Well, I can honestly say it has been a fun(mostly) ride this past 6 months since my surgery. I have experienced so many new highs, not weight related, mostly health related. And some new lows and fears, sugar cravings, lots of vomiting (a double edged sword), no money for new clothes.
On the positive side I have lost 140 lbs since my 2010 highest and I can tie my shoes not on my bed, wear shoes my feet would not fit in as they were so swollen, sit with my legs crossed, clean myself better, sleep all night long without getting up to pee, fasten my seatbelt, leave all meds except pain meds behind, sit on the floor with my granddaughter, walk longer ( I just did 7 minutes on a treadmill. My first time ever.) breathe easier, and get lots of compliments. That part is so fun. All those things are the reason I decided on surgery as my final option. I knew for years diets were not working, therapy, plans, routines, etc did not work for me. I was heavy at 16 yo when I had my first child and gained progressively through the years until I reached a whopping 405 lbs (I am 5'4") at 56 I was packing it on and losing my life. Actually, I was diagnosed with cancer(leukemia) in 2007 and was told I had a 20% survival chance without chemo. But I beat the odds with 5 months of chemo and survived. During chemo I lost about 60-70 lbs, but was way into gaining it back when I decided I had to have surgery to conrtrol this spiralling weight gain. So last March I went to the oncologist and got verbal approval to proceed with changing my life for the better. One thing a dear friend said to me when I was first diagnosed with CA+ "You are going to have to decide if you want to live or not." I took that to heart and literally made a conscious decision to choose life. When it came to pass I did survive, I had to ask myself "now that you have been given a life to live, what are you gonna do with it?" GET HEALTHIER!!! was my answer. That was and continues to be my main goal. This surgery is the tool bringing about the changes I can live with.
I am forgetting the negative things about this surgery. Just like I am forgetting the negative things which happened with cancer and childbirth: the pain, discomfort, painful stricture, intense vomiting. So the picture seems rosy. However, right now I am dealing with sugar cravings. I went from Aug till Christmas without sugar or very minimal real sugar. Then the Christmas season came and I ate more sugared foods than I had in the 4 previous months. Still losing and doing better than ever before, but more than my little tummy was used to. No dumping for me,since I have been increasing the sugar content in my diet, sprinkling some on cereal 1-2 times per week, getting coffee at the convenience store and adding sugar instead of splenda, buying myself and my granddaughter M&M's at walmart at the end of a shopping trip, having ice cream cake for a birthday party, and lastly buying Dove's Dark Chocolate for myself for Valentine's Day "because I love myself". What BS!! I decided if I truly love myself I would love my self by eating my SF chocolate instead. This week I am returning to SF foods totally. No more candy, ice cream, sugared cereal, etc. That is loving myself. I went shopping to buy several SF options I had not purchased during the cold weather. That is how I really love myself, by taking care of my body. Yes it is still heavy, even in the seriously obese range I am sure. It is FLABBY beyond repair. I still struggle with intense knee pain, shoulder pain and back pain. But it is mine, the only one I will be given, and it deserves respect, love, compassion and caring. It deserves the best I have to give. And sugar is not the best I have. It is the worst.
My pouch is changing, the honeymoon period is wearing off. I can eat more without discomfort. That is scary!!! I can eat more variety, though unground meat, pork and beef, hot dogs(even healthy ones) rice and other chunky foods still cause discomfort in my upper digestive track. But I can put away more than a few bites now and that means control is in my mind's ability, rather than my physical structure. As I have heard "My best thinking got me here." so that scares me too. When I am in a fear based place I have always retreated into food, now I am learning to retreat into any other activity other than eating. it is not the norm for me. But I am more mindful of what my structure is saying, eat slower (a very hard one to learn), chew more, stop now and I am getting better at listening. I catch my thoughts quicker and listen better. For that I am thankful. I can't wait for a year to pass. I want to see how my life has changed next September 3, my surgerversiry. I will continue with gratitude daily for this opportunity to improve my health and improve my happiness.
Thank you universe, for allowing this to happen. I am very grateful to the people involved in my changes. I am equally grateful for the people on theis website ho support me in this extraordinary journey!!! Wow Wow Wow!!!