Taelor S.
As promised....
Nov 13, 2012
I mentioned in a post to the forum that I would give my motivation for having weight loss surgery on my blog, so here goes...
I am 21 years old and last June I married my best friend. I have always been overweight. In fact, when I was 4 years old I weighed almost 100 lbs. I spend my entire childhood being told how I was going to kill myself if I didn't "act" better and was constantly put down for everything I put in my mouth. I love my parents, but looking back I would almost consider the situation abusive. There are a lot of emotional scars I still carry with me to this day because of things that were said to me about my weight at a very young age by my parents. Anyway, obviously I never lost weight and went through adolescence being the fat, but pretty!, girl. People knew me, I was involved in school and generally never felt restricted by my weight. Sure, I was self-conscious, but I tried my damnedest not to let the weight control my life or what I chose to do. I did, however, allow my weight to let me gain SERIOUS self esteem and confidence issues, that didn't start to rear their ugly heads until after high school. When I first started college I felt that I was surrounded by super attractive, super wealthy people and I never really gave myself a chance to be involved and really experience college. Instead I stayed in my dorm room away from people, afraid of what they might think of my. I then began to feel too self conscious to go to class. The aisles were narrow and they seats were small and close together. In a lecture hall with 400 people in it I felt like everyone was staring at me. I let the anxiety get the best of me and I left. In retrospect, I think it was probably the right thing to do anyway, my some of my reasoning for doing it was really sad. Flash forward 3 years and I'm going on my honeymoon. My husband and I planned a trip full of indoor water parks and amusement parks. The day we went to the indoor water park was probably my lowest point. I went to get on a raft and I didn't fit. My husband insisted that I try again, as he didn't understand that I already tried and it WAS NOT going to happen. It was mortifying and we come home from vacation 2 days early. That was the point when I said, THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. We came home and the next month this crazy journey started. I'm scheduled to have surgery next week and I am ready. I'm done feeling like I have to hide myself because of my weight and I'm ready to get out there and enjoy all the world has to offer me---primarily the prospect of having children. I work with kids now and although its stressful, i really do love it. Kids give my the greatest joy and nothing would make me happier than to be able to have my own. I want to be able to conceive and go through pregnancy without complications or gestational diabetes and have a safe delivery. I know these things wouldn't all be possible at the weight I'm currently at. I also want to be able to give my kids so much more than my parents gave me. I want to be able to teach them about nutrition and discipline and to be able to be active with them, unlike my parents were with me. I want to give them the world and I know none of that would be possible at this size. So, unlike many of you, my ultimate goal isn't a number, but a calling. If there's one thing I know for sure it's that I was put on this earth to be a KICK ASS mom, and I can't wait until that day comes!