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My Name is Chris, I am 23 and I have started my journey towards a better life.
I was always big as far back as I can remember. I was chubby in public school always got picked on and even as far as got prank calls from other school mates calling me fat and told me to go eat some more. I can think back I had bad self-esteem and self image, and my peers never helped the matter. Because the girls were so mean I would often play sports with the guys that would just make the girls tease me further. I was using diet pills and would often not eat because of being teased so often.
I graduated and went to a high school that no one knew me, a complete new start, but that never stopped peers from teasing and making fun. I don’t make friends easy and one I did have was so mean that I can’t see now why I even allowed to be treated that way. I was somewhat more active in my high school years played sports, went to a few parties and gatherings.
When I was in my senior year I was sexually assaulted and went to the police. With living in a small community everyone caught wind of the incident and I got a lot of dirty looks as I was around the school and in halls some had even cornered me and tell me to stop telling lies and to give it up, after that found myself staying home and turning to food often. I finally graduated and never looked back.
I met someone out of high school though a family member as he was renting the down stairs apartment. was with him for 2 years it wasn’t the best relationship he was mentally abusive and I found myself making more excuses for him then you ever should. Figured he liked me even that I am big to keep trying. I found myself assaulted yet again this time from a family friend, the man my ex whams renting from. I told my ex what was going on and why I didn’t want to go to his place anymore and he blamed me and told me I must be making it up. Got into dating where guys were less then nice. Tired online dating where some would message me to tell me to put down the fork. I feel horrible about myself when I have to make sure to tell someone I have curves and wonder if it’s a problem or not. Had one date where the guy showed up looked at me and said "nope yuck won’t do that" and left...some people are very mean. Met a few some nice some not but still single and imp ok with it.
I went back to school for a psw and I love my job and it’s so gratifying helping the people that cannot help themselves. I’m finding my job getting hard with my weight and am struggling to stay out of pain and depression. The things that I used to love now seem like a chore to do. I spoke to my Dr, 3 years ago and we had talked about the surgery and I wanted to think long and hard about and returned with my answer yes. I waited a year and did not hear a thing so I contacted my Dr and she informed me that she forgot to send the referral. Very frustrated and upset she then told me she was sending it and I received a package a week later in the mail; I attended a session and waited to begin the next chapter in my life.
I bought a Reg' show QH in 2010 for Christmas and worked really hard that spring and summer to get myself and my mare ready for the show season. This hobby and hard work I can’t remember being so happy I love it so much but can’t do the things I want to because my weight truly will not allow it. I don’t want to hurt my mare because of my big self wanting to try things I know I shouldn’t. I was active and working out 5-6 days a week all year plus working on top of all that and still didn’t see the weight change. I was eating better and exercising but it didn’t seem to be enough.
I have tried many different weight lose methods with no success or as soon as its stopped the weight was back on what seemed to be over night as well as it brought with it their heavy friends to add to what my previous weight was.
I am ready to take the next step to a new life
