February 2021 Update
Feb 11, 2021
This past year has seen a lot of changes in my life. I lost Bill to cancer on October 5, 2013. We were married 44 years, two months and nine days. Although it has been over 7 years, I still grieve for him.
I gained some weight during the isolation of Covid-19. I went from my comfortable, stable weight of 115 back up to 230. I have been trying to lose the extra 15 pounds for the last several months. I have lost 10 lbs of it by cutting out chocolate (my go-to stress addiction) but these last 5 pounds are hanging on.
I am almost 14 years past RNY bariatric surgery. At 69 (almost 70 in May), I have maintained my weight loss. I moved from my beautiful home in Nevada back to Ohio. I tried living with my son's family and even spent $170,000 of my funds to buy a wonderful 4 bedroom home for all of us to live together. Eighteen months later and after being hospitalized for depression, I moved back out. Now his family live in that house and I live in a much smaller one that I bought for his family in 2006. It is what it is.
My problem and I know part of it is my depression, is that I have no appetite. I am supposed to be trying to stay low-carb and focusing on healthy food. But when I even think of trying to cook anything, just the thought of eating it makes me feel sick. Breakfast this morning was supposed to be eggs with sausage and zero-carb toast. I looked at the eggs and sausage and just could not bring myself to make it. I had black coffee and zero-carb toast with cream cheese and fruit spread instead. Last night I had thawed a hamburger patty and was going to have it with a plate of fresh cut vegetables. Again, just thinking of the taste of the hamburger, the smell of it cooking, made me feel very tired and sick. I ended up with the cream cheese on toast and fruit spread that I had again this morning.
I have a freezer full of pork chops, hamburger, chicken, brats, even freezer meals of Italian stew that someone gave me and ZERO appetite for any of it.
I am taking generic Cymbalta for depression along with several other anxiety, pain, and vitamins every day. My doctor knows what I am taking and follows my health issues faithfully. He suggested that I might want to reverse my bypass. I will not consider that. The little child inside of me still wants what it wants. It is only my body's negative reaction to sugar and fat that allows me to stay relatively stable. My "pouch" is still quite small according to my latest endoscopy. I can eat about 1 to 1-1/2 cups of anything before my stomach rebels and I end up in the bathroom.
I am not posting this for advice or suggestions. I just knew that this group will understand more than anyone else. You that have had RNY know the pros and cons of the surgery. I am not in danger of anorexia, bulemia, or any other food-related illness. My diabetes was cured by my surgery and my blood sugar is always in normal range for my age. I just needed someone to talk to and this group was it. Thank you for listening.