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It has almost been 2 years.  I fluxuate between 147 and 152 down from 284.  Sometimes I'm a 4 sometimes almost and 8.  I worrie cause I can eat almost anything.  Not always alot but I can snack on almost anything.  I hate by sense of smell and taste for the most part has returned.  I still don't do well with pork espically the red BBQ sauce on pork.  Milk or heavy creams I must watch also.  I do have low sugar issues now.  I don't follow the rules like I should hence some weight gain.  I love shopping though I hate my saggy boobs and flappy wrinkled arms and sharpe' puppy looking ass!!  Oh well I'd rather sport that than all the fat.  I suppose it will always be something but I am so lucky I have had no real serious issues like some have had.  I would do it all again and sooner if I had known.  I need to get back on track and stop with this junk stuff.  Most is just habit of board dume cause I can go all weekend without eating when I get out in the yard.  But my night time habits are wanting to come back to life!  I must stop!!!!

Well today I am down 101 pounds.  YaHoo!!!!  Yep I am skin and bones and saggy skin but it is so nice to be able to breath.  TIme goes by fast.  I just lost my first 18 year old Beautiful niece last week to a motorcylce accident.  So sad, such a Beautiful woman inside and out.  Her parents did a great job and were so blessed though it isn't fare the pain they are carrying.
I haven't really had any health issues though I never did get my energy burst alot have, guess I won't.  I don't always follow the rules but I am trying to now.  It is very easy to get back into those habits after the nerves heal and the taste comes back Yep!  I do look much older now.  Oh well it's a trade off.  Wish I had good credit I'd get those wrinkles fixed!  On ward its only a year now and there are still more things to hurdle and work on but I will survive!!  People still can't believe how I look and yes sometimes they think I have been sick.  This week I do look sick cause of the stress and sleepness that comes with death.  I am just out done with this one.

Wells its been 3 months of slow losing.  Maybe because I don't walk anymore.  I don't know.  I know I don't eat much at all and I still don't lose much.  I'm down this morning to 200 but tomorrow I'll probably be back to 202.  I don't buy this well your in hibernation.  Your body has to have food to function so if it is surviving half the days by eating my fat supply what gives.  Without surgery and doing under 1000 or even 700 calories I would of lost more.  Yes I am happy that I'm down to a 14 in womans dress slacks and medium or large tops and overall that I am lossing weight and not gaining but it is so slow and agrivating.  11 pounds in a month.  Jezzz.  Guess I'm just a winer today.

So I haven't posted in a long time.  Life has been good sorta, frustrating and boring to a sense.  Time goes by fast but it felt like the weight didn't go fast enough.  On my day of surgery I was at 251 and today I am at 211.  Ok I know 40 pounds is good espically since I was 284 at my first consiltation.  I exercised and did the diet that I will be on after I go through all my stages.   I haven't really done the exercises now since I left one job location and transfered to my home town because of new orientation fees and such I went out of town for a few days home for awhile than surgery.  I know I could of used a tread mill.  I did start walking but stopped a few weeks back.  It has been so hot.  Any ways about 3 weeks out I platoed.  Than I was also at a no lose for the last 3 weeks.  THan Saturday I weighed and I had dropped 3 pounds and this morning another 2.  Finally.  It's hard to believe we don't loose more than we do with the amount of calories we eat.
Well protein is a hard to do problem.  I don't like protein drinks.  Muscle shakes are too sweet and give me a headache or make me feel like I could puke.  Powder drinks are gritty and just plain gross.  Naturual meats, well somedays they work and somedays it just isn't good or it hurts.  You never know for sure..Now fruits I love and have no problem with.  Pretzels or pita baked chips no problem.
Clothing is a problem.  Despite my no scale movement I was losing inches.  I have gone from a 22 and some 24 to a 16 or small 18.  And large or medium shirts, depending on how they are cut.  I can see little tiny rinkels on my inner thighs , under my arms and the top of my breast when they are lifted up where they are suppose to be.  They say slower weight loss is better for the skin but we shall see.
I love being able to buy clothes that aren't in the fluffy womans section.  But I hate spending the money if I won't be in them long.  I still sometimes worry that I may see that size again.  If I do this right I know I wont but I still worry.
Well I am writing for a local paper about my weight loss journey though I am two months out now.  I look back at my first journel entries and I see how bad the spelling was.  I actually was really concerned about it and they way my brain was so confussed and my sleep habits.  But that has all straighten out now I think, LOL.
I still come home pretty tired and I don't feel like and usually don't cook.  I know my husband doesn't like it much though he doesn't say much about it.  I think he thinks I should be all pass this tired stuff but I really am not.  Some days I would love to sleep my life away.  My mom and sisters are ok about my surgery now and relize it isn't as bad for me as they thought.  My middle sister just started chemo for stage 4 cancer so they really don't have time to even think about me and thats ok cause cancer is a serious thing.  
Well hopefully I will be under 200 at my Sept 5 appointment.  I sure hope my weight loss picks up.  I guess I need to start exerciseing.  Don't get me wrong I am not sitting all day doing nothing.  I work 8 hours a day on my feet in a bank and for the last month I have spent weekends except today working hard in my yard landscapping moving bushes and finally getting things planted that I had let go cause I was just to fat.  Well tomorrow is another day and I must get to writing my artical.

Ya know when I think about it and all the comments how it's like we are reborn, it really is.  If you have kids remember first thing was if they went to formula how their little bellies might colic and only rocking, movement or a car ride made it better and they would cry from the pain.  It was new food for their little stomaches to adjust to.  Than about 4 months or so they start losing their hair on the back of their little heads and everyone that didn't know, thought you left them in the carrier seat to long!!!  But it grew in long and curlie most times even for the boys.  Heaven knows I hope we don't cut new teeth, HeHeHe...might be ok for some.   Sleeping issues is the same, getting use to new sleeping positions till the stomach pain is controlled I assume is the same.  Learning new foods will be the same.  Good at first and maybe nasty later.  The stages we eat certain foods in our diets is the same.  Learning to walk.  At first I felt like crawling and rolling to my side was very hard.  I am practicing standing straight walking.  I know I screamed like a new baby when I came to from surgery and probably for a while.  We shall consider a catherter a painfull diaper.  I hope I don't have to wait another 13 years to grow perkie boobs, is that an option I wonder.   Anyone 13 years Out..LOL?  Yes I honestly believe this is like a rebirth.  I hope I get it right this time!!! Lynn url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wgX259b/] [img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wgX259b/weight.png[/img] [/url]

Donna F. Thomasville, NC Adolfo Fernandez RNY (07/10/07) Member Since: 10/13/06 [Latest Posts]

Post Date: 6/10/07 5:45 am You are too funny!!!!   But everything you said is true!  I haven't had my surgery yet -- still got 4 weeks to go but I am so excited for my "rebirth" and in fact, I have already thought about some milestone rewards for myself.  Since July's birthstone is Ruby, I have decided that after I loose my first 50 lbs, I am going to buy myself a necklace and earring set that I've had my eye on for a while.  It is 2 little cherries with stems and the cherries are rubys and the leaves on the stems are diamonds.  It's so pretty!!!  Then when I reach the 100 lb lost mark, I am going to get a diamond and ruby bracelet so that everytime I see it, I will remember what my journey has been all about and that my new life began with my "rebirth" on July 10, 2007.   Thank you for sharing!!   Hugs, Donna The most important things in life aren't things. . .

zlynnc NC John Pender RNY (06/06/07) Member Since: 05/17/07 [Latest Posts]

Post Date: 6/10/07 10:53 am Donna, What a great Idea on the jewelry.  I'll have to explain that one to my hubby.  Right now he doesn't know what to take as serious or not in conversations.  He ask's if I took my pain meds.  He thinks I do more than I let on but I am seriously trying to cut it off.  I due feel like shit sometimes but  I just walk.  I have never liked how any drug makes me feel out of control or not able to function.  It freaks me out.  Guess thats why I would never make a good druggie.   Now my Human BIrthday is July 9th and my hubby is the 10th and one daughters the 5th.  So you are going to be reborn on my Husbands.  I wonder what Junes birthstone is.  What a good idea...Hmmmm might be the start of a bad addiction..buying jewelry.  Lets call it an investment in fine gems. Well today was lets see since Wednesday....4th day out and I had my first BM..My husband thought I was nuts when I shared that.  It was just like baby's first bm on formula.  I couldn't get enough toliet paper..LOL.  And it felt so good LOL..Remember how those cute little babies smiled after they filled their diapers.  Yep its true. I no one thing I have figured out about  babies and car rides,  its not about needing to go to sleep its about getting out.  I am about stir crazy from being house bound and I am so tempted to take the car and go.   I heard the other ladies on the Tenn board talking about the Starbucks Achieve frapachino coffee protein drinks  and how good they were so I researched them and they are suppose to carry them at walmart.  Walmart is calling!!! I also need to get more crystal light on the go vitamin mixes.  I love the Cherry Pomegranite.  It taste like cherry popsicles.  I had one in a slurpee form from 711 in Albeq. NM last month and it was to bitter.  The little packets are best. The strawberry blast has vitamin B in them for energy.  Well onto more little baby steps!!

Was it scarey going to have surgery? Yes.  I kept asking myself do I really need this.  Surgery time I was to report at 9:30 than to be taken back to preop at 12:30 for 45 minutes but it ended up I was not taken up till almost 3:45.  At that point I had calmed myself down and was getting sore and agrivated.   When I woke up a nurse kept telling me to breath and take deep breaths.  I was in alot of pain and I'm sure bothersum.  They told me to just press the pain but for morphine.  I must have several times.  Actually it made me sick to my stomach and mentally out of it which made me feel like I could of went into a panic attic.  I remember to when they took me to my room my husband new I was in alot of pain.  I told him I didn care where it was but find Crack alley and get me some good drugs!!!  Like he knew where it was.  I didn't care I hurt.  Day one out I felt like a convoy of trucks hit me day three it feels like a VW.  My main insision hurts worse.  I cramp when I drink so I must be doing it to fast.  Boost makes me sick but insure is much better.  I keep drinking water because I am so dry.  I started my period big time in the hospital so hormons are working overtime.  But I will survive and I will be fine.  It's just one day at a time.  Food commercials make me sick to my stomach.  It is amazing how many are on tv!  Well I need to walk than go rest.  I shall return.

So this 2 weeks of slimfast only is the pits.  Not to mention Memorial weekend I did cheat but not bad.  I have been good so far but I have 2 full days of slimfast left and I don't care to see it again.  Come Wednesday I will become a offical LOSER.  And will have another 2weeks of liquids  Yuck.  But I understand it's not as bad espically the wanting of other foods.  My mom still thruough in her little quirks.   " I know if someone sits a plate of hot wings in front of you thats it, your just like me..."  uhmm no maybe you want me to be.  And if someone does sit hotwings infront of me and I were to do what she thinks,  I will certainly find out real quick what my new pouch will think of that!!!   Theres no option there.  She doesn't get that....  Well I still worry.  Still worry about will I be able to eat this again and that again.  I love Fry Bread and Buffalow burgers we get at PowWows.  My last one was at Gatherting of Nations in albeq. NM last month.   Man did I eat good there! I won't be going to another powwow until Auguest in DC.  So maybe just a little taste will be ok but I hate to be out in the heat and away from home if it doesn't agree......  2 days..I hope I can make this.  There is so much that needs done here.  I am off tomorrow to go to the doctors than back to work Tuesday than Wednesday is the big day!!  I hope all goes well.  I pray I am one of the ones that goes thru this easy enough.  My oldest daughter who is 21 had lukemia when she was 18 months old for the first six months she sailed through chemo, instant remission, good blood counts, no hair loss, while we watched others go thru worse or not make it.  Than at six months, the start of her 2 1/2 year follow up chemo regima she relapse and it got worse though she did go back into remission but the new set of drugs worked on her, her hair fell out which was like a reality check and so on.  But she is a Beautiful 5' 8"  woman of 21 today  Thas her in my picture.  I have another beautiful 16yr old size 0, miniture Jennifer Aniston.  She is told that all the time.  SO much on my mind.  Mostly food casue I can't have it!!!

So I am a week and a few days away from surgery.  My mom now wants to come with me.  I said yes but I hope she doesn't get emotional.  I don't need drama.  I have fallen off my slimfast 2week fast as I call it but I got right back on.  It was hard with them here visiting.  So back to the nasty stuff.  I don't how much they try it still isn't good.  I work on the water front in a tourist town at a Bank and when I walk out the door at lunch or closing any number of resteraunts are cooking up something that smells out of this world.  Lord I dream of the day it doesn't bother me.  If I could just go home and go to bed, by pass the kitchen........  Just keep thinking about how good you're going to look Lynn.  Your going to look better than a glass of sweet tea and hot wings...WAAAAA....  Ok so I've got this ying yang thing going on you know, like a good voice and a evil voice.  THings will get better, RIGHT!  I have started cleaning my house.  Everyone talks about this nest building mode kinda of like when your expecting.  I shudder when I hear that.  I think they would have to shot me if I was pregnant again.  Might look like it but I'm not!

Well I finally told her as in Mom SUnday and as expected she went off the deep end.  She feels this is a something I can do on my own since I have already been losing since going to the gym.  Well I stopped going may 1 because I changed work locations and have no reason to go to that end of the county now.  I was also told I would propbably get billed for May so I didn't want to pay a iniation fee at a new club and the first month and get billed at  the old one.  So off course I haven't walked at lunch since I'm only 3 miles from home and you know hey leftovers..... In any event of course she broght up old Al roucker and other people she has heard of how they all gain their weight back and how I won't be able to lift up things anymore since my insides will be cut up. She compares it to the old time c section.  She thinks they are feeding me lies dadada and they have convince me.  I have to prove all this to her this weekend when she comes down.  I don't want to deal with it.  I am already nervous and fully aware of the complications and she doesn't need to through in how I could do this to my children if something were to happen.  I am doing this because I realize how unheathy being fat is and how unhealthy it is to lose than gain over and over. Just to let you know I have never really had any support that I can lay a finger on from her.  That doesn't mean she has not ever done anything for me, it means if its not her idea or her doctor doesn't say it is ok well.....Yet she is my mother.  Of course my sisters agree supposively I shouldn't do this.  I have proven I can lose like I have before (and shall I say and before and before and before........with more weight back each time)   I dread the week end.  Why can't she just once look on the positive side.  
Any who it is day one of Slim Fast and it is just as nasty as it was years ago.  Only 13 more days....

Ok so I haven't told my mom that in the last months I have been in process of having this done.  I have mentioned it and her reaction that it was crazy because it is so dangerous.  So I left it alone.  Excuse me be I thought being serverly obiese was a heart attack waiting among other serious things.  I told my oldest sister tonight and she said that this was a very dangerous proceedure.  Ummm do you think Blue Cross would want to pay out if the chances of it not working and the chances of complication would cost them a fortune was higher than me being fat the rest of my life with Diabetus, heart conditions, arthritus, thyroid desease and so on like my mom and sister was a very great possiblity.  My oldest sister I am sure was way over 400 lbs a few years back but at change of life (she is 10 years older) she started lossing weight.  SHe had a few things diagnoised hormonely that contributed to it.  She also has blood pressure issues, panic attacks, pron to blood clots, sinuses, thyroid, arthritus and can not eat certain foods at differnet times or she gets very ill and has diarrea.  She almost sounds like she has had this surgery but says she hasn't.SHe is down in the low 200's now.  She does not look the best because of the amount of sagging skin and she let her teeth go I suppose because she was scared and imbarrase to get in that dental chair.  My other sister (5 years older) is now going thru radiation and than chemo for stage 4 uteren cancer.  She is 4'11 over weight takes shots for diabetes, smokes, yes smokes, has thyroid, blood pressure and more.  She has a great attitude about the cancer but on life well she lives with my mom and don't you dare say she is taking care of mom or mom will let you know that is not the case.  Whatever.  Mom well she has had a heart attack, has heart failure, is overweight again, has bad feet, has fibromilaga, all the arthritus, blood pressure issues, cancer survior,  stomach issues, no gulbladder anymore.  Yea add those to my sisters they have gullblader issues and hymroids.  My moms list goes on.  Now how much of these can be relieved from weight loss????  Alot because when mom loses weight she feels much better.  Can get around better her medications are better.  So is my choice to have surgery practicul,  If I don't what are my options for my future.?  I just wish she would be positive and supportive but that would never happen.  SO not only do I worry about the surgery I worry on how she is going to react.