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Yesterday I had my first weigh in at Weight Watchers. Although in actuality, this was far from my FIRST Weight Watchers weigh-in. I  really followed the plan even if I did eat my "Points" in small amounts at a time. I was very pleased with the results - I lost 4 lbs. More importantly, I felt more in control. I'm really looking forward to my knees healing so I can go back to the gym. I can't believe how much I miss it!

So I only had 30 left to lose. But a series of health issues has thrown me off track. First it was iron deficiency and ulcer, then arm surgery, then a broken foot, and now two very badly scraped knees. Now I have 40 to lose and it had me very, very worried. I have been eating more or less the same as I was, but had to forego my 7-days-a-week gym routine. And I might mention, all of this non-gym-ness was at doctor's insistence. And now my weight was starting to creep up a little.

That 10 was a flashing red warning light. And to be perfectly blunt, it scared the crap out of me. So last week I went back to weight watchers. Tomorrow is the end of my first week and weigh in. I'm nervous but also excited. I just hope I lost a few pounds. I really need it. I'll try to keep you all posted.

And while I'm saying that, I am really trying to make it a priority to get to the OH Web site more often. I miss you all!
xoxo, robin

The weirdest thing is happening to me lately. I am reading the posts from people here and on my hospital's support list who are just embarking on their journey as their surgery dates approach, and I find myself feeling a little envious.

My surgery was 2.5 years ago now and I'm down about 160 lbs. I feel great and my life is so different now than it was then. I would really like to lose another 40 or so lbs but I shouldn't complain. I'm a size 12 (down from a 26!), I go to the gym at least 5 times a week and I really feel like I'm LIVING my life.

So why am I jealous of all of the newbies? Fact is, it's hard now. I can eat almost anything. Not a lot of anything it's true. But I rarely get things stuck anymore (a byproduct of several endoscopies I had to have for a gastro issue) and as insane as it is, I MISS that type of limitation. 

I have to watch every mouthful and every calorie. Sure I was doing that before, but my body was really helping by forcing me to stop. People told me it was easy at the beginning, but as I was going through it, it didn't seem so easy. Now I wish I could be like that again. I LIKE the restriction that my tiny pouch and small opening required. I'm scared and I don't want to go back. It doesn't help that work is super stressful right now. I'm hoping that by starting to post here again, I'll find some strenth. Please send good wishes and positive energy.

Wow! I can't believe it's been a year (EXACTLY!!!) since I wrote here. I really didn't mean to let it go this long. I guess living my life just got in the way.

I just can't believe how different my life is now. I feel so much better, have so much more energy, and basically just feel younger! What an amazing journey it's been! I'm still really, really glad I did this. For the most part, I haven't had any problems... well, almost.

I have had to deal with some pretty serious anemia. Twice now my blood levels have come back really low. Really SCARY low. The first time was last December. My blood count and iron level were in the basement. They treated me with IV iron and major iron supplements. It took about 2 months for my levels to come back up but they held pretty well for a while.

They found out I had fibroids and uterine cysts (not at all related to my surgery) but they thought they might be the reason my blood levels were so dicey. I had surgery in June and thought I was doing much better.

Then in September I had a dizzy spell and (icky bathroom) issues, so I went for blood work. The lab called me at 11 PM and told me to go right to the ER. My levels were SUPER SCARY low. No wonder I had been so exhausted. I thought it was just the 12 hour days I was working.

It landed me in the hospital for three days with three transfusions, a bunch of IV iron, IV potassium, and fluids. They did an endoscopy and are pretty sure I had a hemmorage and an ulcerated area right at the entrance to my new lil tummy. Hopefully it's under control again and my levels are way up. Apparently transfusions fix things much faster than just meds. I really don't want to have to do that again.

My wonderful doctors are keeping a good eye on me and we won't let it go so low again. But even with that drama, I'd still do this again in a heartbeat.

As for my weight, I've lost a total of 160 lbs. Wow! Still seems weird to say that. I'm still not where I really ultimately want to be but I'm pretty happy with how it is now. I've been at the same weight (give or take 3 lbs) for the last 5 months. I'm wearing a size 10/12 petite and mediums. Not bad considering that two years ago I was a size 28 or 3X/4X. I still can't believe it.

I still see myself as the "fat girl" sometimes, but then I'll hold up a pair of my jeans and be really surprised that I can fit in them. I occasionally catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or a window and dont' know it's me for a minute. Paul still regularly loses me in stores. And speaking of Paul, he calls me pretty all the time now. ME??? Pretty??? Wow! Have I said "AMAZING" lately?

Work is great. I think my confidence in myself has made a really big difference. I loved my job before but I wasn't terribly confident... especially if I had to meet new people. (What are they thinking about me?) Now I just feel much more secure and meeting people is much more fun.

I love running into people who haven't seen me since I did this. Honestly, they rarely recognize me! Even family members. My cousin walked right past me at a fair and when I stopped her and hugged her she really didn't know who I was! That's just FUN!

Another fun thing is shopping. I really need to curtail it a little because I'm not changing sizes now. I got so used to shopping on a very regular basis that now that I've been the same for a few months, my closet is starting to bulge. Well, better the closet than ME!

I'm thinking about plastic surgery but I'm not 100% sure yet. I'm going to go for a consult and then we'll see.

All in all, I can truly say, this has been one hell of an adventure. Thank you Dr. Cantor! Thank you to my family and friends! And especially thank you Paul.

(And I promise I won't stay away for a whole year again!)

Right now I'm writing you from Hawaii... where I flew in the center seat with plenty of room and no need for a seatbelt extender. (And lots of seatbelt to spare!) 

My sister Franc came here to celebrate a big birthday with a bunch of her friends - and Paul and I decided to crash the party. I've been here a ton of times when my sister Lori lived here and then after but this is Paul's first trip.

We are staying in a one bedroom cottage in Kailua on the Windward side of the island. Franc and company are staying next door in the house. Kailua has one of the most beautiful beaches in America. And unlike Waikiki, it's a residential neighborhood that is pretty low key and not so touristy. 

My day yesterday started with a bang... and a whimper. Paul and I decided to walk into Kailua Town to read the paper. It's about a mile and a quarter and a pretty easy residential stroll. Too bad that about a block from the center of town, I tripped over a root growing under the pavement and CRASHED onto my hands and knees. I have to tell you it looks - and feels - pretty bad. 

We still went to McDonald's.  I cleaned my boo-boos up and then read for a while. You know how they have that Minute Maid Light Lemonade on the mainland? Well here it's not lemonade... it's a mango version. VERY yummy.

After a bit, Paul walked back and got our stuff and picked me up. We went to the drugstore where I bought out half the bandaid aisle. But I was really determined that it would NOT ruin my day.

Once I was bandaged, we headed toward the North Shore. I love this drive since I think it's one of the prettiest in the world. So many cool plants to see and such great ocean views to look at. Of course being in a convertible makes it that much better!

We drove up Kamehameha highway and stopped at Waiahole Park to look at Chinaman's Hat. Then past the Kualoa Sugar Mill Ruins. We drovepast all the little towns and the beautiful coastline. Then we stopped at the Shrimp Shack - which is really a truck with picnic tables next to it. We shared an order of spicy pan-fried peel and eat shrimp... mmmm DELISH!

We drove a while longer and stopped at Sunset Beach to watch the surfers. I was super careful walking on the beach so that I didn't fling sand up onto my leg.  This injury thing SUCKS!

Then we drove to the Waimea Valley Audubon Center. It's a BEAUTIFUL preserve with tons of kinds of flowers, trees and plants. There are a bunch of exotic birds that find a home there including about 2 dozen peacocks who just wander around. They say it's a 3/4 mile walk up to Waimea Falls... but trust me, It was longer than that - even Paul said so. And Mr. I Walk Everywhere would know! Walking to the falls it's mostly uphill, except for one BIG downhill stretch (which kinda scared me for the return walk!)

The falls were beautiful. I was just jealous that I couldn't swim in them like so many other people were doing. (There's a lifeguard on duty). The hike back down the mountain was easier except for for the one GIGANTIC hill to climb... pretty long and about a 35 degree incline.  Even with my bum leg, I still made it. I have to say, I was pretty proud of myself. And to top it off, I didn't use my asthma inhaler even once! Wow!

I can't wait to see what the rest of the vacation will bring.

As many of you know, I had a very messy arguement with my sister and brother because they were the only ones in my immediate family that I didn't tell about my surgery. I even asked my mom and other sister to not tell them what what going on. I did it mostly out of fear. I can't really explain that without going into a lot of detail... but looking back now, it wasn't the right decision. Especially since I relied so heavily on the people here for their support. I underestimated my siblings and that wasn't fair. I posted my brothers reaction on the forum and so many of you were very supportive. I appreciate that more than you know. But thinking back, I am the one who started this. And hopefully I can be the one to end it.

So, while this was my business,  I should have trusted them enough to tell them what they I was doing. They ARE my family and they do love me and I guess I should have known they would be there for me. So, this is a public apology to my sister and brother. I have decided to just let go of the nasty things they have said to me and I just hope they can find it in their hearts to forgive me. 

xoxo,
robin

PS  For anyone out there who is reading this, whether your family supports you or not, if they love you... TELL THEM. Anything else will just come back to bite you.

This week begins the Jewish New Year - Rosh Hashanah starts on the 12th and Yom Kippur (the day of Atonement) is next week. These are holidays that center around self reflection - looking back over the past year and looking ahead toward the future. They are about taking stock. Remembering past mistakes and making a promises to G-d and yourself to not repeat them. We apologize with an open and honest heart to everyone we know and vow to do better. 

With that said, if there's anything I've done over the past year to offend you - whether knowingly or unintentionally - please forgive me.

I can't believe how different my life is since the last High Holidays. I didn't even realize how tired and old I felt. It was all I could do to go to work and drag myself home to sit in front of the tv and computer. 

I know I've posted several "I'm so grateful" posts over the past year... but at this time of year it's only natural to give thanks. I'm grateful to my surgeon for his skill and care. I'm grateful to my family and friends for their love and support. Basically... I'm grateful for my life and thank G-d for giving me another chance at living it.

This week is the first time I've really seen any of my family since January - basically 100lbs ago! First I had to go to the dentist. My cousin Scott who is married to my first cousin Randi - is my dentist. He was surprised to say the least. Remember, barely anyone knew I was working on my weight at all. Apparently he went home and told Randi that I "look fabulous". She in turn called my Aunt Charlotte who told me he just gushed about how I looked. 

Then one of the things I was looking forward to the most happened... I got to see my Mom! She and Al came up from Florida to visit. If you've read my profile for more than a minute, you know that my mother is - and has always been - one of my biggest supporters. And I was soooo excited to have her see me. I've sent her the odd photo, but I guess real life is different that pictures. She cried. I was so proud. We went shopping and she insisted on buying me a few new things. We haven't gotten to do that in way, way too long. 

One of the days she was here, she met a few of my aunts and my uncle for lunch. I met them at the restaurant to pick her up so I got to see them, too. My uncle walked right past me and didn't recognize me. How cool is that????

We took a few pictures which mom took back with her. She gave one to my sister Donna who put it up on her fridge. Donna cried, too. Then my nephew saw it and couldn't believe how different I looked. But even better... my niece came home from college and asked who was in the photo with Nanny. When Donna told her it was me, she simply did NOT believe it. I really can't wait to see her in person!

I used to read people's profiles and see gaps for weeks or months on end and wonder how they could let that happen. Now I know. LIFE happens. It's funny, for months before surgery and months after, this Web site and the forums here were all encompassing to me. I couldn't wait to read what what going on with everyone, hear the questions people were asking and fill everyone in on every detail of my journey. 

Then something weird began to happen. I would go days between logging on here. Was it that I forgot the friends and compatriots I've met here? Hardly. I just got busy living my new life and being out in the world. 

Sure, work has been crazy. I've finally filled all the positions in my department. I've been diligent about going to the gym (still SEVEN days a week! Woohoo!). I'm out shopping or socializing. Paul and I have been running around a lot and I've been lucky enough that lizabeth has been back to town again. And seemingly at the snap of a finger... days and weeks have passed since I posted. So if you don't hear from me... just assume I'm out living my life.

Anyway, I continue to do well. I'm losing slowly but I'm still losing. Paul likes to comment that he can feel more of my bones every day! (I JUST LOVE THAT!) And I feel stronger and healthier all the time. I am so grateful for all of your support and friendship... and I'm so grateful for my new lease on life!

A few days ago I got back from a wonderful vacation with lizabeth. We spent 3 days riding rollercoasters at Busch Gardens in Williamsburg. A year ago I never could have done that. Heck! With the size of the seats, I doubt I could have done it 6 months ago. 

We rode every single rollercoaster in the place - most of them multiple times. And if you've never been to Busch Gardens, they have a LOT of them! It has been so long since I felt that young. I forgot just how much I love the feeling of hanging on for dear life while traveling at (almost) the speed of light. It felt like FLYING! I just couldn't get enough. 

After Williamsburg we drove to Virginia Beach for 4 more days. We stayed in a great hotel right in the middle of everything - on the boardwalk, near the stores and restaurants, with a great ocean view. 

It had been a really long time since I was in VA Beach and boy has it grown. It has a lot more going on these days. There are tons of new places to eat and shop and seriously, there is music on every corner. All free and sponsored by the city (so no tipping). To make it even better, the restaurant next door had live music (mostly Jimmy Buffett covers) that we could hear right from the comfort of our balcony. We were even treated to a fireworks show over the ocean... directly in front of our room!

Throughout the trip I did really well with food. We shared a lot of dinners - except when I opted for seafood (YUMMY crab legs!). Lizabeth doesn't do anything from the sea. We walked a lot and just took it easy. The only thing we didn't get to do was ride bikes. We really meant to - especially since it's on my TO DO list. We just never got around to it.

It was a great trip and the only thing that could have made it better was if it had been longer!