Waterwench

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2013 has been a tough year. I slipped and fell on the ice last winter and severely injured my back, requiring physical therapy for months, among other treatments. I am finally past the chronic pain aspect, but the lack of activity and the depression brought on by the pain and the inability to run did cause me to revert to some of my compulsive overeating behaviors.

I am back on track, keeping my diet journal and whittling away at my running goals. I've lost my speed, but my mileage is back up. If I keep this up for the rest of the month, my 2013 miles will be 2,800!

Plus I have decided that 2014 will be the year I get rid of the extra skin. I am having a tummy tuck, lower body lift, and inner thigh lift in February. It will be so liberating to be able to run without as much distracting JIGGLING that usually goes on with me! I am excited.

I have been using this blog to track my weight loss achievements and struggles over the last 2 1/2 years, as well as my rebirth through physical fitness. I am really proud of what I have accomplished. I am planning my first marathon for next year, in honor of my mother, who passed away in 2007. But apparently my desire to follow a healthy lifestyle strikes some people as obsessive and irritating.

I never claimed to be perfect, but I have found it therapeutic to visit ObesityHelp to blog about my journey towards health and to try to support other people who are on a similar journey.

I don't appreciate being attacked for my opinions about the root cause of obesity in our country today. I am a healthcare professional, and I do not believe that morbid obesity is caused by inborn metabolic disorders in the majority of cases. Some people may take a very defensive posture about my opinion.

The current scientific research cannot show a causal relationship between a defective metabolism and each and every case of morbid obesity out there, or even in the majority of cases. 65% of American adults are overweight or obese and it is certainly not because of inherited metabolic disorders. Thyroid and other endocrine levels are often normal in obese people. But research has shown that a high calorie, high fat diet combined with a sedentary lifestyle leads to predictable weight gain, along with obesity-associated health problems like diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, and stroke.

Someone pointed out rather snidely that if I was so smart, why did I need to have weight loss surgery in the first place? Well, the answer is simple. The reason why people who possess the knowledge of how to lose weight (i.e. eat less, exercise more) are still trapped by obesity is because there is a huge difference between knowing something and putting it into practice, especially in the face of years of ingrained unhealthy eating habits, family pressures, fear of deprivation, and the bingeing and self-hatred and guilt that people feel as a result. That is one reason surgery is called a weight loss tool and weight loss and maintenance a journey rather than a destination. It is a process, a transformation of the way we approach and think about food, and the way we feel about our bodies.

My own struggle with an unhealthy relationship to food--using it for many years as a comfort and coping strategy rather than as fuel--has given me some insight and made me a stronger person. I have literally turned off my brain and mindlessly munched my way through large volumes of chips, ice cream, popcorn, or any other snack food you can name. I have snapped into self-awareness as I made a beeline to the freezer after bad news or a stressful argument--surprised as heck because the response was so automatic. I myself have never had a documented metabolic disorder. 

Perhaps I have generalized my experience to other people, but if one doesn't agree one can certainly tell me so in a polite and civilized manner, or simply block or ignore me. We are not vicious animals, and I do not believe that human nature allows one to rip apart another person because they have a differing point of view. Good manners are free, as my grandmother used to say.

I feel healthy and strong in my body, despite what one poster insinuated--that I was dwindling away into nothing because of my obsessive food control--and though I do use a diet journal regularly to help keep me on track, I eat about 2,000 calories of high-quality food per day. It's quite a sufficient amount to support and nourish my body and help me add muscle as I use up fat. I did eat a very low calorie diet for the first year or so after surgery, which is the usual recommendation to help quickly reduce the risks of obesity-related health problems by getting the weight off as fast as possible. But of course that did not continue indefinitely.

Having weight loss surgery was the right choice for me, but it is only one component of my journey toward health and fitness. Right now I am horribly wearied by the the insults, the lack of tact and maturity, and the petty, vicious backbiting I have seen here in the last few days. Initially I changed my blog from private to public because I wanted others to be able to read about things I learned over the last several years, as I went from a size 26 to a size 6. However, given that others have researched me on the board and scrutinized my weight loss journey to look for flaws in it, I have serious doubts about continuing as a public blog.

Finding the TIME to exercise now that I am orienting for a new job, which involves 12-hour shifts, has been difficult these last couple of weeks.

I am still adjusting to my new schedule, and don't feel I am getting enough sleep, so that I not only don't have the energy to run after work--when I get home at 8pm!--but I also have to practically wedge myself out of bed or off the sofa with a spatula the next day! I know that if I just get out the door and get moving, I will feel better, but it is hard to do! Last week, for the first time, I didn't make my distance goals for running. I only ran 12 miles instead of 17. So I am doing the mileage build-up MULLIGAN and trying to meet my goals this week. What else can I do? I'm certainly not giving up!

I did map out a 1.19 mile course near my home which allows me to do distance while staying in my neighborhood. If I start from home and do 4 laps, it actually comes out to just over 5 miles. And I keep it from getting monotonous by running the lap first one direction, then turning around at the end of the lap and going back the way I came, instead of running the endless loop over again. That way I get some variety and it changes up the work-out. Thank goodness for my Zune! I don't know how people run without music!

The weather is cold and rainy out there, but I soon warm up when I run. The cold wind actually becomes a refreshing breeze when you're heated with exercise. I still have a salad almost every day for lunch, and it makes me feel good. My new goal is to get from 28% bodyfat to 24% by next June, but I'm not sure that's altogether realistic. Well, I can only try. I feel like my mom would have been proud of my success in regaining my health, if only she were here today. As the veil between the worlds gets thinner towards Hallowe'en, I really do sense she approves and supports me just as she did in life. I sure do miss her.