Have you ever....

Oct 05, 2015

Yesterday, I read an inspiring post from a WLS veteran and I'm not ashamed to say that I read the post twice and took notes....yeah I'm a note taker. However, my journal is not about that post, it's about an older post I stumbled on when I decided to read some of his old posts...Now before you start thinking stalker, the truth is any veteran whose advice or blog entry that resonates with me, I tend to go through their old posts and journal to get an idea how they reach where they are now. Anyhoo, I stumbled on one, where they talked about the things they used to do when it came to eating massive food and they wish to hide it. It got me thinking...

I remeber in my mid twenties leaving work and heading to the Baskin Robins store and getting an ice cream cake. I had the girl write "Congratulations" on that cake. I then took it home and ate it all by myself and hid the container so my BF at the time would not know about it.There were many other times that I had done things similar to this, but, I felt like that was the first time that I felt true disgust with myself. I also ordered food and pretended that I was ordering for another person using phrases like "I wonder what she wants" or " I think that's what he said". As I read all the responses to  that post, I felt relief and peace...Peace because I finally realize that there are others who went through this, I'm not alone. For a long time I felt it was my little dirty secret. You hear about anorexia, bulima , but I did not fit in any of those categories, what is the name you give to some one who can't stop eating.

As I embark on this journey, I'm starting to realize that this time I NEED to change my outlook on weight loss. My focus has always been on weight loss, therefore, when my weight went up or down it affected whatever diet I was on. That was my failure. I primarily focus on the scale and rewarded myself on the outcome of the scale. In order to be successful I need to see the scale as my GUIDE and focus on adopting healthier habits. I need to reward my changes, my NSV's and of course weight loss but, I'm going to try to enjoy this journey. See it as the opportunity it is, a second lease on life.

I finally get it . I truly have accepted that this upcoming surgery is a tool, not a cure all, but one of the many resources that I will need in order to live the life I wish and dream for myself.

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