Winniewon2001

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Well, this experience has been an amazing journey -more like a roller coaster ride -and I'm not so fond of them.  There has been much more emotional work to deal with than I had expected.  I did know that there were many emo factors or 'reasons, functions' involved in my being fat.  I had buried memories literally STUFFED DOWN with food.  I have been referring to the fat as my "Soft Armour".  It kept people out -men and women- I could hide behind my fat and use it for all kinds of excuses.  I did not, however, expect to have actual FLASHBACKS to painful childhood memories which really sent me wreeling.  I've been using professional help for that.
Happily, I am more comfortable in my own skin than I have ever been in my life. I am now down to around 140 (-92 lbs since surgery, 142 lbs total loss).  It will be 9 months out on July 10th so I am very  pleased with my progress.  I find myself standing in front of the mirror undressed, and while I like very much what I see, I often I gather the extra skin together and imagine what I would (hopefully WILL) look like after  plastic surgery to remove all the excess wrinkly skin.  I love trying on new clothes and am still surprized when I get into those lower size numbers like 7 & 8. A year ago I was wearing 24/26/28. It's AMAZING!! The large amount of excess skin at my lower abd and batwings are an obstacle to wearing items that would fit or look nicer.  I hope I will be able to finance that when the time comes. I look forward to getting evaluated by a PS even though it's nowhere near time to think of that. So, all is well, I am thrilled with my body and health and am so glad I got the WLS.
Blessings and Best Wishes to all.  Sorry for not updating very often.
Will upload new pics soon. ~Winnie

It was a REALLY beautiful day in my area today, 60+ degrees.  My dog and I went for a cruise along the river.  I rode my bicycle for the first time since November and she ran along.  We went about 10 miles.  I was pleasantly surprised at how much further and faster I could go since the last ride.  The smell of the river, the sunshine and the wind were wonderful.  My dog jumped into the canal a couple of times for a drink and cool-off and we had a great time.  One of the reasons I love to exercise outdoors is that my dog and I get play and bonding time.  It is so amazing to look down and see her smiling face galloping along side of me.  She's the coolest dog.  I'm so grateful that I can give her more activity now that I'm not so couped up.  I can't wait for spring!!  I have been in a balanced place mood-wise for several weeks now and feel like the depression is lifting. YAY!!

Well, folks I've been at the same weight, 171 lbs,  for a month so I am kicking up the exercise.  I've been walking at a good clip almost every day for at least a half hour.  Now I am walk/running with ankle weights.  I can't afford a gym membership right now but am determined to get there.  In the meantime, I'm lifting canned goods, ...yes, really. I need some muscle so I'm making sure I get all the protein, mostly through supplementation.  I still don't eat much but I get in the water, protein and try to eat fruit, veggies and other carbs. I eat nuts, avacado, soy and dairy products.  I stopped eating meat post-op and don't miss it.  I take amino acid supplements and use Bragg's liquid aminos. My home pc took a dump, so I will  update when I can(I think I spilled something on the keyboard).

12/10/07
The last time I posted I accidentally pressed 'cancel' instead of 'save' after writing a long story.  I had put a lot of effort into it and then it vanished.  I was discouraged and haven't been back since.
So here goes again, I'll try to give a good account of what happened since I first created my profile.   I went through all the tests required; pulmonary doc eval and sleep studies to find out I have sleep apnea -which I was shocked to discover.  Both my mother and her brother have it so why should I be surprised?  I thought since I don't snore, I don't have it.  Wrong!!  I went to my required monthly nutritionist sessions. I kept a haphazard food diary and practiced constant sipping of water.  I practiced masticating 30X per bite.  I continued to eat certain favorite foods (ice cream) but not as much.  I went to my cardiac doc and had the required echo cardiogram and cardiac stress test.  I chose to have the chemical cardiac stress test instead of the treadmill.  I was high for about two days after that, everything seemed like I was in a movie.  The cardiac doc approved me.  The sleep doc approved.  The nutritionist approved. Then comes the psych eval...
I went to a recommended doc and was asked questions for about 40 minutes, then instructed to have my psychiatrists' records forwarded to this doc which somehow never happened.  My psychiatrist who I had been seeing did not approve right away and wanted me to think about it for some months.  He had seen some surgeries go bad and was concerned I was jumping in too fast.  He hadn't known I had been thinking about it for years.  He left the practice about a month later anyway and there was no way to get the new one assigned to my case to agree.  One night in July or August at our support group meeting at Robert Wood Johnson Hospital in Hamilton NJ, a psychologist lectured about the effects of surgery post op and how others may react.  It was a great lecture and I spoke to him afterward, told him of my situation and he said he could see me.  He didn't take insurance so I paid the out-of-pocket fee of $190 and he gave me a receipt saying I may be able to be reimbursed by Aetna (HMO). So he sends the letter of approval to the surgeon's office.
Soon I am on top of both the insurance company bugging them for approval all through September.  For some reason I didn't believe the insurance would approve the procedure and I had been paying $480 per month on cobra since June. 
On October 2nd I called Aetna yet again to see if the request has been approved and they told me "yes you're approved and the surgery is scheduled for 10/12/07".  I was floored and shocked and called the surgeon's office.  They told me yes, that's right.  I asked why hadn't they notified me to which Cheri (pronounced 'Sherry") replied, "well yesterday was office hours and we were just too busy".  I was so excited I was almost crying and Cheri said "do you need a minute?"  I guess she hadn't had that reaction yet.  I was crying.  Next I spoke with the coordinator who told me the date may be moved up to the 10th!  This was overwhelming as it was less than two weeks away and I had been reconsidering whether or not to have the surgery.  She asked if I wanted a later date and I said no.  I prayed over it for two days and I knew inside it was right for me. 
On my pre-surgical visit to Dr. Noyan I weighed in at 232 lbs, exactly 50 pounds lighter than my first visit.  Wow, I could hardly believe it although I had been getting weighed at all the docs all along and was trying to lose weight in order to be a better surgical candidate.  They had encouraged me all along to follow the nutritionist's suggestions.
So now I'm two months post-op and approximately 40 lbs lighter. That means I've lost about 90 lbs since the beginning in April.  I don't tolerate meat well so I opt for  protein supplementation in shakes, puddings and soy products.  I use cheese and milk products as well.  I am so happy that I did this for myself , altho there are folks in my family who don't understand it or my right to privacy about it.  I live in a small town community and people are gossipy and nosey.  To those who I don't feel comfortable to tell my adventure, if they ask how I'm losing weight I tell them I'm doing what I need to take care of myself.
I will try to keep this updated in the future.
YAY for meeeee!

4/29/07

Last Thursday, the 26th, I went for my consultation with Dr. Noyan. He is very nice and so is his wife who works in his office doing the insurance approval among other intake tasks. She could not get my blood pressure, even with an automatic cuff. The BP read 192/132. She had me change a couple of numbers on my documents to show 5 years of morbid obesity. This was not flubbing because whatever weight I lost during those years I regained, plus the numbers I wrote were off the top of my head. She said she would apply for precert with Aetna after 3 months of visits with their office as well as all the other tests and authorizations from the other docs. Have appt with Nutritionist on Thursday and Pulmonary Dr on the 10th of May.

Born 4 lbs 11 oz -the runt of twins. While my twin brother went home I had to stay in the hospital 1 month to be incubated. Six months later my parents realized that he was the sick one, not me. My Bro had profound developmental disabilities as well seizures and other health and "behavior" problems. He was institutionalized when we were about 4. Food was my reliable friend and comfort at a very young age. I remember sneaking honey from the jar at about 6 or 7 and knowing it was wrong.  I was teased relentlessly about my weight by my big bro mostly.  I believed what he said about me. I remember him being mean to me a lot of the time and I was afraid of him until around the time our parents divorced -I was 11 he was 13. When I was 9, my mom put me on a diet for a short period of time, which she referred to as being "in training" -as if I were an athlete. When I see pics from early childhood it is obvious that I was chubby but not fat.  I always felt that I was fat though and have battled my weight since age 11 which is when my parents separated and divorced. That is when I became "fat" officially.  I went from 75 to 100 pounds over the summer btwn the 4th & 5th grades.

Just like most here I've tried every diet known to mankind including medication and bulemic behaviors with some success which was usually fleeting. Sometimes I would stay somewhat slimmer for some years but I was never at a "normal weight". I always had that last 10 or 20 lbs that made me feel like a blob. My weight fluctuated.  I probably have lost and gained 1000's of lbs over the years.

I've thought about WLS on and off over the years ever since Carnie Wilson got it but more recently haave been researching it and taking action because my weight and eating is out of control and now that I'm almost 43 and heavier than ever it is forefront in my mind because it effects all aspects of my life.  Although I like myself and even love myself at some points -with years of practice, inside I've always had some sort of resentment toward myself concerning my weight and body image.

My doctor brought up WLS about a month ago-she's been concerned about my health and has encouraged me to lose wt for several years.  I went to a WLS seminar in Staten Island March 20th and decided I want gastric bypass surgery to use as a tool among many to help me achieve and maintain a healthier wt and lifestyle. I will be writing in my blog as the process unfolds.  By reading others' blogs I've gotten a lot of info and enthusiasm.  I've never had any type of surgery and though while having been an RN, I'm still afraid of anesthesia.  I hope to be an "after" and update my story to have a happy ending though we all know this is a lifelong journey and WLS will not be an "end all" solution to our weight problems.

Thanks for reading and for being supportive.  I am quite grateful for this forum as a great resource of experience, strength and hope to me as we share our processes.

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