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Ok I am ahead of schedule on my goals. I wanted to be down 100lbs a year from my inital consult which would be Aug 23. Well I have hit that goal. I am down to 257 YAY! I would hope to be down a 100lbs from surgery but that may be too much pressure. So I leave my goals the way they are. But I will tell you how much I weigh on that day. This has got me a bit out of my rut but I still need to adjust my life so that the sadness goes away. I know what I need to do and I am setting down that path. I just needed a wake up call to stop bull shitting. Thanks to those who read my blogs and offer me so much support, it's really appreciated.

I am hoping that typing this out will help how I'm feeling right now. I have been crying for no reason...at least not one that I can pin point at this moment. I guess I just feel out of place. I am originally from Chicago and I guess I feel like I miss my friends sometimes but deep down I don't think that's it. Yeah I miss it but I don't think there is anything left there for me. I had a lot of friends and people who always kept in touch now don't. I don't have that many friends out here in Arizona as I did back there but I don't think that bothers me so much. School is so screwed up right now, I have to totally change my gameplan this semester so that threw me off. I just don't know where I fit in. I still don't feel like Glendale/Phoenix is my home. Oh and I am in debt and I see that never ending. And guess what through all of this I don't have my most reliable crutch....FOOD! Maybe that's where the tears are coming from. I could barely read to my son yesterday because I was crying. It's getting depressing. I don't have a large family so I got no where to run and hide or seek help. I do however have the four most important people in the world living with me, my son, my husband and my parents. Without them I think I would be having a nervous breakdown but I don't know why that's not enough right now. Where the hell does Julie belong?!

Hello everyone! I woke up to this amazing off key little voice singing happy birthday to me. It was the best way to wake up this morning and it's been great. These past couple of days I have gone to the spa and had a massage and got a pedicure...things I wouldn't have done pre-op. I feel so happy and relaxed and I hope I can continue to enjoy the positive energy I have gotten since surgery.I did reach my goal for my birthday which was 275 and exceeded by one pound Yay!. I just wanted to share how happy I am. I haven't felt this girly in a long time. I hid behind jeans and hoodies for way too long. Anyway peace love and happy fourth of July!

It's been almost a month since my last post. Let's see protein is still the most challenging, I am doing better at my vitamins, I get my water in most of the time and I have been excerising. My hair is till coming out pretty badly and that makes me sad. But otherwise I have no complaints. I am trying to do what I need to do to make this a success and it has be a trip getting there. I am not a model WLS patient but I am a work in progress. I have loss 54 lbs since surgery and I am really happy about that. I see the scale move but it's still not easy to get rid of that 54 when looking in the mirror. I think I am a slow loser compared to others I read about. Makes me a little disappointed but I try to stay positive and tell myself things will happen when it's suppose to. I could still be 357lbs??? So I won't complain too much about losing slowly. I just want to get as much off as I possibly can before the "honeymoon" phase is over with you know? My birthday is coming up and I am so excited to be going for a massage, something I would have never done before but I want to do something different for my bday. Things are so weird when you can't revolve your life around food. 

My potassium was super low and I had to take liquid potassium.....THIS IS SOMETHING YOU WANT TO AVOID!!! It is disgusting. I never got any down because I kept vomiting it up. Maybe if I were a bit more dilagent with my vitamins it may not have happened but who knows. I was having some numbness and swelling in my left leg. My docs office hasn't made a big deal about it so I am hoping it will go away or I'll have to get a bit more proactive with their office. It's doesn't bother me but I know the issue is there. I don't think I will meet my goal of 275 for my birthday which is a little over a week away but I will keep you posted. I think I will be soooo happy if I can master this whole protein thing. Who knew it would be such a pain to get in. Well Chow!

Ok I am going out with a freind today. I don't get out often so I try to buy something nice to wear when an "event" comes up. Well yesterday my mom and I went to a clothing store so I could find an outfit. After trying on half the store it just felt like nothing fit right. Even down a size smaller I was sooooo picky. I just felt overly large in EVERYTHING! I was so excited to go shopping knowing that I could possibly a size smaller. What is wrong with me? And on top of that my hair is coming out by the hand fulls. I am so depressed at this moment. My super thick hair is thinning out and I don't know what to do. My husband is no help. I am actually finding him annoying right now because he just doesn't understand what I am going through. Hopefully my comedy show tonight will help me laugh off some of this stress and sad behavior. I'm sure I am the only one out there on OH who feels confused and "unpretty" about being a size smaller. I look in the mirror and I don't see a change. Am I just being greedy? Is my 40+ weight loss just not enough? Maybe I am just in a bad mood. Oh well......

I ordered my scrubs today at school and they were suppose to bring a sample of 3X Dickie scrubs, well they only brought up to a 2X. I tried them on anyway thinking I would need at least a 3 if not a 4X. I was so shocked. It fit comfortably. I could sit and even squat in them. But the big girl in me ordered a 3 anyway. I am use to wearing my clothes baggy so I guess I couldn't really except that a 2 was enough. But it was a great feeling. This from someone about 2 years ago couldn't even fit into Dickie scrubs. Yay!

I weigh 299.5!!! I am under 300lbs! I haven't been here in a really long time. YAY!

Ok I have been in total denial since last week. I was hoping to be under 300lbs by my 6th week. Well I have been flirting with the scale between 303 and 300. It is now week 7 and the scale has not moved. OMG I have hit a plateau! I am not to upset about it. I know some people go in a panic when they hit that first plateau but for some sick reason I am ok with it. I do wish it had stalled at 299 though :-). I know I have to really start working out and get more protein in. I am doing a lot better than I was the past few weeks. I am getting more water in and I don't get nausea nearly as much. I am still tweeking my vitamin regime to things I can stomach. I have found a great group of people to whine to about my issue in a support group. I have gotten so much information and feedback and tips that I feel like it's like taking a class. I am excited to get back in the gym. Water aerobics and treadmil here I come. I started school today and it was a bit overwhelming but it will be nice to get back into a routine. I am still have trouble getting protien in because I just can't eat enough so I am trying different ways to mix the New Whey in with my drinks. I know the protien will help get me over this stall as well as help me keep my hair :-D. I just want to get stronger and begin to conquer my quest for a healthier me and stop letting it control me. I was down in the dumps for a minute there and although the question of "what have I done to myself?" crossed my mind on numerous occasions I never once would change what I did. I just knew I had to find a way to "follow the plan". If your pre-op and haven't gone to a support group meeting you should. I don't think I would have made it through without them and I wished someone had told me to go before I had surgery. But this whole thing is definitely a learning experience. Anywho I guess I can't update any of my weights or goals but it's ok it will happen when it happens.

Ok I said I would update my blog every two weeks but I feel so bad right now I just had to vent somewhere. I am so tired lately I can't even get out of bed. I can't eat because I feel nausea. I don't know what to do. Well I guess I do. I haven't been taking my vitamins the way I should but I have been really trying to get my water in and have been using some of the suggestions that were given in my group. I feel like they were a life saver. I really need more help and guidance other than what my surgeons office is providing. When I do eat an "approved" food it comes back up but when I just eat what's around (with caution) it stays down fine. I don't want to make myself sick so I need to get it together. I did know about all this hard work right???? PULL IT TOGETHER!  Why can't I do this? Well today I have started off with baby steps. I had my New Whey protein mixed with water. It went down ok. I have taken most of my vitamins so far and will remember to do so today. The calcium is a bit hard. I really like the ones someone brought to the support group but I could only find the chocolate version online YUCK! Hopefully they are just out of stock. Well that's my rant for now. See ya in a week unless something crazy happens and lets ope it doesn't.

I can't believe I am roughly a month out. It has been amazing and a little bumpy so far. I have lost 22lbs since the day of surgery.  My BMI is just below 50. I am feeling so much more confident in myself. I have worn skirts and dresses that I have refused to wear before.  I am so excited. This journey is just beginning and I hope it continues to stay positive. I am anxious to meet my goal of being under 300lbs...just 13lbs to go. My food issues are a bit at ease only because I still pinch off food that I am not suppse to to satisfy my itch. I'm working on it. It's not nearly as bad as it was the second week. I know it's hard when people say it will get better with time but it will. I will be starting school in a couple of weeks and I am excited. I just need to get back on a regular schedule. Well I have another post op education class on May 5th, I am hoping to get some good info out of it. I have been walking but I am getting bored with that. Not sure if I can sign up at the gym just yet, money is a little tight. I still dont really have an appettie but I try to get something in. I have puked several more times since the first. I have actually puked up on approved foods rather than food that are off limits....weird. So I just drink my water and eat my sf popsicles. Well I think that's it. I am feeling great! Just ready to get back to the real world.

~*HUGS*~
Julie