting discouraged.   Not by my weight loss, which has been averaging out to about 2 lbs. per week.  It's the sizes I can wear.  All over these forums I read about people who weigh lots more than me who are wearing the same size...or smaller!  And I'm like, "damn, what is wrong with me?" Some people will say it's because I'm short (5'3"), we're all shaped different, blah, blah, blah.  Doesn't really appease me :-(

Right now I'm wearing size 16 shirts and size 14 or 16 pants.  Regular sizes, not plus or women sizes.  I'm happy about this because I can't even remember the last time I could get into a pair of size 14 jeans.  It's just crazy to me that someone 50, 60, 70 lbs. more than me can be wearing the same size!!!

I would never, ever pray for a stall.  But if that's what it takes to drop inches then I don't think it would be a bad thing.  I've only got about 30 lbs. to go to goal and I don't see me getting into sizes much smaller than 12...maybe a 10 if I'm lucky with vanity sizing. 

I had a really disturbing dream the other night.  I walked into this olde-time looking candy store, fully expecting to find chocolates in there.  But what did I find instead?  Donuts, more donuts and cookies!  Donuts are like crack for me.  In the dream I was aware I'd had surgery and I was rationalizing why it would be "okay" to have part of a cookie or a donut.  But then, still in dream mode, I was telling myself how it would be a slippery slope. 

I can't honestly remember if I ate something or not in the dream - I think I woke up before that happened.  But it bothered me that I had the dream at all!  I started thinking about if I'd had more carbs lately than normal or if maybe my new chewable vitamin from Celebrate (which looks and taste like a Starburst) triggered me. 

My reaction was to make sure that for the next couple days my carbs were well below 30.  The new vitamins have 7 g of carb (wowza!) so I have to make sure and account for those each day.  I don't know if I'll be ordering more of them if I get any more of these crazy food dreams! 

Today it really hit home for me.  I'm going to do this...I'm going to actually get to a healthy BMI!   For the first time in over 25 years, I am within 40 lbs. of "normal" weight.  And by "normal" I mean in the normal BMI-range.  I only need to lose another 41.5 lbs. to get there.   Do you know how many times I've lost 40 lbs. or more?  A LOT!   I feel like I can do it with one hand tied behind my back so I know deep in my soul that I. Got. This! 

Wow...what a feeling...so hard to explain.  It's not cockiness or arrogance or even anxiousness (cuz I've felt that a lot in the past when I was successful in losing lots of weight).  It's not me saying that I'm-so-great-at-this that there's no way I can fail.  Because I've failed at every diet I've ever tried and I've read story after story on OH of how people eat around this surgery and fail to lose all their weight.  It's the stone-cold knowledge that - FINALLY - I have an eating plan that works for me and a tool (the sleeve) that makes it possible to actually stay on the plan.   I never, ever had that feeling before and it's amazing to feel it now. 

One of these days I'll get around to taking some pictures but I'll have to dig up some old ones first so there's something to compare them to.  I know we all love those weight-loss-in-progress pics :-)