As promised....

Nov 13, 2012

I mentioned in a post to the forum that I would give my motivation for having weight loss surgery on my blog, so here goes...

 

I am 21 years old and last June I married my best friend.  I have always been overweight.  In fact, when I was 4 years old I weighed almost 100 lbs.  I spend my entire childhood being told how I was going to kill myself if I didn't "act" better and was constantly put down for everything I put in my mouth.  I love my parents, but looking back I would almost consider the situation abusive.  There are a lot of emotional scars I still carry with me to this day because of things that were said to me about my weight at a very young age by my parents.  Anyway, obviously I never lost weight and went through adolescence being the fat, but pretty!, girl.  People knew me, I was involved in school and generally never felt restricted by my weight.  Sure, I was self-conscious, but I tried my damnedest not to let the weight control my life or what I chose to do.  I did, however, allow my weight to let me gain SERIOUS self esteem and confidence issues, that didn't start to rear their ugly heads until after high school.  When I first started college I felt that I was surrounded by super attractive, super wealthy people and I never really gave myself a chance to be involved and really experience college.  Instead I stayed in my dorm room away from people, afraid of what they might think of my.  I then began to feel too self conscious to go to class.  The aisles were narrow and they seats were small and close together.  In a lecture hall with 400 people in it I felt like everyone was staring at me.  I let the anxiety get the best of me and I left.  In retrospect, I think it was probably the right thing to do anyway, my some of my reasoning for doing it was really sad. Flash forward 3 years and I'm going on my honeymoon.  My husband and I planned a trip full of indoor water parks and amusement parks.  The day we went to the indoor water park was probably my lowest point.  I went to get on a raft and I didn't fit.  My husband insisted that I try again, as he didn't understand that I already tried and it WAS NOT going to happen.  It was mortifying and we come home from vacation 2 days early.  That was the point when I said, THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.  We came home and the next month this crazy journey started.  I'm scheduled to have surgery next week and I am ready.  I'm done feeling like I have to hide myself because of my weight and I'm ready to get out there and enjoy all the world has to offer me---primarily the prospect of having children. I work with kids now and although its stressful, i really do love it.  Kids give my the greatest joy and nothing would make me happier than to be able to have my own.  I want to be able to conceive and go through pregnancy without complications or gestational diabetes and have a safe delivery.  I know these things wouldn't all be possible at the weight I'm currently at.  I also want to be able to give my kids so much more than my parents gave me.  I want to be able to teach them about nutrition and discipline and to be able to be active with them, unlike my parents were with me.  I want to give them the world and I know none of that would be possible at this size.  So, unlike many of you, my ultimate goal isn't a number, but a calling.  If there's one thing I know for sure it's that I was put on this earth to be a KICK ASS mom, and I can't wait until that day comes!  

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