Oct 04, 2007
Gotta find ways to keep busy and stay distracted, especially b/c when I get nervous, I eat. Uck.
Happy Dancin' Again
Sep 24, 2007
Happy dancin! Happy dancin! Happy dancin!
I've put myself on a official diet now for the next three weeks: 1 protein shake for breakfast, 1 protein shake for lunch, and one Healthy Choice meal for dessert. Snacks are either clear liquids or protein (if I'm ravenous). So far so good. My PCP also prescribed me Meridia to help control hunger. I pick that up from the pharmacy today. Hope it helps!
Goal? Lose maybe 10-12 lbs pre-op. I think I can do that.
I'm done I'm done I'm done I'm done I'm done!
Sep 19, 2007
Whoohooo! Happy Dancin' my way all the way to the doctor's office! I finished my 6 mos of WW! Yipppeedooo!!! I hated that last damn weigh-in because I've been pigging out like a madwoman this last week. Will I ever be able to break free of emotional eating? I sure hope so! I'm counting on this surgery to be the tool that yanks me back to sanity. Anyway, I'm now up to 307.6 . ACK! I know my PCP will be disappointed with me, but today is my last day to check in with her and have her write up a letter of medical necessity for surgery. Tomorrow I fax it all off to Barix! Yippee!
Every morning I wake up promising myself that I'll start a pre-op diet for real now that WW is over. I really do need to lose 15 lbs or so to make sure that the surgery can be done laproscopically. I do NOT want to be cut wide open. It's time for action. So why did I order a pizza last night and scarf down 4.5 pieces?
Sep 06, 2007
If they had a little yellow screaming icon, I'd add it here. AHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE
That's how I feel today. Like screaming my head off for the wait. I HATE waiting!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO NO NO NO NON O NONONONONONONONONONONO for the last freakin' time - this 6 mos of dieting is NOT flying by!!!!!!!!!!! I am trying. I really really am. But when you finally figure out what you want for the rest of your life, then of COURSE you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. I HATE WAITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want this so badly!
Aug 29, 2007
But in my heart, I know this is the right choice for me. I want this more than anything. It is my new dream. I flip through the before and after pictures, amazed at the life-changing physical differences and marvel at the emotional/psychological ones. For the first time in my life, I feel I deserve to be thin, happy and healthy, and I know it will happen for me!!! How incredibly exciting and liberating to know this WILL work! Diets were always such a gray, doubt-filled area... I knew I just wasn't strong enough to lose the 150lbs by myself.
Now I walk past the misses clothing stores and linger at the windows, scanning the racks for clothes I can't wait to pick out for myself. I've started planning new dreams and goals once I reach my healthy weight - I want to return to France to visit my dearly missed friends. I want to earn my Master Scuba Diver certification. I want to hike the Great Wall of China. I want to not flinch when I only find flimsy lawn chairs with handles at a friend's BBQ. I want a happy future FILLED with confidence! I want to grow the gumption to pursue my dream job of a travel journalist!
Only 4 weeks of WW weigh-ins left. This is so awesome! I started up at the gym again - 1 to 1.5 hours a day.... with a mix of cardio and strength training. So far, I'm sore but doing great! I want to walk into that operating room and make my surgeon proud.
Four months gone...
Jul 24, 2007
I finished mo. #4 of WW. The time isn't passing very quickly. I don't feel altogether optimistic today. I'm tired of waiting. Tired of being fat. Freaked that I still won't be approved. Reminded of all the times I have failed failed failed. But there is no other choice. No other alternative. So onward we go.
Halfway There????? Halfway There!!!!!!
Jun 20, 2007
Annnnnd, Barix Clinics called me yesterday to check in on how I was doing! The call came at the best time b/c I was suffering a mini-breakdown/crying fit. I was suddenly overwhelmed and scared that I won't be approved and if I am, that I won't be able to make the changes necessary to be successful after surgery... terrified of not getting what I want and terrified of getting it, but not being able to do it. Crazy, huh? (boohooed on the phone with my mom for 2 hours, too!)
My mom was just awesome on the phone. She listened to me panic over not being strong enough to finally lose the weight, not being successful at WLS, not getting approved, not ________(insert myriad of fears here)____. I am so thankful to have her love and support through this tremendous change.
I look at the calendar amazed that I have come so very very far on this journey. I remember starting the WW program waaay back in March and thinking that even hitting the halfway point would take forever. Now I'm here! Woweee!
I will make it!
Two down, four to go!
May 24, 2007
So then I called my surgeon's office and the nurse gave me the best pep talk! She said not to worry about weight loss - that Dr. Kam only wants us to lose like 5 or 10 lbs just to make the lap RNY easier to perform. She said they know dieting just doesnt work for WLS candidates. What a relief to know they UNDERSTAND! She said I was doing exactly what I should and to just hang in there... some people have to diet for a year. Wow, then I guess I am lucky.
In the meantime, a new furry baby is an official member of my family - little Nevada - rescued from the local Humane Society. She's a little chubbers, but we're working on that together.
One down, 5 to go!
Apr 12, 2007
Well, today mark's my one-month dieting check-in with my PCP... four weeks of Weight Watchers gone. Thank GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate this hate this hate this hate this hate this waiting. I really want to start looking my best NOW, not waiting 6 friggin months.
But I believe in myself and I believe in my goals.
So onward I plug, playing the game.
One month down, 5 months to go.
Unsuccessful Dieting Means....
Mar 26, 2007
I finally tracked down someone in the consult department at my insurance to clear up the whole gray area of "unsuccessful dieting." So, it looks like I have to purposely fail Weight Watchers because even a slight loss would equal "success." They said that if I lost a few lbs, they would take it into consideration b/c I've been morbidly obese my entire teenage and adult life.
So now it's wait. wait. wait. 6 months seems so long. But I need to learn patience, perseverance, and cumulative health. Soooo, it's off to another WW meeting Wednesday.