WannaBFit71
Sat. 1/30/10 (Day 14!)
Jan 30, 2010
Hello :)This week has been pretty good. I don't know why I didn't journal, but here I am anyway!
I have lost 3/4 of an in. on my neck. Didn't measure anywhere else but my forearm (I think!) I don't know how much weight I have lost, but I do know this: my underwear is larger now. I can pull it up so high and roll it down so it wont be too baggy under my pants. My pants are feeling looser, my shirts are too, although not that much. The steering wheel doesn't rub against my stomach, either! This makes me feel really happy! I check my whole body every night and morning in front of the mirrow. My Panniculus (ew) is rising higher. I have to acknowledge that because I tend to forget how big it was (and of course, still is.) It is so when I hold my stomach in, I can see my (forgive me, but here it is in it's full candid ugliness) cooter "puff". What I mean by that is that even THERE there is a fat roll...at least it can be seen in the mirror now and not completely concealed. Yeah! (yeah?!)
I believe I am shrinking my internal stomach by eating much smaller portions. I am still eating more than I need to, and surely more than I will be able to after surgery, however, it feels really good to actually see evidence that the small steps I'm taking are working and I'm moving forward.
I hope to hear from the WLS/CC docs in the mail this week. Supposed to get a date in the mail when I go see the NUT and Psych and maybe a one on one with the surgeon.
I had both parts of my stress test done. I am a little concerned in that Friday the doctor's office called my home twice, but I was at work. I want to know what they have to say...why did they call the DAY AFTER. Is there something alarming found? If there was, wouldn't they have called me at work or on my cell phone, too? Their number is on my caller ID twice...so...all I can do is wait until Monday, however, I do notice that I have a pressure around my heart and I don't know if it's serious or not. I don't know if it's anxiety or stress or much worse. Praying I'm okay, and praying that if something is wrong, that it can be fixed and that having this surgery may help improve my heart health immediately. For this reason I really have hopes, and a feeling, that I may be able to be having surgery by March or April at the latest....we'll see!! It's okay if I'm wrong. I put it on here to see...the gut feeling is strong. I have prayed to God that if it is NOT His will for me to have this, that something will get in the way (save my death!) And if it IS His will, that all goes well with smooth sailing.
I am tickled that I'm feeling differences in my body. I find my body to be a very fastinating thing!! An amazing creation!! I am so blessed and grateful that everything in my body works just as it should, and that I've got all my fingers and toes, etc. I'll update about my heart health as soon as I hear anything.
I am finding that I'm beginning to think that maybe before the end of the year, I could be at least 100 lbs lighter.
I have looked online at some clothes, then I got stuck on girdles!
I wonder if girdles will help hold in excess skin, and maybe then, that can help it shrink?
The fat on my stomach (Panniculus) is so big. I can honestly see that if I don't do something, I will end up being like one of those poor women I've seen, where their pani hangs clear down to their knees. I don't want that to happen. I don't want to BE that person. Not that anyone does...and I'm not BETTER than anyone else who deals with that, but I really don't think I will escape that if I just keep doing/living (not living) how I have been for so long.
I can ONLY imagine being able to dress as I'd like to. I am artsy and classic. It's weird. I would love to wear skirts every single day!!! I want to feel feminine and get all the pleasures that being a girl in America affords....pretty clothes, pretty nails, pretty hairstyle, pretty makeup...and so much more energy. I had so much to do today in a short time...I really DID take less time in the store AND I wasn't totally sweating in my private areas, and wasn't too tired to take the cart back to the cart corral, wasn't having it take everything out of me to just get to my seat....(although I did shop in about 2/3 less the time...I had a list and a time limit!)
I'm gonna end here for now...I have a phone call :) Here's to moving forward...
