38 days and counting...

May 16, 2011

Ok, so writing is suppose to help the brain.  I hope it can help me calm down.  I'm not even CLOSE to my surgery date yet and I'm already nervous.  My doctor and the books I've been reading said that doing this is like losing a friend.  I never understood what that meant...until the other day.  I went grocery shopping and almost had a meltdown.  I was looking at food as though I was losing it for life.  Well, I suppose some food I am.  I got all upset an almost started crying.  41 and wanting to cry over food.  Sigh.

Well, I made it through that.  I bought a delicious looking piece of cake; marble cake with strawberry whipped frosting.  I was so excited.  I was like...well, better enjoy it now...won't be able to later.  Well, I took one bite and realized it didn't taste very good.  Apparently my body is more prepared than my brain is.  I've also noticed I'm eating smaller portions, stopped caffeine, trying to stop sodas now.  There are a few things I have to work on:  taking my time while eating and not drinking while eating.  I usually don't have much time for lunch so I inhale my food.  Then I realized that drinking (even just water) while eating is such a habit.  Tonight I went dinner without drinking my water.  It was actually painful.  Ugh.

Ok, so things on here seem pretty negative.  I still believe I have made the right decision.  My knees are crapping out on me as well as my ankles.  I have to do this for me...otherwise I could end up in a wheelchair before I'm 50.  So...onward. 

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