Update at 46 months Post-Op RNY

Mar 14, 2018

This update is long overdue. I have updated my initial post of bullet points of my process. Please take a look :)

Things I have learned:

• Life is significantly better on the other side of RNY
• Yes, almost 4 years later, I still see negative people wishing me failure. <I'll just stick my tongue out here>
• I wear my FitBit Charge 2 religiously, but never obsess about my weight anymore.
• I do not procrastinate the way I did pre-op
• I walk well, with the exception my 2009 spine injury limits me to (I was in a wheelchair 6 months pre-op. Sold the wheelchair not long after RNY.)
• I rarely turn down a chance to go anywhere and do anything
• I have experienced things in my new life (post-op RNY) that I never imagined in my wildest dreams. For example, endless amusement parks rides, long walks along beaches, any free or low-cost event I have seen come across any area we are in, talking to complete strangers while smiling (I am a major introvert, so this is huge for me), etc
• I have learned to never beat myself up. I keep in mind I am not where I once was and I am here today. I do not focus on numbers. I do not stress with feelings of failure everytime I eat something I shouldn't, although I am mindful of every plate put in front of me.
• Dumping Syndrome is not something to ever take lightly, but I am extremely blessed to suffer from Dumping Syndrome, as I am an admitted sweets addict.
• I have learned that therapy is beneficial to getting to the root of the problem and then searching to find methods to deal with those past issues.
• I have learned I am not perfect. I am worth living for though.
• I have learned I am capable of being loved and loving
• I have learned that I am stronger than I think I am
• My 2018 resolution was to permanently delete my Facebook. My husband and I both did that on January 2 and today I am still sure I made the right decision. There are too many false stories, too much hating, too much gossip, too many exaggerated stories of perfect lives, too much bad news circulating, etc that caused inner pain and sleepless nights, whether you realize it or not. We shut it down and went back to real life communication. I call, I visit, and I talk to anyone who wants to talk. The relief and weight off of me once I took that page down was incredible! I even received a good old fashioned letter in the mail from an old friend explaining she missed my posts. I LOVE letters and cards and surprise mail. So much of that has gone by the wayside. I want that back!

I will stop here before someone has a barf-fest reading about my happiness since surgery. It is all truth though. Yes, I have had my share of medical issues, only one of which I could possibly but partially blame on bariatric surgery. I was taught pre-RNY not to drink coffee post-op because it adds to the risk of experiencing gastric ulcers. I did not drink coffee before RNY, but after RNY I started drinking coffee. Not normally drinking it. I was drinking a lot! I had ulcer after ulcer for a year or two until I learned that lesson. (Protonix and Carafate were my new found friend. UGH) I was not drinking it for the coffee taste though. I was drinking it because it was sweet once I added 2 Splenda packets to each 12 oz. cup of deliciousness. YES, I am still a sweets addict. Every sweet I eat or drink contains Splenda though. Dumping Syndrome is no joke. It is extremely painful, disgusting, and can be a horrible embarrassing inconvenience when it happens outside of my own home where I am free to lay across the cold bathroom floor in my underwear in between puking, pooping, severe sweating, and severe freezing for dear life! I would do anything for someone to reprogram that sweets urge/addiction from my pea brain though. I loathe that weak part of my mind. My brain gnaws at me endlessly for anything sweet. Well, in the past year I have cut down significantly on coffee and have not suffered a gastric ulcer since. Thank the Lord! 

I am happy beyond my dreams. I am not rich. My  body is not without flaws. I have not had any plastic surgery at all. I accept who I am, what I look like, and what I have become. That alone was eye-opening. I am as upbeat as possible, although depression, anxieties, etc remain and I do have those dark days, but in December I began with a new therapist. He is teaching me new methods of dealing with that which has haunted me throughout my life, as it runs deep in my bloodline. If you haven't tried therapy or have come across one or 20 therapists that do not work for you, pick yourself up and give it another try. Settle with the therapist who promises complete honesty, whether you want to hear it or not. If you don't agree with him or her, he or she is probably the exact therapist you need to break through your thick skull. I say that from experience. Oh have I had some doozies over the years!!

• I am grateful to get out of bed in the morning next to a (2nd and last husband!) who not only supports me, only cooks healthy food, and encourages me to be active.
• I am grateful to not have that sleep apnea weighing me down.
• I am grateful to never have cholestrol issues post-RNY.
• I am grateful to be able to sit behind the wheel of a car and to feel the locking of the seatbelt when someone slams on their brakes because I am SO MUCH LIGHTER than pre-RNY!
• I am grateful to those scratch and dent stores where I find the essential post-RNY vitamins on a discount rack for like 99 cents, when I am lucky. (I religiously take each and every vitamin I was instructed to take during my Pre-RNY education at the bariatric center.)
• I am grateful I don't have to turn anyone down for an adventure because I am afraid of how bad I will feel, how poorly those size 32 clothes looked with my triple wide sneakers, and because I don't feel as if anyone is staring at me for weight reasons any longer.
• I am grateful to not hear whispers or giggles in a grocery store because at 383 lbs they judged me. I recently had to use a cart in a BJs after another major surgery (not weight related at all!). I felt so odd and remembered how ignorant people are as they rushed by me as if my mobile cart is going to slow them down! I had to stop and smile. I have a picture of my first trip to the grocery store the day of my first pre-op required dietician appt. I looked horrible. I felt horrible. I also had an excitement and feeling of hope inside of me. I am so glad my ex took that picture for me. How quickly we forget where we came from. Sometimes it is helpful to look back on those pictures and at any personal blogs!
• I ALWAYS remember my life personal motto to never look down on anyone, no matter their size, color, disability, clothing, hair choice, excess skin, perfect or imperfect body type, sexual preference, etc because I have kept the best part of me-my common sense! I do not like jokes or gifs or anything else mocking an overweight or underweight person and I will be the first person to walk away from anyone doing those things. It isn't funny no matter what size you look at it from. We are who we are and to heck with anyone who attempts to belittle anyone for any reason. <end rant>

Okay, I will quit here. I have to be up early for an ultrasound for an orange-size ovary invader. LOL

Love yourself first and all of the rest will fall into place! The goal is to find peace in your life!! That is where I am today. <3

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