Oct 04, 2007

Nervous nervous nervous.  I've never been very good at waiting for something that's REALLY important to me.  But here I am, trying not to call Barix Clinics like a crazywoman.  They did confirm with me today that they submitted my paperwork to my insurance.  Stacey with Barix said it usually takes 2-6 weeks to have a response and that I'd probably hear from my insurance before Barix does... will probably receive a statement of approval or denial.

  Gotta find ways to keep busy and stay distracted, especially b/c when I get nervous, I eat.  Uck.


Happy Dancin' Again

Sep 24, 2007

  Oh yeah!  Doing the happy dance!  My 6 mos of required "unsuccessful" dieting is over!  I saw my PCP Thursday where she handed me her official letter of medical necessity/letter of recommendation for surgery.  (And she didn't say a word about my weight gain at all.)  I have all my weight charts, clinical notes, Weight Watchers Membership booklet and every other piece of paperwork required.  Tonight, I fax everything to Barix Clinics, who will in turn, submit everything to my insurance before the end of the week.  Whoohoo!!!!

Happy dancin! Happy dancin! Happy dancin! 

I've put myself on a official diet now for the next three weeks:  1 protein shake for breakfast, 1 protein shake for lunch, and one Healthy Choice meal for dessert.  Snacks are either clear liquids or protein (if I'm ravenous).  So far so good.  My PCP also prescribed me Meridia to help control hunger.  I pick that up from the pharmacy today.  Hope it helps!

Goal?  Lose maybe 10-12 lbs pre-op.  I think I can do that.


I'm done I'm done I'm done I'm done I'm done!

Sep 19, 2007

Whoohooo!  Happy Dancin' my way all the way to the doctor's office!  I finished my 6 mos of WW!  Yipppeedooo!!!  I hated that last damn weigh-in because I've been pigging out like a madwoman this last week.  Will I ever be able to break free of emotional eating?  I sure hope so!  I'm counting on this surgery to be the tool that yanks me back to sanity.  Anyway, I'm now up to 307.6 .   ACK!  I know my PCP will be disappointed with me, but today is my last day to check in with her and have her write up a letter of medical necessity for surgery.  Tomorrow I fax it all off to Barix!  Yippee!

Every morning I wake up promising myself that I'll start a pre-op diet for real now that WW is over.  I really do need to lose 15 lbs or so to make sure that the surgery can be done laproscopically.  I do NOT want to be cut wide open.  It's time for action.  So why did I order a pizza last night and scarf down 4.5 pieces?  



Sep 06, 2007


That's how I feel today.  Like screaming my head off for the wait.  I HATE waiting!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO NO NO NO NON O NONONONONONONONONONONO for the last freakin' time - this 6 mos of dieting is NOT flying by!!!!!!!!!!!  I am trying.  I really really am.  But when you finally figure out what you want for the rest of your life, then of COURSE you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.  I HATE WAITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ui ahdjgierhguoaerfrenaiofgeraihgerioangverioajhpi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want this so badly!

Aug 29, 2007

Here I am, only 4 weeks of WW left and I want this surgery now more than ever.  Some days I get scared at the realization that for the very first time I will be going under the knife - GULP! I know my body "works" right now; my digestive system is whole, intact, without complications.  So I do worry about messing with a good thing and developing problems post-op.  But then I remind myself of my morbidly obese future and all the disease I'm facing if I don't do this. I think it's normal to be afraid and I accept those moments of doubt.

But in my heart, I know this is the right choice for me.  I want this more than anything.  It is my new dream.  I flip through the before and after pictures, amazed at the life-changing physical differences and marvel at the emotional/psychological ones.  For the first time in my life, I feel I deserve to be thin, happy and healthy, and I know it will happen for me!!!  How incredibly exciting and liberating to know this WILL work!  Diets were always such a gray, doubt-filled area... I knew I just wasn't strong enough to lose the 150lbs by myself.

Now I walk past the misses clothing stores and linger at the windows, scanning the racks for clothes I can't wait to pick out for myself.  I've started planning new dreams and goals once I reach my healthy weight - I want to return to France to visit my dearly missed friends.  I want to earn my Master Scuba Diver certification.  I want to hike the Great Wall of China.  I want to not flinch when I only find flimsy lawn chairs with handles at a friend's BBQ.  I want a happy future FILLED with confidence!  I want to grow the gumption to pursue my dream job of a travel journalist!

Only 4 weeks of WW weigh-ins left.  This is so awesome!  I started up at the gym again - 1 to 1.5 hours a day.... with a mix of cardio and strength training.  So far, I'm sore but doing great!  I want to walk into that operating room and make my surgeon proud.


Four months gone...

Jul 24, 2007

Forgot to update...

I finished mo. #4 of WW.  The time isn't passing very quickly.  I don't feel altogether optimistic today.  I'm tired of waiting.  Tired of being fat.  Freaked that I still won't be approved.  Reminded of all the times I have failed failed failed.  But there is no other choice.  No other alternative.  So onward we go.


Halfway There????? Halfway There!!!!!!

Jun 20, 2007

Holy moly schmoly cannoli cow!  I actually hit the halfway mark on my 6 mos of dieting - NEVER thought I'd get here... NEVER thought the time would pass... NEVER knew I had the courage and tenacity to go to Weight Watchers week after week for those damn little stamps!!!

Annnnnd, Barix Clinics called me yesterday to check in on how I was doing!  The call came at the best time b/c I was suffering a mini-breakdown/crying fit.  I was suddenly overwhelmed and scared that I won't be approved and if I am, that I won't be able to make the changes necessary to be successful after surgery... terrified of not getting what I want and terrified of getting it, but not being able to do it.  Crazy, huh? (boohooed on the phone with my mom for 2 hours, too!)

My mom was just awesome on the phone.  She listened to me panic over not being strong enough to finally lose the weight, not being successful at WLS, not getting approved, not ________(insert myriad of fears here)____.  I am so thankful to have her love and support through this tremendous change.

I look at the calendar amazed that I have come so very very far on this journey.  I remember starting the WW program waaay back in March and thinking that even hitting the halfway point would take forever.  Now I'm here! Woweee!

I will make it!


Two down, four to go!

May 24, 2007

Well, this past week marks my second month of unsuccessful dieting.  BLAH!  It sucks, as always.  I called my insurance again just to see if i would get a different story on what they meant by "unsuccessful dieting."  But no one would give me an answer.  They just said to follow my program, submit my paperwork and then they would see.  So apparently the decision for my surgery is up to the discretion of someone's opinion on whether or not I was "successful" enough. 


So then I called my surgeon's office and the nurse gave me the best pep talk!  She said not to worry about weight loss - that Dr. Kam only wants us to lose like 5 or 10 lbs just to make the lap RNY easier to perform.  She said they know dieting just doesnt work for WLS candidates.  What a relief to know they UNDERSTAND!  She said I was doing exactly what I should and to just hang in there... some people have to diet for a year.  Wow, then I guess I am lucky.

In the meantime, a new furry baby is an official member of my family - little Nevada - rescued from the local Humane Society.  She's a little chubbers, but we're working on that together.


One down, 5 to go!

Apr 12, 2007

Well, today mark's my one-month dieting check-in with my PCP...  four weeks of Weight Watchers gone.  Thank GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate this hate this hate this hate this hate this waiting.  I really want to start looking my best NOW, not waiting 6 friggin months.

But I believe in myself and I believe in my goals.  

So onward I plug, playing the game.

One month down, 5 months to go.

Unsuccessful Dieting Means....

Mar 26, 2007

"maintaining a weight classified as "morbidly obese" or gaining weight despite adhering to a weight loss program for 6 months."

I finally tracked down someone in the consult department at my insurance to clear up the whole gray area of "unsuccessful dieting."  So, it looks like I have to purposely fail Weight Watchers because even a slight loss would equal "success."  They said that if I lost a few lbs, they would take it into consideration b/c I've been morbidly obese my entire teenage and adult life.

So now it's wait. wait. wait.  6 months seems so long.  But I need to learn patience, perseverance, and cumulative health.  Soooo, it's off to another WW meeting Wednesday.

About Me
Surgery Date
Jan 16, 2007
Member Since

Friends 31

Latest Blog 16
Happy Dancin' Again
I'm done I'm done I'm done I'm done I'm done!
I want this so badly!
Four months gone...
Halfway There????? Halfway There!!!!!!
Two down, four to go!
One down, 5 to go!
Unsuccessful Dieting Means....