ttjab3

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything ~ been going through lots of emotions lately.   

After I found out I was approved, I got sooooooo excited.  It was finally gonna happen.  My thoughts went from constantly wondering/worrying/being concerned about even being approved.  

Ok, so now I’m approved for RNY, but now my thoughts are all over the place.  I wasn’t really, I mean REALLY, concerned too much about food and trying to drop any weight although Dr. Pop asked me to be 284 when I come back in for surgery.  (I was 294 when I first saw him).  I have been working now at trying I say ‘divorce’ myself from the unhealthy foods.  I was doing GREAT and got down to 282!!   I was feeling so good and proud of myself thinking, ‘I’ll get in the 270’s before surgery!!’.   Well, then I got a call from someone in Dr. Pop’s office and she told me that he had signed off my chart saying I was cleared for surgery.  YAY!!   Then, she told me my chart/info was going now to the Benefits department to see if I have any out of pocket costs.  Right away my tummy started to hurt.  My mind went right away to having to come up with thousands of dollars first.  I wanted to cry.  (Oh, she also told me that after I heard from benefits that then my chart/info would go to scheduling and they would call me for my dates for pre op and then surgery.)  I began to worry of having to come up with lots and lots of money first.  My husband called the Benefits Department at Barix just to see if they could give us any info as to what they would think we would have to pay, but it just went to a voice mail.   To this day, we still haven’t gotten a call back from his call.  After he left the voice mail, he called our insurance to see if they could give us somewhat of an idea as to what our out of pocket costs might be.  After talking to someone, he got off phone and told me the max we would have to pay out of pocket would be $1,200!!   OWEY!!!!!   I don’t have that in our bank account just sitting there.  I cried.

He said that tax return time is coming and we can use it from that.  Well, we just had to replace our old van (which was all paid up so we’ve had no payments coming out of his paycheck.  Remember, I don’t work and we just live on his little paycheck every two weeks!!)  Now we are back to having a car payment of $300 a month.  We told ourselves when we were at the dealership that we would take our tax return and open up another checking account with the tax money and keep it there for our monthly car payments so we wouldn’t hurt every month trying to pay it.  So, we got the new vehicle really with no worries.  Now, I find out we might have up to $1,200 out of pocket for this RNY!!   My husband said it will be ok that we will take what we need out of tax return to pay for the out of pocket costs for me to get the surgery and that we will just have to pay maybe around $100 or a bit more a month out of his paycheck for our car payment.  I love him, he is telling me we will be ok, but I still am worrying now.

We haven’t heard anything from the Benefit’s Department and I find myself eating out of being worried.  I don’t know what I weigh today ~ don’t want to.  I know I am not the 282.  

I want to get a hold of it and get back in control of eating.  I’m trying.  I know after surgery, I won’t be able to just go eat whatever whenever I’m upset and worried. 

I started my period yesterday and have been soooooooo hungry and craving chocolate for a few days now.  John and I went out last night and I bought myself some York’s Peppermint Patties and ate a bunch of them (the mini ones, but still had too many). 

Today, I have NO appetite and very crampy and really just want to cry.

The only think I have had today (it’s 2:30 PM, but I didn’t get up till 1 PM ~ couldn’t sleep last night so much on my mind) is a strawberry protein drink!!

I AM going to be good today and give those peppermint patties I have left to John to take to work!! 

Last night, we bought some beautiful oranges and apples.  So, today, I plan on having a piece of salmon and fruit.  Also, I will have some cottage cheese.  Not sure what else.

Well, just needing to get this out on here!!

Boy, I wish I would hear from Benefits so I know!!

The girl I talked to said it could go fast now for setting up pre op testing and the actual surgery. 

December 22, 2009

Since not finding anything out on Monday, I was hoping and praying I would hear something today!!  The day was passing bye and I heard nothing.   We had plans to go see our horses (they are being boarded at a friend’s house) and then go to Walmart (we were given money for CHRISTmas and the girls have been wanting a Wii Console and games) to get the girls big CHRISTmas gift ~ the Wii     .        About 3:50 PM the phone rang and my youngest daughter answered it (I HATE the phone!!).  It was Stacy!!   My heart slowed down as I listened to her talk.  She was talking in a very (VERY) melancholy voice  .     It reminded me of how she talked to me when she had to tell me the bad news about having to do the 6 month supervised diet.  She had not so good news for me so her tone wasn’t chippy!!  This is how she was talking to me yesterday.  I was preparing myself for the worse.  She proceeded to tell me that she received the paperwork from my insurance and she had reviewed it.  She paused……Then, this is what she said, “I have reviewed it……..and it looks like……you’ve been……..APPROVED!!!”      I let out this weird sound ~ don’t remember what exactly, but like a loud gasp I guess.  I started laughing, then began to tear up!!  I was so relieved.  

Stacy told me she had given my packet now up to Dr. Poplawski’s office.  They will call me to go over the next step!!  YEAH!!  I’m so happy and ready.

When we got home from Walmart, we set up the Wii and I did the bowling, tennis and some golf.  We bought the Just Dance game and I even danced!!  It will be great exercise for all of us!!

It’s funny, I’ve been spending all my feelings on just getting approved and now that I am approved, my thoughts are going now to the actual surgery!! 

I am not afraid of anything, but when I start to think that it is actually going to happen for me now, I twinge inside thinking of actually laying in the hospital bed waiting to go into surgery.  That sort of scares me.  But, I know I will be ok.   I have read where others have been really nervous so they were given something to help calm their nerves.  I am hoping I can get something like that.

John found out from his work that he has 9 vacation days and 3 sick days.  He is going to take the week off work when I get surgery to be around for me and the girls!!

I am soooooo excited ~ I can’t wait to get this going.

I laid in bed with my husband and was in tears when I woke him up with the news.  I am sad I am 40 years old and finally going to get healthy and lose weight.  I told him I wish I would have been ready to do this 10 years ago, but I wasn’t to the point that I was really ready to do it.  I am ready now, but now I’m 40!!  (I don’t deal well with my age ~ having a hard time with it)

So, this is where I am right now in this journey!!

Thank you to all of those who support me, encourage me and are there for me!!

God Bless,

Tari

I got some news on my approval.  I haven't been approved just yet, but it sounds like I will be ~ just need to do some more pleasing to the insurance company.  I got a call Tuesday morning from Stacy from Barix.  She called really early (before we were up) and she left a message to call her.  Well, John got home from work around 9ish and heard the message.  He didn't call her, instead he called the number on the back of his insurance care for pre approval department.  He talked to a Cynthia and she just got my paperwork on Monday and she said everything looks good in it, but it is missing just one statement from my doctor.  She said she needs something in writing from my doctor stating my 'high blood pressur is aggrivated by the obesity'.  (Just that little statement is required).  So, after he hung up, he called our family doctor and told them what I needed.  Of course, my doctor that I have been seeing for this was out of the office Tuesday!!  ARGGG  I got upset, but then I figured I've been waiting this long, what is one more day to wait to get something into insurance!!  John called Stacy to see if that is what was up, but she wasn't there, he just left a message.  Later in the day I got a call from Stacy and she said that my doctor faxed over the statement our insurance needed!!  I was like, how???, she wasn't in today.  I guess she came in to the office and she faxed over the statement to Stacy right away.  YEAH!!!   Stacy informed me that she faxed it right over to Cynthia and will let me know as soon as she hears anything.   I got excited, then started getting scared.  LOL  Knowing I'm almost there.  I have been concentrating so much on getting approved that I really haven't been thinking of the actual procedure.  But, it's not going to scare me away.  I am ready to have this surgery and start my new life and be healthier!!
I was hoping above all hopes that today (Wednesday) I would hear something, but nope.  Maybe tomorrow I'll hear some good news!!

I got some good news tonight when my hubby got to work.  He did get a bonus, only half of what he usually gets, but at least it's something.  Our girls wont get much for Christmas, but at least they'll get something now!!  I know it isn't about the gifts, it's about the birth of our Savior, but being human and a mom, I want to give my chirldren something on Christmas.  We aren't able to just go out and buy them things throughout the year which I would like to, so when Christmas comes I like to give them things.  So, I am happy God answered that prayer!!  Now to spend it wisely!!  LOL 

I'm holding strong and ready for this surgery!!
TTFN,
God Bless,
Tari

It has been a while since I've posted a blog, so I thought I would do one tonight. 
I haven't heard yet if I've been approved or not for surgery.  I keep calling them to stay on top of it, but I just keep getting told that it's still in review and that I should have an answer by the 20th of December.  So, I don't know yet.  I sure hope I get approved.  I have been eating and eating lately.  (depressed)
Things are so so for me.  I really like our new little place, but we are having a really rough time finacially now.  Since we left the church my husband was pastoring for 5 years, we lost a bit of income from that and now we are even further out from his job so we are spending more money out in gas.  Plus, we have to pay some bills now that we didn't have to pay before when we lived in the churches parsonage.  A very nice older couple is letting us live in their cabin, but we have to pay electric, the phone bill and the Dish TV (they are on a contract with Dish, so they can't get rid of that bill for us).  See, I don't work, and we just live on what John was bringing in.  Now, the loss of the church income and the bills and more gas, we have been hit hard now.  I am trying to find a job, but no luck yet.  It is hard to get a job when you live out in nowhere and only small towns around.  I keep trying though.    With CHRISTmas coming fast, we are broke and I have no money to get my kids anything.  I have NEVER been here before.  We have always been able to get them gifts and have a fun CHRISTmas.  Don't know what to do, so I get depressed about it and eat.  I know, NOT good.  Trust me, I KNOW.

Oh, yeah, and my marriage is suffering because of me being depressed, too!!

That is where I am at.
Please keep me in your prayers,
Tari