Jasmine M.
A Few Lessons: 10+ Years Post-Op
Mar 18, 2016
Looking at me, you might not guess that I’ve lost more weight than most women will ever weigh or that I’ve been dieting since I was scarcely old enough to print my name.
My journey to a healthier life was a meandering path, perhaps with more ups and downs than average. It led me to a point where remaining the same was much more daunting than making a change, and so, I did.
This change point is one that many people experience. You, too, might have had this moment. I believe choosing to change your life to forge a new, healthier way of living — whatever that entails — is courageous and even inspiring.
Why inspiring? Well, while this initial moment comes at an “aha” point, the whole journey takes hundreds — maybe thousands — of tiny decisions, instances of recommitment to your health, and for many people, me included, that is hard. Sometimes, too, we are striking out on ‘roads less travelled,’ upsetting the status quo of our families and those around us to become the first… the first to run that marathon… the first to switch to a plant-based diet… the first to address obesity head-on.
As I share my story with you here, I hope that you know that I consider myself much more a work-in-progress than any kind of success story. When I first began, I imagined my journey had a beginning, middle, and an end; I felt sure good health was a destination. Instead, I now know I’ll be on this ride with all of its twists and turns, starts and stops, my whole life long.
My Story
In May of 2005, I underwent roux-en-y gastric bypass surgery. At the time, I weighed well over 300 pounds and stood at only five-feet-one-inches tall. I was in my early twenties, but suffering the comorbidities of someone many years my elder.
The decision to have weight loss surgery was a tough one for me. On one hand, I was terrified that something could go wrong during surgery and my quest for a healthier life might end with me not getting to live it. On the other, I was afraid of what success looked like: a life lived without using food as a crutch.
The bariatric life is not one-size-fits-all. It’s a highly personal journey that is challenging, rewarding, and rather emotional, too. So, I can only really speak about my own experiences. Please, keep that in mind.
Here are a few things I’ve learned living the bariatric life for more than 10 years now.
It’s not the “easy way out.” It takes effort.
Bariatric surgery is not a magic pill, and for most of us, the weight doesn’t miraculously fall off. If you are walking a wellness journey of your own, this may come as no surprise that you have to put in significant effort to get back the kind of results you want. What might surprise you, though, is how often you’ll encounter people who don’t understand this, especially when it comes to weight loss surgery.
Years ago, an old boss of mine was flabbergasted when I told him it took me two years and copious hours in the gym to get my weight off. In his magical alternate reality, I walked into the hospital at 343 pounds, had an operation, and then left a few days later 200 pounds lighter (*magic dust*).
You may gain back some weight.
When I had my bariatric surgery, I repeatedly told myself, “I’m never going back!” I didn’t want to ever feel so encumbered again, and I operated with a sense of desperation and fear. Still today, I remember what it felt like to struggle to breathe, to barely be able to walk through a department store without sitting, to ache when I tried to sleep.
I haven’t gone back and I don’t believe I ever will, but I’ve definitely seen my weight fluctuate, sometimes by a lot. Pregnancy, personal difficulties, and general life events have affected my weight up and down over the past decade. That’s normal. I spent a lot of time feeling stressed and pondering failure if I gained a pound (or several) here or there.
For me, committing to a healthy life has grown to include being patient with my own wellness path. The factors that influenced my obesity to begin with are largely still present today, and that means that this is a lifelong journey and success simply can’t hinge on a number on the scale.
It’s a brave choice.
This point is particularly poignant for me, because I spent so many years struggling to hold my head up high for a decision that was, in my case, life-saving.
Back when I had bariatric surgery in 2005, it wasn’t nearly so common. People largely didn’t know what it was, and what little they thought they knew seemed to offer them just enough information to pass judgement. I have bariatric friends who hid their weight loss surgeries from even their closest friends for fear of this judgement. There were moments I, too, chose not to share my experience. It is disheartening to make such a profound choice for your health and then to feel that you must hide in shame because of it.
I want to tell you right now, if you have had surgery or are considering it now, this is a brave, complex, and very personal choice. It’s one that should be based on your health needs and the direction given by your healthcare provider, not on the misinformation and prejudices of others.
You are bariatric forever.
Going into roux-en-y surgery, I generally understood the facts. Theoretically, I knew that my body would be permanently altered and that I would need to be mindful of my nutritional intake for the entirety of my life.
Of course, understanding facts and actually living in the reality were two different things.
I’ve come to know how complicated it can be to so closely monitor your nutrition and to continually ensure that your vitamin levels aren’t falling dangerously low or that your supplementation isn’t causing them to rise too high. I didn’t know back then that I’d have to become such a strong self-advocate and that each and every time I met a new doctor, I’d have to thoroughly explain my medical history and about my supplement needs.
After more than a decade, I’ve grown accustomed to what being bariatric means for my life. I’ve woven it into the fabric of who I am, and I’ve educated those around me, too. In fact, a few months ago, during the labor and delivery of my son, it became evident that I would need an emergency c-section. When this prospect came up, my mother and husband both exclaimed, “She’s bariatric! Roux-en-y!” just in case my altered physiology would impact anything.
Indeed, I am. Like so many of my other labels, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, “bariatric patient” has become an identifier. It is no longer just a surgery I had, it is who I am.
The day I had bariatric surgery, I could never have imagined how it would change my life, how it would change me. I didn’t know that it would become a bookmark in my history, a moment that I could forever point back to as the day my story took an unexpected turn. It was a choice that influenced everything.
For some people, getting healthy means making small, incremental changes that happen so gradually, they can only be seen through the lens of hindsight. For others, like me, it is more extreme. In my case, it was a personal revolution.
P.S. The company I work for, Vitagene, is currently conducting a research study that will allow us to build the world’s largest obesity-centric genetics database. If you have a BMI of 35 or greater, you may qualify for this important research study and have the opportunity to get free DNA testing. Learn more here.
The Sun Will Come Out
Nov 02, 2010
When it rains, it pours.
We are currently experiencing the most challenging financial straights of my life. I'm up a full twenty pounds. and... and... and... I know this is nothing that hundreds, if not thousands, of other people aren't also struggling with, but damn. Can a girl get a break or what?
I am seriously over all this grown up bullshit. Can I please go home again?
:p
I am writing this here pretty much because it's the only place left I have to say what I'm feeling. I'm feeling depressed. That doesn't mean I AM depressed. It just means that right now all is not rosy in the world of Jasmine.
Life goes on. It always does.
The sun will come out tomorrow...
5 Things You Don't Know About Being a WLS Graduate
Aug 18, 2010
I'm working on writing posts on here more often about "life after bariatric surgery" since I get so many questions from you wonderful people. So, please try to comment and let me know if you like what I'm writing about or if you have any questions I'm not answering.
5 Things You Don't Know About Being a WLS Graduate
1. We don't think of ourselves as "WLS Grads." Admittedly I can't speak for the whole universe of WLS-Grad-dom, but I'd say a significant portion of those several years out from bariatric surgery don't walk around in their daily lives like they are still bariatric patients. I get many emails from people who say things like, "You're the only long-term post-op that ever replied to emails!" Relax. This isn't because they don't care about your questions/concerns. It's because they've achieved the success you're trying to reach. They no longer have to think about being "bariatric," and they get to just be "normal." :)
2. We gain weight back. (Again, I'm speaking in generalities here.) Most of us gain weight back. It's true. We do. Before you burst into tears, hear me out. People gain weight. It's life. It's not just you or me or any of us OH'ers. It's just the way it is. We go up, we go down. That doesn't necessarily mean we've fallen off the wagon for good. I have, count em, TWICE re-gained 20 pounds of my 200 pound loss. Each time, I just do what any other non-bariatric person does, I eat less, I exercise harder, and I lose it. No magic here. Just hard work. :)
3. Some of us become "normal." Before you get all excited about the idea of being normal, listen up to what that entails. After about 18 months of living the bariatric lifestyle, I plateaued (sp?!?). After 2.5 years, I pretty much stopped losing weight the way I'd been losing it all along (which was following "the rules" blindly and watching the weight fall off). My body became about as close to normal as it will ever be. I can eat ANYthing I want and as much as any non-bariatric person. I eat from regular spoons, drink from regular water bottles, and could go through any fast food drive-thru I wanted to. The super-secret-only-for-your-eyes-reason I lost 200 pounds and kept if off is because I actively CHOOSE to be smart with my body. I choose not to go through those drive-thru's, to eat whole grains, to incorporate tons of fruits and veggies into my diet, to exercise daily. I am active with my choices. This is absolutely key.
4. We have loose skin. It's a fact. When you loose oodles and gobs of weight, the skin has to go somewhere. So what? You can still walk up a flight of stairs and wear smaller clothes and fit in an airline seat. If the loose skin really bothers you, there are many companies willing to finance reconstructive surgery. I had my reconstructive surgery in January of 2007. I'm STILL paying off that operation, and I don't regret it a bit, even when I write that gigantic check each month that I can barely afford. Okay, I'll admit, I miss the money, but still. It was worth it, honest.
5. We love food more now. Post-operatively, many of us discovered a passion for all things food and fitness. Now, I love to cook, visit new restaurants, and try new foods more than I ever did back when I weighed 343 pounds. Why? Because obesity doesn't mean you love food. Obesity often doesn't have a thing to do with food. It has to do with your head and your relationship with eating. Now, I can appreciate food, it's flavors, the way it can sustain and fuel my body for walking up those stairs, for running, for making love, for someday carrying a child. Today, I'm a foodie. Before, I was just an eater.
What are your expectations for being a WLS grad? Do you have any points you would add to this list? If you're a post-op, how does being a graduate differ from your expectations?
--Jasmine
Read more by me on my blog, Eat Move Write.
Follow me on Twitter.
The Fat Jean Talk: Note to Self
Aug 06, 2010
When the Fat Jeans Get Too Tight
1. Don't panic. It doesn't burn that many calories, anyway.
2. Put things in perspective. You've lost 200 pounds. You've gained back 20. If you can lose 200, you can lose 20.
3. Be nice to yourself. Think of all the things your body lets you do now: walk up a flight of stairs, run, do jumping jacks without disturbing the neighbors. Bunches of cool stuff. Remember that!
4. This happens to everybody. Okay, so I suppose comparing myself to "everybody" isn't all that healthy, but if it helps, why knock it?
5. Weight is like life. There will be ups and downs. What's important is to keep on trying.
6. Recognize a good problem. When size 10 jeans are my fat jeans, things are probably not that bad. (Former size: 28-30)
7. Men kinda like curves. Don't get me wrong. My husband wants me to be healthy, but he also doesn't mind a little extra junk in the trunk sometimes.
Ahhh. Okay, emotional crisis averted. Now I'm going to go put on some loose pants. :p
Onward, ho!
Jul 27, 2010
Oh, AOL featured my story. Had some nasty mean comments, but mostly they were fantastic. Hopefully the face of gastric bypass is becoming better known and better understood. Let's hope! Here's the article:
Click here to be redirected.
Also check out page 11 of this month's Obesity Help magazine.
Homegirl's on FIRE! xoxo
Also, revamped my blog like crazy. Check me out. http://www.eatmovewrite.com
Yo-Yo (And that's not me being all hip-hop on you)
May 18, 2010
Scream. Sigh. Tear.
Look at me.
What the heck happened, right? I'm back to my pre-wedding weight. GR!
Me Before:
Scream! I was so cute! Now I'm all pudgy again. So, what does that mean?
Back on the wagon train, of course.
I suppose I should offer this to you new post-ops as an example. You CAN gain wait back. Most people do. Just decide right now you're not going to be a statistic. Weight gain happens, but you have to be determined to take it right back off. Before my wedding, I lost my regain weight to within five pounds of my lowest post-op weight. It's possible (trust me).
Here I go again!
How to Reach Me
Jan 18, 2010
I have been with you OH for more than 5 years now...
Social Networking has taken the world by storm since I first joined OH. I currently host a blog, and am a busy new wife. I get emails from so many of you wonderful people that I honestly do want to read and respond to.
Please, everyone, visit my blog and EMAIL me through my blog.
My blog is Eat Move Write. My email is eatmovewriteATyahoo.com.
A recent pic of hubby and I. New Years Eve 2009.
I love your stories, and I love that you can find inspiration in mine. Please join me and let me know how you're doing.
With so much love and appreciation,
~Jasmine
Just Livin My Life
Jun 18, 2009
Stuff like our honeymoon trip to beautiful San Fran back in March! Awesomeness! Here we are on Alcatraz:
So, anywho, come check it out!
Eat Move Write
Or, cut and paste: http://www.eatmovewrite.blogspot.com
I miss you all, and I hope you are doing amazing things, as always.
With much love,
-j
Identity
Jul 30, 2008
I had this surgery at 1 month exacty before my 23rd birthday. I had been obese since pre-school basically. My life and all that made up the woman I became was shaped by those pounds. In junior high, when all my friends were learning about kissing boys, I wasn't. In high school, when all my friends were dating boys and learning about sex, I wasn't (you might say that's a good thing). The things I learned in high school were that boys didn't date fat girls. They befriended them sometimes,and made fun of them more times. In college, when most girls were going to class (it was too hard for me to walk to get there), and making friends and boyfriends and going to parties, I wasn't. Basically the first boy that actually returned my affections in a real way was my husband. I met him on the internet. And, I remember when our mutual friend asked him if he thought I was pretty, he said I was nice. I married him because I wasn't stupid. He was a nice guy, and he was the only opportunity I had ever been presented. So I took it. And, that, almost precisely sums up the totality of my relationship experiences. And, not just with men. My entire life was spent faced with girls who made me feel as though they were better than me and friends who felt the same. From the time I was a child, I was on a diet. I remember in 3rd grade my mom was feeding me Healthy Choice frozen dinner, while I shared a dinner table with everyone else who was eating chicken noodles and mashed potatoes and gravy and rolls. They could eat that stuff, but obviously somehow I had failed because I was the only one that gained weight from it.
I'm not complaining. I'm just saying. Who I am and who I became was entirely a result of the fact that I was fat. It influenced almost every part of my life, for all of my life. On my 24th birthday, I remember toasting to a new life. And, yet, it wasn't true. All that changed about me was the vehicle in which I manuever life. Now, it seems so shallow and ridiculous (and naive) to have thought that by just changing my body, I would change my core. I realize now that this body is fragile and fallible and it can't be trusted. I have regained 20 pounds (though I'm working on that). It makes me technically obese. Does that mean I'm who I used to be when I was fat, or am I still who I became after losing 200 pounds? Does my person change as my weight does? No.
So who am I now? I'm not that old person, because I've found so many different things that make me happy. I've had opportunities, now unbound and freed from my physical chains, which I never before had access to. Things as simple as being able to fly, wear a seatbelt, walk through a grocery store without leaning on a cart or stopping to rest. And, yet, I'm also not the person I believed I would become. My fiance is always asking me to just be me. But who the hell is that? The me is a woman who gets picked last on the playground, but was picked first by him on the night we met over other, beautiful women. The me is fat, and is also not fat. The me is beautiful, and also not beautiful. The me is confidant, and also terrified. "Me" is canceled out by everything else. It's like I'm equally something and also equally not that at all. I'm -2 and +2. So what does that leave for me? Maybe I'm making no sense. Probably I'm making no sense. Unless you've been there maybe. I don't know.
Maybe this is just me talking.
About Me
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
