Pixie Dusting
Less than one month before my surgery. I'm so excited and scared. Excited that I can finally get this excess weight off and scared because I don't want to fail.
My story begins 10-years ago, I was pregnant. It was an exciting time for me and my husband. I put on 100 pounds, grant it I did retain a lot of water. I lost about 60 pound within weeks so I think I gained 40 pounds of real pregnancy weight. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl almost weighing 10 pounds - naturally with the epidural (I'm not totally nuts). The pregnancy wasn't easy (high blood pressure, bleeding during the first trimester, etc.), the delivery was hard. Needless to say I was scared to have any more children. I had my little princess and that was enough for me.
I was so determined to take the weight off; I went for my 6 week postnatal appointment. Everything was fine, so I started working out like a maniac, I only had 5 months to succeed (didn't get the year off as what is allowed now). I almost lost all the weight, enough to get back into my clothes.
So went back to work and started applying for various jobs within the Company, I switched 4 jobs within 2 years; all were advancements with more work and responsibilities. I also decided to take some night courses. Looking back now, I think I it was totally crazy, my husband kept warning me, but I was so determined, I believe that's why some of my friends call me an overachiever and perfectionist (which confuses me, if I was really an overachiever and perfectionist, my looks should be flawless as well). With all the changes in my life, the stress just kept on increasing and with that increasing so did my weight. I'm not just saying 1-2 pounds a months; I mean I could put on 10 pounds on a good weekend. At first it didn't really bother me, and then I noticed my clothes were fitting poorly and I was starting to feel uncomfortable. Some of my friends commented rather politely but I believe I was in denial, I remember when I was talking about another woman in my office that had put on weight, my girlfriend told me that we were about the same weight and I just was appalled – I thought she was nuts and I felt hurt.
Soon I just kept buying new clothes, every few months my clothing sizes kept increasing, I decided to try Dr. Bernstein in 2003, and I successfully lost 55 pounds. It was quite enough but I was able to shop at regular women’s shops. And I also quit smoking, and within a year I put the 55 pound on plus more. I again tried Dr. B. in 2004 but just couldn’t stick to it, extremely expensive and you’re constantly starving.
The real setback, after my 40th Birthday, my knees started really hurting. I kept thinking that it was probably a pulled muscle and I would feel better in a couple of days. Well days turned into weeks and it got to the point where I just couldn’t walk. I went to go see my doctor and got x-rays and ultrasounds, she finally referred me to a Rheumatoid Specialist and Orthopedic Surgeon. After more x-rays, ultrasounds, cortisone shots and various medication changes, I’m feeling better but not great. I still can’t walk long distances, climb stairs and run or walk on the treadmill and I’m too young (I’m usually not referred to that) for knee replacements.
Then in 2006 I tried Jenny Craig, I lost about 20 pounds and got tired of the food and quit – so much for that.
We planned on taking a trip in January 2007, so off to Weight Watchers I went and lost 20 pounds and gained most of it back on my trip. Then my blood pressure became an issue, I kept telling my doctor that I would really try to lose weight but I really didn’t want more medication.
Along the way, I really started losing my confidence, I didn’t want to go anywhere, and I was too embarrassed. A few people that I hadn’t seen in awhile actually asked me – “what happened to you” or they would be at my house and would be totally shocked that – the woman in the photo in the wedding dress was me. I’ve always weighed between 120 – 140 pounds; to now weigh 240 pounds is horrific to me. My husband is wonderful and has been so supportive and I sometimes wonder – wow he must really love me, because I’m surely not the woman he married, and even I find myself repulsive. I have been told that even though I’m heavy I carry myself well, - that’s because I spend a lot of time and money on my wardrobe, I try to find clothes that hide my imperfections or at least give the illusion. I think I did a pretty good job, I asked my girlfriend the other day, “be honest and tell me how much I weigh and she said 190 and I told her the truth, she couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t believe I actually said my weight out loud. Ultimately I try to do my best with what I have. I get my hair and nails done and try to look fashionable.
Then I finally made a decision in February 2007, I was looking into the lap band, I told my husband's cousin, and she actually went to a consult. She was totally freaked out by it, she demanded to see the apparatus, which they were hesitate to do and she said it was large, there were patients in the waiting room who were burping and the cost would be approximately $18,000 (paid by the patient), well I was turned off by the whole thing so I started looking into Gastric Bypass. I researched the internet and read Diminishing Dawn’s blog. I cried while I was reading it and then I contacted her. She has been my inspiration and her blog is so detailed and wonderful. She had her surgery in the due to the waiting time, so I was prepared to do the same. I got all my paper work in order, put it all in a folder and went to see my doctor on February 6, 2007. Keep in mind that last year it was noted that in Canada there was a 2 year waiting period for Gastric Bypass and I wasn’t about to wait that long. Had my appointment with my doctor, took her the “Out of Country OHIP” Form to sign off and explained to her all the justifications to support this surgery, at the end she refused, she did not feel comfortable for me to go to the USA in case of complications., she said she needed some time to look over the papers and in the mean time she wanted to do some research. To say the least I was absolutely devastated.
I went to see my family doctor again and she wanted to call doctors in the
And that's how it all got started.
