It's been 15 months

Jul 23, 2009

I have been stuck here between 182-192 lbs for the past 6 months, yo-yoing up and down and staying mainly around 185.  It has been frustrating wanting to get to goal.  I have tried keeping the carbs out of my life, keeping the protein up and it seems it just doens't matter what I do I am sitting here.  I started drinking protein shakes again this past Sunday, because I was swollen terribly in my face and legs.  The swelling is gone today but the weight is still not moving.  I can't even describe my feelings about this.  I think at it's worst I feel like I have been given the platinum of surgeries and I have failed with the best.  At its best I am grateful for the success I have and am determined to live every day to its fullest.  Most of the time I hang in between in that limbo land of frustration and despair.  So I am making an effort to move on with my life, be happy and see where this surgery takes me.  I know that normal people have to make lifetime changes for their health.  So in that vein, I am just looking at the shakes as a part of my life and staying locarb as my existence - good thing about keeping the shakes in my body is that the carb cravings are satisfied with so little.  I made a homemade carrot cake last night with real cream cheese icing and was happy with just 4 bites.  That is not me, I am a member of the clean plate club.  I am very happy with this new idea of stopping when I am satisfied and I truly feel that keeping the protein drinks in my life gives me that ability.  We will see where the next few months takes me but, keeping away from depression will be key.  Staying connected with the board and with people in general will help.  So, I wanna be upbeat but can't really keep the disappointment out of my head.

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