Ok I am behind on updates... 3 weeks today update

Apr 14, 2009

   Ok I am totally a rule breaker by nature so I have to say I am really surprised that I thought I would be any different in this regard. I am supposed to be on a soft foods diet as of this week but as usual I have been breaking all the rules. It all started last week or so right before my second week follow up. I couldn't get enough protein is all I can figure so I was craving cheese burger like a dehydrated person craves water and this had been going on since day two out of the hospital. I was craving not only cheese burger but McDonalds cheese burger and pickle juice! To really explain the situation I never crave anything burger much less beef, I am allergic to beef! And pickle juice, really!? So this was so weird for me and I knew it was no good but it was my oassis craving for almost 2 weeks and I caved and it was sooo good at the moment. But now I realize that this was a really bad decision because I could have ended up with bowel obstuction or something which I am lucky didn't happen. That could have put me back in the hospital.

   Anyway I got my fix then went to the follow up and found out that was bad bad bad and have not had one since which was simple since I have not been wanting anymore. You would have thought after I was more educated about why I am not eating stuff yet I would do better. I sure did end up eating sushi  a couple days later though, not the rice, technicaly the sashimi really. This bit of cheating was so good but  really bad cause I had 6 sashimi peices or so and it sure did take me almost 3 days to eat 4 peices and made eating and drinking eveything else a real chore. Even though I chewed really well the fish kinda lingered in the little tummy for way too long and took up all the room! This made me realize if stuff is stuck in my little tummy its really hard to get my fluids also. You get one or the other, not both. There is only so much room in that little tummy and this includes room for water. So I decided to go back on soft foods like I was supposed to be on in the first place but somewhat reverted to the liquid diet to make up for the lost vitamins. I never did finish that sashimi. It had to be thrown out.  

   Well a coouple days ago I was up to my old habbits and breaking rules again! I went to Chili's with a friend and decided steak and portabello mushrooms fajita sounded so good and I sure did order it. I got a little plate and took some mushroom and green bell peper and onion, gave the rest to my friend who has been eating well thanks to me I might add, and had some bites then toped it with a spoon of salsa and thought yum yum. Until I realized that the mushroom doesn't break down when its cooked no matter how well you chew and it was stuck in my tummy and then my tummy contracted or something and I was all the sudden too nauseous and full to move. I then grabed a napkin and thought I was going to burp into it when my tummy apparently did the contracting and up came all my food. I threw up at the table!! All I could think was thank god there is such a small amount that it fits in the napkin just fine. OMG moment! I then threw up everything I drank after we got outside the restaurant with the rest of my food and was nauseous the whole next day throwing up 3 more times. Needles to say I am back on my soft foods mostly. The soft food have been kinder to me. The nausea has also since gone away again.

   I have found that I can eat fried food and starches just fine. Sugars can make me a little crampy in excess sush as a sweet tea, but its not bad. Still I don't crave them for the most part since the surgery anyway so its no problem not havng them. Mainly I can not do milk by itself cause it makes my heart race and makes me feel bad, but if it has protien in it via powder or whatever it is fine. I am also good with cheeses and have no dumping whatsoever to date.  Today I ate mostly greek yogurts and hummus, but I did get a sonic corn dog and ate half the fried cornbread then gave the rest of the corndog to my friend. 
  
   I have noticed my hardest thing is that I am a meal person more than a snacker and I am having to learn to snack often and get the meal out of mind cause at the 2 - 3 tablespoons I can fit in me its just not gonna happen. Not now anyway. I have also found I have no patience. I am totally a right now kinda person which I never realized before. When you're waiting to heal and all this is not the kind of person you want to be. Its not condusive to the healing process I have noticed. By the way as I mentioned before I sure did drink some pickle juice and that second week it was better than chocolate I was loving it so much, but I am over that now and not craving it any more. 

   Today I had a moment of enlightenment. I was thinking to myself how this maybe was not the best choice I ever made, due to the difficulty adjusting. I was thinking this as I was opening mail from the hospital. It was the bill and I saw that and had a come to Jesus moment after seeing the $44,000 stare at me from the page realizing I was blessed to not have to pay any of it out of pocket. Thoughts went straight from "what have I done.." to  "I may not like it now but I am gonna learn to love it!" In my suffering I had forgot how much I had wanted this and how much the money was a hurdle without my insurance and that I was lucky it was relatively easy to get approved.

   On that note I realize this was not easy and surgery sucks flat out no doubt about it. The adjustment has been somewhat brutal, but in the end every week has gotten easier and every week I feel a little better. I am learning to accept the gravity of the life decision I have made and realizing it has affected a lot more than what I expected or thought it would. I also keep talking to my friends that had it a year or more ago to find they went through the same thing. I know they are so happy now and I know that will be me as soon as I get over my short frustrations that pop up and linger sometimes.

   Good news is that I have lost 20 pounds!  That has kept me really going. I am losing a little slower than my friends did, but I was expecting that considering my thyroid and other hormone issues that caused the weight gain in the first place. Slow weight loss is better than no weight loss. I had a goal originally to lose 50 pounds by August and I am already almost halfway there and not even a month out so that part is fantastic!

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