I am now 9 months post op. I am going to try to do an entry at least once a month for 2010. So here goes entry number 2!!
I am 221 lbs today but I waver between 225 and 221. Depends really on the time of day and the mood as to where I weigh for that day.
I have updated my "writen journal" titled Along the weigh. I have the PDF of this journal that I received from one of my online support groups if anyone would like it PM me with an email addy and I will be happy to share it. It is like 150 pages long and has pre and post surgery info, feelings, thoughts, diet past exercise attempts. All stuff most of us have journaled online, but I wanted a written copy as well for my family. And I can put alot more things on paper when I know noone but me and my family will read it. LOL
Well all that aside, I started my journey at the feather light weight of 368.7 lbs. I remember being 303. That was three days before I gave birth to my son in 2002. After that I kinda shut off my weight sensor. I knew I was buying bigger clothes but refused to acknowledge the actually number on the scale. I know when I cried myself to sleep I cried grease.
I don't miss that person, but I will never forget her. I am still obese, I still qualify for surgery, but I am 147 lbs lighter now. WOW 147 lbs. that really puts in into perspective. I have lost the equivilant of a 5'6" woman. AND I AM STILL FAT!!! I feel better, and more confident. MORE everything. But I have a long way to go. I really only have another 21 lbs. to go til my own goal, but I have a life time of accepting the body of me..
People say OMG you have to feel better, and don't get me wrong, I DO, but when I look in the mirror I still see "me". The same me I have always seen. Not fat, not thin, not ugly, not pretty....just....me. The person I am and always have been. People never could ignore me. I refused to allow that to happen, but they look at me different now. I am still me people. I have the same loud, opinionated "look at me" personality, but I guess in a smaller frame I am more accepted. I hate that, I accept it, but hate it still.
So enough about the blah blah blah...I am getting healthy. I exercise...wait...currently I am on medical restrictions which prevent the gym but that won't last forever. ..I was until I got hurt.. there everyday. I miss it (cannot believe I just said i miss the gym ) I am actively enjoying being a mom. I am in cubscouts with my son and planning things I never would have considered last year. I can't wait til it warms up so I can go to Cedar Point and actually ride the rides not hold everybodies shit while they ride!!!!
Bring on the summer! Winter sucks and I need to get out of pain, I wonder if this pain in my back has a lot to do with the cold weather! I live in Ohio I should be used to it. I HATE IT!! I bought my first dress in ohh lets see, EVER. The last dress I owned my mom bought me in elementary school. I wore pants for my wedding! Black slacks with a beautiful white sequined top. Matching head piece. BUT NO DRESS!!
ok I need to shut up! tIL NEXT MONTH!